Oh, you thought you spewed forth snarky vitriol on Twitter? You've got nothing on Jeremy Clarkson, who is unpleasantly announcing to the world that his Mercedes CLK 63 AMG Black won't start.
We know that Jezza's car won't start because he has taken to that excellent source of Internet news, Twitter. We can understand that he would want to make his personal displeasure with the car public, as he very much loves the AMG Black.
He even filmed something of a love letter to the car on Top Gear a few seasons back.
Here begins Clarkson's tale of woe.
Unfortunately, he can't reach into his typical bag of tricks to solve the problem.
Even though he makes millions a year goofing off with 600+ horsepower supercars, life is still rough for the motoring journalist.
With such a big audience (667,149 followers at the time of writing), Clarkson faces the ubiquitous Internet challenge of ‘pics or it didn't happen.'
Clarkson, clearly desperate, turned to the one skill he possesses to get his way: hyperbole.
We're not surprised that his AMG Black won't start, since he hasn't driven it in eight weeks. He must have been too busy testing supercars, we assume.
We halfway hope that Richard Hammond arrives to pick him up in a taxi, and that Jezza would continue to sing songs.
In fact, the breakdown man just showed up.
We just glad that his headless child has a godfather, because Clarkson is a big Vanishing Point fan and those broken-hero-last-drives tend to end poorly.
Photo Credit: Top Gear