Why My BFF Dany Bahar Deserves $11 Million From Lotus

Yesterday, my good friend (and only steady employer for the last few years), Dany Bahar, filed suit against Lotus for wrongful termination. He's seeking $10.8 million.

And he deserves way more than that. Way more.

In my eyes, Bahar can do no wrong. He hired me to unveil cars for Lotus, which I originally thought was an exotic Japanese flower. And not only did he get me, he got other uber-celebs like my brother Billy and the Star Guy from Kiss. That instantly elevated Lotus above the garbage brand it was for people that only liked to go on race tracks and enjoy driving.

And together, Bahar and I introduced five new cars at one show. Five new cars that would rebrand Lotus. Five new cars that would make Lotus into Ferrari. Five new cars that got rid of that ridiculous mantra of "simplify and add lightness." By bloating them, he made cars into Baldwins, and nearly a quarter of us are successful, household names.

On a personal note, I had mentioned that Bahar employed me. But he also clothed me with Lotus' impossibly expensive lifestyle clothing and let me play backgammon with him. That was fun.

But most of all, Bahar deserves the money because he made people actually talk about Lotus. He made a small carmaker in England the laughingstock of the car community. I had never heard of them, and now I'm a Bahar-believer. Also, as they say, any PR is good PR.

I figure the exposure Bahar gave Lotus is worth way more than $11 million. Plus, Dany still owes Alec $4 million for showing up to the LA Auto Show. And he better pay him, Alec gets punchy when he's mad.

(If you haven't gathered yet, this is parody. Dany Bahar obviously has no friends anymore. Maybe Swizz Beats — Ed.)

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