There's two basic ways to have a bespoke Rolls-Royce created just for you: either work really hard at making or being born into a lot of money, or, be a dog. Personally, I'd take the latter option, as it offers some engaging ball-licking opportunities as well. So, if you're a dog, heads up: Rolls-Royce has a concept just for you they're taking to Geneva.

The concept is for a Rolls-Royce shooting brake — we've seen those before, and, like all shooting brakes, they're fantastic. What's different about this one, designed by London-based Neils van Roij, is that it's designed primarily to be a luxury transport for dogs.

Yes, dogs! Nature's most discriminating animal. The concept is designed to work with a special dog collar containing an RFID chip (or something similar) that the car can detect. When the car senses the dog is approaching, the rear of the car opens and deploys a special ramp so the dog can walk up, climb into the large rear compartment, and then probably turn around three or four times before collapsing onto the carpet.

Neils van Roij's site explains the concept in more, and more confusing, detail:

A new user scenario

- The privilege of stylish traveling with two and your dogs

- Allowing good interaction, great comfort and safety for all

...

- A unique and relevant body type for Rolls-Royce: a Shooting Brake

- New materials for interior

I hope there's "new materials for the interior" because I'm not so sure how well current Rolls-Royce carpet deals with being saturated with dog urine. Sketches of the interior layout show a sumptuously-upholstered interior, with a vast, carpeted rear dog compartment that contains something he's calling a 'dog walk,' which is a little corridor for dogs to go into the front, people-carrying compartment.

Has this guy ever ridden with dogs in the car? Half the game is keeping the dogs out of the place where you're sitting and driving. And do rich-people dogs just understand the value of stuff more than the shitty pound-dwelling dogs I have? Because I've had dogs that could make those lovely leather-upholstered, gently curving walls look like a leper's scrotum in about three minutes.

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I mean, I'm delighted to see more shooting brakes, but I think we can all agree that this Rolls-Royce dog car is, at best, a wildly unrealistic dream, and, at worst, deeply stupid.

Also, none of those rear-area windows appear able to roll down, so just imagine the sheen of drool coating them and dear god, the smell.