BREAKING NEWS: BBC REPORTEDLY IN 'CRISIS TALKS' OVER TOP GEAR AS NATIONAL NIGHTMARE SHOWS NO SIGNS OF ENDING

BOARD UP WINDOWS, BUY EGGS BREAD MILK, 'SHOCK CRISIS TALKS' CONTINUING OVER TOP GEAR, NETANYAHU MEETING WITH ABBAS OVER EVANS, POSSIBLE DEAL TO BE STRUCK, RUMORS OF JESSE JACKSON INVOLVEMENT

TOP GEAR RAPIDLY BECOMING FOCAL POINT OF ENTIRE CONTINENT TERMS ARE CONTENTIOUS NEGOTIATING POSITIONS ARE BEING STAKED OUT

EVANS IN FOR A SCOLDING THE LIKES OF WHICH HUMANITY HAS NEVER IMAGINED

EVANS BEING TOLD THERE MUST BE SLIGHT TWEAKS, REPORTS FROM THE FRONT LINES SAY, PEOPLE MAY NOT EVEN NOTICE THEM WHO KNOWS

"IT'S HIM OR ME," MATT LEBLANC MAYBE DOES OR DOES NOT SAY

MARKETS IN TURMOIL AS PANICKED NATION SEEKS PATH THROUGH BIGGEST TEST OF ALL TIME

"I REMEMBER THE BLITZ," LOCAL RESIDENT SAYS

CARS

SEEK SHELTER IMMEDIATELY