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Depression from a recent loss is no laughing matter. Do you feel like nothing even matters anymore because you’re a washed-up, has-been failure? Did your Mustang lose to someone’s garbage boosted Civic? Matt Farah is here to help. Try the revolutionary Mitsubishi Eclipse and turn that frown upside-down.

I’m not sure that any video quite explains the gearhead experience like this one. The best cure for everything is a new car. Nothing quite makes you smile as much. There’s so much to tinker with, fix, and experience. It’s a whole new world!

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New toys give your life meaning and purpose. You are now responsible for a mechanical being that is entirely dependent on you. You owe it to the Eclipse to hoon it, fix it, and hoon it again. It needs you. More importantly, you need it.

As an someone with extensive experience on Mitsubishi forums, however, I must warn you that the side effects listed here are God’s honest truth. I just have a Lancer, yet I’m legally required to poo-poo all things Subaru as if they were the official automaker of ISIS.

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Remember, though: “Do not use Eclipse if the package looks damaged, has underglow lighting, or vertical doors.” Follow Farah’s words of wisdom, and discover what Eclipse can do for you.