Today’s probably been pretty rational and reasonable for many of you, full of competency. I can’t have that. So, to help restore balance to the world, please accept these free terrible ideas for cars.

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1. Gasoline trickle-charger

2. Run-flat seats

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3. Climate-control settings randomizer feature

4. Side-mounted tow hitch

5. Interior-mounted inboard disc brakes

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6. Interior exhaust gas recirculator

7. Dynamic cruise control via harpoon-winch system

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8. Seat moisteners

9. Windshield refogger

10. Tire cholesterol monitoring system

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11. Electronic sterility control system

12. Dynamic ride width adjustment. (Actually, wait. A dynamic track adjustment system could be kind of cool. Let’s try again.)

12. ZunePlay infotainment system