Jalopnik
One thing you don't see too often in Alameda is cars with horrible rust. Another rare sight is a big old Detroit bomb being used as a serious bicycle transporter. Today we're going to look at a car that offers both! This '70 Skylark lives just down the street from the '69 Ambassador wagon and around the corner from the '76 Skyhawk, and it is one mean-looking Buick.
This car has been in its neighborhood for a long time, but I've never been able to find out whether the owner (who's clearly a fan of Bianchi bicycles) chooses such a beautifully wretched car in order to express contempt or admiration for the very concept of the automobile. You never know with bike freaks- they tend to appreciate machinery more than most, but they can be touchy on the subject of motor vehicles.
Very clever homemade bike racks here- looks like you strap the rear wheels into these channels and then attach the front forks to the pipe running across the rear edge of the roof. Perhaps the trio of Bianchi cars would be a good addition to the stable of bike haulers.
Here's a classic example of what we in California call "Living Near The Ocean Rust." If you park a car within a block or so of the Pacific (e.g., 48th Avenue in San Francisco), the constant salt spray makes your car rust from the top down. While this car now lives within a block of San Francisco Bay, the 6" waves you get from that body of water don't get salt into the air; clearly, this Skylark spent a few years living near the big waves.
I've never heard this car run, but I hope it's good and loud.
Comments
I wouldn't hold out much hope for the tape deck.
Or the Creedence.
Look on the bright side, when it rains, you have a portable bath tub.
@ash78:
the Dude abides
This thing looks like an old fisherman's boat.
Shenanigans.
Those are JATO rocket cannister holders.
Only one word can describe this mass of oxidized iron and fuel: Boss.
Best.CIA.Stakeout.Car.Ever!
I'm gonna take a wild guess here and assume the owner invests most of their transportation budget in the Bianchi(s)!?!?
Looks just about ready for Mad Max IV.
This Buick is almost half as rusty as most of the non-garage-queen older Detroit cars in these parts.
Of course, it doesn't help that one of the world's largest salt mines is in western NY, so it's cheap, and usually layered on the roads so thick you can feel it under your tires, and the roads get bleached white until July.
I've noticed the same thing about bike-nerds-- they like the machinery, but a car is just a way to get the bike from once place to ride to another.
When I see the name Bianchi, I immediately think of gun holsters. Not bikes.
Though I do know a guy who got a nice Bianchi road bike for $200 from a guy who had obviously purloined it. He pronounced it "buy-AN-chee" and was on meth and/or crack.
I'd love to see the trailer this thing tows too!
Its definitely ironic that a real bianchi costs significantly more than this car would fetch.
Somehow, that thing is utter perfection. I especially like the rattle can black - it's a nice, threatening touch without going into flat black cliche.
The Humongous Rules the Wasteland! Alameda, too.
Speaking of purloined, it may be time for me to race one around the digital streets of San Fierro.
This was the chase vehicle for the US Team in the Tour de France.
It was an amazing sight to see this bastard climbing the French Alps.
Strapping some bikes to the back of this thing, loading up, and heading out sounds like damn good times. This guy (gal? even better) has his priorities straight as an arrow.
Although the owner went through some trouble so the bike could be attached to the trunk, he should also consider making sure the trunk stays attached to the car...
@yellofury:
& you know he drives around in a bathrobe chasing nihilists with Walter
The best way to train for you VO2max is to sit inside this thing with the windows closed. First one to pass out needs more aerobic conditioning.
That's the "Breaking Away" edition Skylark, It came out as a cross promotion to the movie. Go Cutters!
@Teds: Hell, a fake Bianchi (ala the Ocelot) would cost more than this thing is worth! We're talking Free Spirit in terms of car to bike value.
@BustedWheel: It nearly broke apart on the cobblestones of the Champs-Elysees. I think a Belgian rider was injured by a discharged muffler and the car was eventually sidelined when it spun out in the sharp uphill turn at the Plaza de Pyramid.
Can anyone remind me as to why the WING is so high off the rear deck of a Dodge Daytona?
@sliderule:
So you can open the decklid.
An ad in a paper the current owner answered in 1986 when he was looking for an investment:
What you all are looking at is The famous Gary Coleman's 1970 Buick Skylark. This Skylark is the coolest car out in the market and you can now have one with a really cool Value if you buy this Famous one. The new owner gets a complimentary autograph from Gary Himself. GOD BLESS!!!(I dunno why I says that) Also custom bike rake and tow ball add on is on the car. This vehicle is gently used and in excellent condition of course.
@sliderule: It also keeps the wing up in clean air.
@POLAR: To arrange an inspection, please pull up to drive-thru window #2 and ask for the deputy Restroom Hygeine Operative.
This car owns mean.
If I had kids, I would deliberately walk past this car and cross the road between the nice Volvo and Benz, to avoid the risk of the kids being sucked into its vortex of death, darkness and despair.
@brandegee: Good call. Too bad I'm at work... :-(
No, no, no, no... It's not a "serious bicycle transporter". The term is "sag wagon".
That thing looks like it'd feel more at home in Minne-soada. Probably a transplant.
I had to get a tetanus shot just looking at this
I used to ride a Bianchi Cervino rigid MTB in Ktown when there were no Bianchi distributors in the area. Bad wreck = Peugeot front fork = Bianchistein!
I'm getting old and soft now. If I get another bike, I want full suspension.
@thunder: Just add a keg tapper through the trunk lid and it's ready for duty as a RAGBRAI sag wagon (yearly summer bike ride/rolling drunkfest across Iowa; www.ragbrai.org). If the trunk floor isn't rotted through, drill a few more holes for extra ice melt drainage.
God damn, that thing looks like it came from Florida. Those bike racks will sure come in handy if you have to transport anything, because I think this thing has just a giant gaping hole straight to the street underneath that lid.
@Rust-MyEnemy: Don't worry, Gary's getting ready for his role in the new A-Team movie!
I'm trying to decide if the wheel trays are Yakima or Thule - I'm going with very-old-skool Yaks - the shape is the same as my first set, but by the time I got mine, they were painting them black. Also, the tie down straps look real familiar.
It looks like there's another wheel tray on the roof. I wonder if it's aligned with the eye-bolt on the trunk lid, and gets some sort of temporary spindle to mount the fork to. Otherwise, what's the purpose of said trunk-mounted eye-bolt? Inquiring minds want to know!
@Rust-MyEnemy: I'd walk the kids past that car just to show them what'll come after them if they ever neglect theirs!
Christine's uglier, meaner, red-headed (don't let the blue rinse fool you) step sister.
@elhigh: If you're over 6'0", I keep meaning to put my Cannondale Jekyll 400 on Craigslist. :)
@ash78: no interior shots to see if the ringer is still inside?
own the car; make payments on the bikes.
Wow, now that's the purest form of shitbox i ever did see!
Not bad, but I still nominate the post-apocalyptic '71 Plymouth Satellite (a.k.a. the Car Without a Face) as the scariest-looking ride ever.
[shivver]
[jalopnik.com]
Freeman:Otherwise, what's the purpose of said trunk-mounted eye-bolt? Inquiring minds want to know!
Something to secure the kryptonite lock to?
You just KNOW this thing has got a half gone muffler and a blue cloud follows it.
I'm not even convinced that's rattle paint on the back--looks more like it took a missle hit or at the very least had a major fire.
Why no interior pics? Were you scared to look inside?
That ain't even rusty. Trunklid and a paint job and that baby's ready for cruise night. I'd totally fix it.
Could this be Uncle Buck's evil twins car?
Screw "Save the Enzos", save the American Iron.
But gotta love the bike racks! Kind of silly, considering that trunk could probably swallow a few bikes with their front wheel off.
Apparently Lance Armstrong isn't America's only bicycle themed cancer survivor.
Oh yeah? Well I happen to know the very charming owner who looks great in a bathrobe and would never abide a blue cloud! I would guess the skylark is a metaphor for his/her having too many interesting things in his/her imagination to bother with consumerism. (I dated someone with a car like this in its day and it was some kinda makeout car!!!) And I suspect some other commenters know the owner as well, but I'm not telling whoooooo...
Indeed this car did reside on 46th Avenue in San Francisco and at the time had interesting company in the form of a windsurfing caddy/former 22 passenger airport shuttle bus (with seats removed to make way for boards and sails enough to catch everything from light breeze to typhoon). I understand that a passenger, marveling at the Mexican decor within, was informed that every article of decoration had been observed in an authentic Mexican bus. The passenger, no less awe struck, replied "So there ARE rules". My brother is as talented as they come in devising low cost motor transportation for any purpose, and it may surprise Murilee to know how many of his other creations are lurking about Alameda.
I just love seeing previous weeks' DOTS cars in these.
Know what I love even more? What's left of this car. I'd love to see this, the '70 Impala, and the '71 Satellite duke it out.
And this big fine automobile has a name, and a pedigree. Behold Gargoyle, or Son of Garg; since he is the heir to the original Gargoyle, a '67 Impala who long ago ferried his owner and all his worldly belongings out to the Coast from the Other-Other Coast ( Lake Erie )and even served as his ( first ) wedding limo. Gargoyle was green, as Son of Garg once was. On that wedding day morning long ago, I thought I would do his owner a favor and give Gargoyle a bath before we decorated him. Sticking his head out the bathroom window while shaving, he loudly objected just before the first hoseful hit the car " What do you think you're doing ?! Dirt is the only thing holding that car together ! " . Cars will come and go. The Gargoyle abides.