Glenn Beck Rolled A Rental SUV At His Daughter's WeddingS

I know that without him crying on our televisions, many of us have sort of forgotten about Glenn Beck. But he's not gone! He's still out there, ranting on the radio, and sliding unmanned Ford Expeditions down slippery hillsides.

It was on the magical day of his daughter's wedding, right after the ceremony, when they had returned to their rental cottage in the Finger Lakes area of New York. As Beck confusingly says of the moment of the incident:

Right after my daughter's wedding it was - have you ever had one of those days. You've never had one of these days. Imagine having one of these days where the stress is just going, and this could be a TV commercial. This is father of the bride. This is like the end of the father of bride. Everything you've done. It‘s in God's hands now. I got to the door I'm not kidding you. I got to the door of my house.

I think all that just means it happened after the long, stressful wedding day. And he got, apparently, to the door of his house. Oh, and then he sort of tries to pin it all on God.

It seems Beck parked the SUV on a precarious, slippery hill. Luckily, everyone had exited the car, which started to slip right after his wife removed their son and closed the door. As Beck continues

I see my wife dressed in her evening gown from the wedding, and she's holding on to the door handle of the car as the car is starting to slide down the hill, and I just said "Let it go honey." And the car rolled down the hill, and rolled. And flipped.

I said to the kids I honestly said to the kids, "Well let's go say our prayers, and go to bed." It was just one of those days. I watched my car roll down the hill, literally roll. Just like a movie. I just stood there. And I'm like, "All right let's go to bed."

Also, cultural linguists, take note: "Let's say our prayers and go to bed" is showily-pious-person speak for "fuck it."

So, happily no one was hurt, even the bodyguard who was selflessly checking the car for forgotten kids as it slid and rolled. I suppose the moral of the story is that no matter how irritatingly Godly and serene you act, check out how steep and slippery where you're parking your 4500 lb SUV is, genius.

(Thanks, John Westergaard!)