You guys like cars, right? Well, if you're going to the Circuit of the Americas for Sunday's U.S. Grand Prix, then I have some exciting news — you're going to spend a lot of time in a car.
Actually, traffic has been going fairly well so far, all things considered. There have been some long backups at certain shuttle areas today, but it's nowhere near as bad as anticipated.
But Sunday is expected to be much, much busier, with some 120,000 fans having purchased tickets. That's twice as many people as were here on Friday, so we could see traffic get a lot worse on race day. Remember, the general rule is leave early, take the shuttles, and don't be stupid.
But if you do get stuck in traffic for hours, we're here to supply you with a list of activities you can do in your car while the rich, helicopter riding people are enjoying all the hot, sexy racing action.
Welcome to Austin, everybody!
Follow the race on Twitter. Fire up your smartphone's Twitter app and follow the race that way. There are a ton of news organizations, bloggers and even teams who tweet the race developments in real time. Think of it as the 21st century's version of listening to sports on the radio.
Be jealous of rich people. Your little '98 Accord may feel awfully inadequate next to the gold-plated Ferrari 458 Italia driven by a guy who was too good to share a helicopter with a total stranger, even though he could certainly afford the trip. Feel free to let your jealousy of these people fester into an obsessive rage that may or may not leave them with a dented bumper.
Do your taxes. April is only six months away, after all.
Regret buying a car with a stick shift. This has been me in a couple of the shuttle lines. Have fun never getting out of first gear.
Smoke a bowl. You are in Austin, after all. Wait — on second thought, there will be hundreds of cops directing traffic, so maybe don't do that. Or be really surreptitious about it.
Play "fuck, marry, kill" with your favorite F1 figures. If you ask me, it's Fernando Alonso, Jackie Stewart, Bernie Ecclestone. No, wait! I'd marry Bernie. He's rich and super old. I'd be set for life.
Compose an angry letter to your congressman demanding better roads to the circuit. As I said in my F1 guide last weekend, Austin has no traffic issues that couldn't be fixed with three or four other major new highways. Sick of waiting in line to get to the circuit? Write your favorite elected officials and demand harder, better, faster and stronger highways that lead directly to it from downtown. It doesn't matter if you're only visiting Texas — your government will listen. That's what they do, in theory anyway.
Come up with a new name for the U.S. Grand Prix. Hey, in case Texas does end up seceding from the union, this race is going to need a new name. Maybe something with "Lone Star" in the name. Any suggestions?
Stare at pedestrians and guess whether they're European tourists or Austin hipsters. It's really hard to tell until you hear them talk.
What activities do you suggest for people who are stuck in race traffic?
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