Any time we feature some crazily awful story out of Florida, it's typically from a newspaper or local TV news headline that contains these two words: "Florida Man." As in, "Florida man arrested again for tasering ex-wife," or "Florida man bites neighbor's thumb off." You get the idea.
Whoever this Florida Man is, he's clearly insane and unstoppable. He feels no pain, has no ethics, and is capable of feats far beyond that of normal American man. It almost sounds like Florida Man is a superhero — just a really terrible one.
That's why I love the Twitter account for Florida Man, which chronicles his various exploits, arrests, assaults, property damage, and on occasion, acts of bestiality. It's being updated constantly, and here are some of my most recent favorites:
Florida Man On Probation For Sex With A Donkey Named Doodle, Arrested Again | cbs12.com/news/top-stori…— Florida Man (@_FloridaMan) February 9, 2013
Florida Man Arrested Again For Butt Injections | bignewsnetwork.com/index.php/sid/…— Florida Man (@_FloridaMan) February 8, 2013
Police Arrest Florida Man For Drunken Joyride On Motorized Scooter At Walmart | thesmokinggun.com/buster/drunken…— Florida Man (@_FloridaMan) February 5, 2013
Florida Man Owes Ex-Wife $166K in Child Support | bit.ly/14KaXrG— Florida Man (@_FloridaMan) February 4, 2013
Florida Man Says He's Obama And Attempts To Abduct Children | hispanicallyspeakingnews.com/latino-daily-n…— Florida Man (@_FloridaMan) February 8, 2013
Florida Man On Trial For Threatening To Kill President Obama On Facebook | bit.ly/XU0K4V— Florida Man (@_FloridaMan) February 5, 2013
Florida Man Shoots Himself In Crotch With Flare Gun | inquisitr.com/510438/florida…— Florida Man (@_FloridaMan) February 6, 2013
So if any of you out there run into Florida Man, be prepared for the fight of your life.
Hat tip to Mike!