Jalopnik
After the enthusiastic embrace of the initial, "He Drove/He Drove" Ford Edge review, Mr. Michael Spinelli did what any good editor would do — call the boys and yell, "Again! Again! Do it again!" Reality being what it is (poor, impoverished auto-journos living thousands of miles apart) Mike "Likes to Pray" Austin was not available to fracture speed limits with the Loverman. But Davey G. sure was. The boys set off from Pedro in the beyond-hoontastic Audi RS4 in search of celebrity Malibu crash sites, the most dangerous road in California and drunken cheerleaders/supermodels. As of right now, we only know that the Loverman has made it back alive. Click through for the debauchery. And we do mean debauchery. The photographic, gallery-type evidence is here.
Loverman: This is one of those rare instances where I am at a loss for words. Almost. Mr. Johnson, does a more astonishing vehicle exist? The RS4 is as fast as a supercar, it handles better than most supercars, it sucks fuel like a supercar and you look like nothing more than a run-of-the-mill associate producer while driving it. As we discussed, this sucker is faster, lighter and much more sure-footed than the old E39 M5, a car which previously held the title of Q-car king. And with the new M5 actualizing as a spastic, rotten gear-boxed race-track-only meathead in a shark-suit, I think the crown now belongs to Audi.
Johnson: Loverman, after thinking about it over a drunken cheerleader, and after our awesome display of twin RS4-ness in front of Emil's house, I am beginning to wonder about the RS4. No doubt, as Bumbeck once said, the motor sounds as if it's well-stocked with Isky Supperleggera cams, and the noise it makes offers up "Oh shits!" at a random stab of the loud pedal. I mean, said "Oh shits!" are entirely involuntary. They come from the gut. You know this better than I do, as you've been living with the car for a week.
Loverman: Do I ever! Aside from you feeling "drunk" after I finally got us down out of the hills of Malibu and almost tripping and falling over when you exited the car, I have made three other people ill after just a few miles. Plus, I tossed my friend's girlfriend all around the backseat ripping through Hollywood to the Eastside until she finally pleaded, "Stop making it so bouncy." I love being me.
Johnson: That said, I would not own this car, even if I had the 70-or-whatever-K to do so. The gas mileage is atrocious, despite its non-supercar status and lack of towing capacity. It's too heavy, and the only thing that's pure about it is the motor, which admittedly is Nutella-coated manna from the skies. Seriously, people. It's that fucking good of a fucking mill.
But the seats suck. Moreso, I think the lack of effortless available hoonage super-potential leaves the car suspect and tainted. Sure as hell, the thing was amazing to toss over Decker Canyon. What that car can do is frankly astounding. The brakes are a gift from Thor. But when we attempted to whip donuts in the parking lot — where I was mightily impressed at the car's grip — I was left sorely disappointed. Why? Because it pushed, which to me, is an unpardonable sin in such a situation.
Loverman: Um, dude... as I was the jerk doing said donut I will tell you that for an all-wheel drive car with stupid-low 35-profile tires that are as wide as your torso, the RS4 was making Krispy Kremes out there.
Johnson: After you and I endured the Schnitzer Nose Job Incident, we got into your WRX — and that little hatchback was much more fun than the bloated, tacky BMW. When I finished backseating in that A8 on the Bullrun, we got into an Evo and bombed from Beverly Hills to Venice. The Evo danced, drifting across lanes. And while the A8 was no slug, and I was blown away by its competence in situations where it should've fallen of the road — it's an apples-and-oranges comparison for sure — the Mitsu felt far more alive. And both Japanese rally-studs can be had for a third of the price of the Audi. True, the RS4 is on another level performance-wise, and with the exception of the seats, I really liked the interior (although the chairs are such a gigantic minus in everyday driving, I'd rip 'em out and throw in a set of Kirkeys or Recaros with five-point harnesses or sell the car). I do, however, think the gun compartments are a rather awesome touch.
Loverman: The gun-holders just add to the overall Q-carness of this evil blue puppy. So you all know, if you ever find yourself in an RS4 during a drug-deal gone south, reach between your knees for the little latch — odds are, that's where the owner keeps his Glock. I would. I mean, why the hell was the dude in Transporter 2 driving the S8? The RS4 is far superior. I know what you mean about the eagerness of both the Evo and my "snatch-back" WRX (wagon), but I've taken a lot of cars over Decker Canyon in my time (featuring more deaths per mile than any road in California), and no car has even been close to the effortlessness gymnasticness and sheer angry grunt of the manic RS4. It is my opinion that at root, all German cars secretly want to be either trains or tanks. The RS4 is a bullet train that wants to be a rocket sled.
Precision steering, anonymous looks, endless torque, an engine tuned by Slayer and as you mentioned, mythological Scandinavian brakes add up to the car of my dreams. Audi has built my drug! Sure, the seats are no good, the mirrors are useless, the ride is drunken-Irish-husband-abusive, I've had the car for six hundred miles and have filled it up four times (remember — they give us the car with a full tank) but WHO CARES?
Your buddy Emil who owns both the RS4 and the Lambo Gallardo said he likes ze Audi as a vehicle better. And the RS4 is $150,000 cheaper than the Gallardo. What more proof is needed? Seriously Johnson, the Audi is an even better performance "bargain" than the much hullabalooed Z06. I have to say it — the RS4 is the best car on the road right now, period.
Johnson: Look, that thing goes way harder than anything with that amount of mass has a right to this side of the Space Shuttle. I cannot front on any of your refutations of my disappointment with the car. The torque is phenomenal, and available anywhere you want it, at any time you may ask, and the crazy thing is, there's not all that much of it compared to say, your joe-average Brabus. The steering is good and responds to your movements with Fine German Precision. However, it lacks feel. It doesn't feel like a car — despite pretending to be one — which I think is my problem with it. It feels like a train. Last night I rode home in a Focus wagon (not a snatchback) driven by Wonder Woman. That, well...that felt like a damn car. I could call the Audi an invisible jet right now, stop typing and score killer reference points. But I won't, because the A4-on-meth may be a Q-ship, but "invisible jet" is simply the wrong way to describe it. The RS4 is a simply rocket sled with the entire engine hanging over the front axle, held onto the rails by ber-expensive tires and a hyper-intelligent computer.
Loverman: Oh man... why are we even talking about stupid cars? Let's get back to Wonder Woman. When you were playing "Guess Which Knuckle?" with the drunk young thing in the cheerleader outfit, I learned that Mz. Wonder is a ballet instructor and she touched her ankle to her forehead for me and Autoblog Frank. Not only that, but at one point she was showing the other girls how to dance "like a black girl." Which meant nothing but violent waves of well-shaken ass. Man, I could really get used to parties where you to turn to the beautiful chick next to you, ask, "So what's your story?" and hear back "I model for Victoria's Secret."
Johnson: Agreed. Party more at Emil's for sure. And drive his Gallardo, since he'd apparently rather take the Audi to track days than his Lambo.
Loverman: That Emil's a pretty sharp cookie. OK, I got a date — say hi to Vegas for me. Oh, and go eat at the Pink Taco in the Hard Rock. Thank me later.
Johnson: Emil and Keri, please have more parties. And don't stop inviting us. We're sorry for everything.
Related:
Jalopnik Reviews: 2007 Ford Edge: Special He Drove/He Drove Edition [Internal]
Comments
Is it just Safari, or is the gallery link busted?
Love this tag team stuff, BTW.
Great review.
Coworker has an RS4. I guess I have to get a ride in it some day. Sounds like he'll charge me for gas.
As the owner of an A6 2.7T, which was at one time considered rather sporty, I can't really reconcile "Audi" with "good handler". I know my car is larger, but the main thing isn't that. It's all the mass everywhere in general and in all the wrong places. Engine way up front, 2x as much driveline as most cars (most cars have 1 driveshaft and 2 halfshafts and 1 diff, a proper AWD Audi has 3 driveshafts and 4 halfshafts and 3 diffs).
Add it up, it just comes out heavy no matter what you do, yeah, you can put a lot of power down to make up for it, so the lap times will be great. But it's going to make the car less "tossable", that's for sure.
Don't get me wrong, I do appreciate my fold down rear seats which make an opening 4' wide. But each of the two seats backs has to weigh 70 lbs each. It adds up quick.
I'll get in the RS4, if I'm lucky, I'll get to drive it. An I'm sure it's a heck of a performer for what it is. But I still see sports cars and Audis as disjoint sets.
"the RS4 is the best car on the road right now, period. "
Agreed. 11/30. Willow Springs. Let's do some on-track testing.
As for the party...
Too bad the "competetion" was the official photographer or we might have some photos of said cheerleader. And wonder woman. And the corrections officer. And the witch. And the angel. And the devil.
See you in Vegas, Davey. :)
Mr. Burn Rubber:
Drive the RS4 and report back. I think your tune will be changed.
Emil -- 11/30, I'll drive, you pay for gas.
The link is busted.
The RS4 only comes with a manual tranny, right?
I looked at the picture and assumed the Audi broke down, while the Rex, didn't. Doesn't everyone assume the Audi will break down?
Ok -- link's fixed. Let's hear it for Wonder Woman Girl
Ray -- a very fine six-speed only.
Why?
Just curious...how'd you think the clutch felt on the up-shift from first to second? How'd Davey think the clutch felt on the same up-shift when he was driving?
OK don't go claiming the he said he said format as your own like you do reporting on all things advertising ;)
we've done it on KT and even back in AB days and so have many other blogs.
As for the RS4, Joe W here said he thought the S6 was the most balanced of the Ss but he sure didn't complain about the RS4. And hey, how come the gallery link doesn't work for me still?
Rabbi Dave, it doesn't work because you must be pure of heart.
Ray -- Part 2 comes out tomorrow.
Patience my boy, patience. We'll tell you all about it.
But... the clutch would feel the same regardless of the shift.... do you mean how did the transmission feel from first to second?
Jonny, as you know, the "clutch" is the means of transmitting rotation in a manual tranny system. That's opposed to the shift knob, which is the means of selecting the rotation. In the context of my statement, I could have also have included "pedal" -- but figured you'd know what I meant. Both the shift knob and the pedal are both parts of the transmission system. I specifically mean the clutch pedal.
And what I meant was -- when i drove the car a couple of weeks ago (my buddy Brian's) the clutch hung a bit as it was coming back up in between those two gears. I only was able to drive it for a couple of miles, so I didn't have enough time to find out if it was just my imagination, my foot getting used to it, or a problem with his car. So, I wanted to hear what it felt like for you when you were driving -- and what Davey thought it felt like while he was driving.
Ray - That's kind of an Audi trait. My A4 does the same thing, the friction zone is very pronounced.
Burn Rubber - you're driving the wrong Audi's friend. A4's have been vaunted for their handling prowess for the length of their existence. The problem is that they've always played second fiddle to the BMWs in the german sport sedan category.
Need video...
Wohho -- ahh, that was what I was wondering.
The first time I got to ride in an RS4, I shit myself just a bit. Now I'm saving pennies and dollars until I can get up enough scratch to purchase one myself. $69,850 to go!
Well, you buddy's car is screwed up -- but again -- the clutch should work the same way no matter what gear you are going into or out of... and the "clutch" only disengages the engine from the transmission. Nothing else.
But, thumbs up on the clutch.
AWD. It's just not all that super great. AWD is a thing you need to win rallies. But it's kind of a bummer to live with. The only reason Audi runs AWD is because BMW and DCX don't.
I'm an AWD hater, and I live in the snow belt.
With a nice RWD, you can blurp the trottle, send the hind out a foot, and give your lady friend a start. You can do this daily. Winter comes, run the winter rubber. Stop faster anyway (less weight).
With an AWD, you can fishtail, but you're going 80 after it's over, and, well, that's just not practical in the Target parking lot. Meanwhile, you're left with twice the broken parts and half the gas.
This car is a solution to a problem that didn't need a solution: how to make the best AWD road car in the world. If the problem is how to make the best road car in the world, the answer includes RWD.
M3 will end this business of an Audi with real performance car buzz. Been driving the 335i? Preview of how good the M3 will be.
Jonny, I never went out of first or second gear, except for once -- city driving in downtown Ann Arbor. That's why I phrased the question the way I did.
Oh, well... duh.
Anyhow, tomorrow all of your questions will be answered.
But... Davey never got past fourth. He likes the torque.
9000, you sir are wrong. having driven all walks of cars, rwd, fwd, awd, 4wd, I can say with absolute certainty that awd provides the best traction and confidence insiring handling.
keeping the car pointed in the right direction is the objective of awd and it does the job well. Any racer will tell you that driving around a track with your ass end flying all over the place is the slowest way to the finish. It may be fun, but that's busch league shit.
Boys,
I would say it doesn't matter. To crib a line from jezzo -- I wouldn't care if this car was Side-Wheel Drive.
Best. Car. Currnetly. In. Production. Despite. What. Johnson. Thinks.
The clutch was fine, Ray. I liked it quite a bit. But I did stupidly dump it at a stoplight not-on-purpose and managed to stall it. But the lever's nice and it doesn't throw surprises at you. On the other hand, Emil's wife doesn't like it, and its around-town behavior was one of the Loverman's few gripes. And despite the fact that she's a vegetarian, she is not a vegetable-chewing pussy like myself. But no, the trans is good. Gate action could be a bit better, but that's often the case with six-speeds. I think your friend's car might be bunk.
Hey guys... if you happen to be in the San Jose area, I'll buy two tanks of fuel if you let me use up at least half of one. Hhahah.. I have the plain jane S4 with the 340hp V8 and I love the car. I think the recaros are great, not sure why you hate them so much.
The S4 is alot of fun over 130 out to Mines road. I'd love to flog an RS4 on that road.
As for the clutch... my clutch is almost gone, and I have about 35k miles on my car. Heel/Toe downshifts, and just thrashing the car on the country roads around here are quickly leading to it's demise. A few weeks ago my clutch was slipping at the top of page mill. hHahha.
Anyway.. I must say that I never had clutch issues on any of my other cars which I drove the crap out of as well. I just think quattro and 340hp is hard on those clutches.
Did you guys see the same thing wohho talked about? He says that Audis have a very pronounced friction zone. I think that explains what I felt, but what did the two of you guys think?
Also the S4 is one of the few cars for me at least that's really easy to kill and drive in a really jerky manner. If you just rub a few inches off of it like I did it's smooth as silk.
Oh, and Burn Rubber and I are singing a duet here.
I've never noticed what Wohho is talking about vis-a-vis the clutch.
I think the issue with this car is, there is so much torque available so down low in the rev range, that if you don't disengage the clutch quickly (especially in Sport Mode) the power attacks the drive shafts in a brutal manner while the clutch is still released, causing fits and starts.
But, that is the driver -- not the clutch.
I think I may have misinterpreted the earlier statement. If the clutch pedal is reluctant in returning home when you take your foot pressure off, then something is wrong. A return spring has given up the ghost or a shaft needs some lube.
Surely H+Ting the downshifts should be clutch friendly as you're not stressing it as much?
That's beside the point though. I'm an H+Ter and will be until DSG is more widespread. In fact do Audi not offer it on this?
I'd love an RS4. I'd give up my first born for it. To me it seems like a logical progression from my Impreza, but it's way out of my price league.
Acha, problem solved. But wow, I really don't want to tell my friend I've got to lube up his shaft. Brian -- if you're reading, listen to wohho.
I'm all over the AWD sucks bandwagon.
RS4: Worst. Car. Currently. In. Production.
RS4 - AWD = RS4 RWD = Possibly. Good. Car.
If you can't get the tail out, the car isn't worth driving.
Nice article guys! I'm with Loverman and Emil though, this car rocks and no one watching will know the difference till you leave them in your dust.
Fussy,
Look -- I like people posting comments on my work as much as the next guy, but calling the RS4 the "worst car in production" makes you look... not smart.
Furthermore, you can get the tail out -- you just have to know how. And I did several times with Johnson on board.
Not only is AWD totally rad, tail out hoonage is the slowest way to get anywhere. Take one drift car and one track car with the same powertrain and set them off on the track and the track car will spank the living daylights out of the drifter. The slowest way around a corner is with your tail end hanging out.
Sure, oversteer is fun, but neutral is where it's at, an AWD + neutral steer is where speed and control come together.
Loverman, yes you did get the tail out. And the RS4 is simply not the worst car in production today. And I don't care if AWD makes a car point-to-point speedier. What I care about is how much fun it is. And the RS4 is simply not as much fun as an Evo, which is also AWD. That said, looks-wise, it's got it all over the Mitsu. Plus, gun pockets!
do you have any pictures of the gun pockets? i'm tired of my guns rolling around on the floorboards of my car, and need some assistance designing proper holsters.
Drew -- write your local Audi dealer.
The people that are saying that AWD sucks are the people who have A.) never driven an AWD car in any sort of inclement weather, or B.) are semi-retarded.
For traction control and recovery after a driving mistake, there's nothing better. I've owned 4x4s, FWD, RWD, and AWD cars, and just as was said previously, AWD is the best.
And you can get the tail out easily with any AWD car that has some decent amount of power. I've done it many times on my Subaru accidentally. All you have to do is hit the gas in the turn and your back end flies out faster than a stripper's.
Texans. If the car is light, you are entirely correct. If it is not, and it is incorrectly designed (as the RS4 is), all manner of measures must be taken to correct such flaws. And no matter how drastic they are (and they're pretty goddamn drastic in the RS4), in my mind, they're not enough. German Precision can only do so much good for a bad idea. But at least they did bias the power toward the rear on this one. Maybe next time they'll find a reason to at least move the mill to on top of the front axle, or better yet, pull a Nissan and move it evern farther back.