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Nov 15, 2007 05:30 PM
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Detroit, 4:11 PM
Tue Feb 9
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We see the Omni GLH has pulled ahead of the Porsche 924 Turbo by a 60-40 margin in yesterday's Choose Your Eternity poll, but what we aren't seeing is the big picture. As in, holy crap, the oil is running out! Yes, the wells were pumping, pumping, all thatcha like, but now we need to start thinking about what we'll be driving in a post-global-socio-econo-nihilo no-more-cheap-oil sorta world. We don't want to give up on internal combustion, and we just gotta have forced induction, so it would seem the easiest choice would be turbocharged diesel cars made to run on vegetable oil and/or animal fat (you killjoys who want to gripe about how you still need the petroleum-fueled gears of society to keep a-spinnin' to produce such oils can just go suspend your disbelief, in the same way you need to suspend your disbelief about the impossibility of actually finishing a Hell Project).
Many of you are probably thinking you'd go with a Mercedes-Benz turbodiesel for your bacon-grease-powered machine, and others would suggest a big ol' Detroit truck. Nuh-uh... those thangs ain't available in Hell! Besides, they're boring, and you're a trendsetting stylemaster- that's why you need this 1983 Peugeot 505 Turbodiesel! Now, before you go clutching your head in both hands and moaning about French cars and their totally undeserved rep for reliability problems and part-obtainment woes, just take a look at this car. See how nice it looks? Why, the interior looks great, and the body is straight (well, the parts we can see in the photos, anyway). Any car this well-preserved is probably in tip-top mechanical condition, and a diesel with 177,000 miles is just getting started! And man, just $1500? Sold! So, you rig up a heated tank in the back to keep the bacon grease liquid, add some big filters, and tell Big Oil to kiss your Peugeot-drivin' ass!
Have any Americans ever seen, or even heard of a turbodiesel Toyota Camry? No? Well there ya go- simply by peeling 1500 frogskins off your roll, you could have this 1985 Camry Turbodiesel, thus becoming the only person in your time zone to have one. And the mid-80s Camrys actually have some character, unlike the soporific appliances they became later, so you won't suffer from Camry Ennui as you roar past all the stranded dinosaur-juice machines with your tank full of hemp oil (and your head full of another hemp product). The good news about this car is that everything other than engine-related stuff is easy to find in the junkyard (and Toyota quality as well). The bad news is... well, where the hell you gonna find Toyota diesel engine parts? Yes, Europeans, you got plenty of 'em over there... but this car's in California! The seller says the timing belt needs replacing, the injector timing is bad, and the turbo might be bad (probable translation: engine is on its last legs). But hey, nobody needs to know about it if you go swap in a Mercedes turbodiesel engine, do they? That should be, oh, about a one-weekend project, right?
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