There’s an awful lot of Serious Business happening in America right now. I’m pretty sick of it. Let’s take a moment to ignore the news and the polls and the leaks and focus on something that actually matters: what animals would be what-wheel-drive?

Advertisement

Now, I know that animals don’t actually have wheels. I checked this out. And, I also know that, technically, pretty much every land-based animal capable of locomotion is capable of moving all their limbs. But that doesn’t mean every animal is all-wheel-drive.

This isn’t science. It’s conceptual. Some animals just sort of behave and move more like, say a rear-wheel drive car/animal/carnimal would. And some are more front-wheel biased, some seem to act like an all-wheel-drive car, and some more like a true, double-differential, off-road 4-wheel drive. You just kind of see the animal, feel it in your gut, and make the call.

Advertisement

I made the call for 24 animals here. You’ll likely take issue with some. You’ll likely have more to suggest. You may even not be able to identify one of those silhouettes. I just want to get this important discussion rolling here.

The gorilla I’m still not sure about. I think technically, those rear legs do most of the work, but that knuckle-walk just feels more FWD.

Know what I mean? Anyway, here’s it all in a chart, suitable for framing: