It's a ten-round knockout fight as the drivers of the world pointlessly wail on each other in Jalopnik readers' favorite on-road scuffles.
Welcome back to Answers of the Day — our daily Jalopnik feature where we take the best ten responses from the previous day's Question of the Day and shine it up to show off. It's by you and for you, the Jalopnik readers. Enjoy!
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Photo Credit: ghostsofmany
10.) Wronged man clings to windshield
Suggested By: Supersport
What happened: Here we see a man straddling the front of a car, pounding on the windshield even as the other driver attempts to flee. We don't actually know who was wronged in this scenario, but nothing could be bad enough to justify hanging onto a moving car's windshield like a Fig Newtons sticker.
9.) Drunk driver attacks with crossbow
Suggested By: sampsonite24
What happened: Six years ago in Little Rock, 26-year-old Wayne Allen Dierks, Jr. was arrested for committing a terrorist act, possessing an instrument of crime, driving while intoxicated and driving with a suspended driver's license. What did he actually do? Dierks was cut off, so he chased down the offending car and shot a crossbow normally used for deer hunting through its rear window.
The moral of the story is to never cut somebody else off; you never know who's a drunk-driving, crossbow-wielding nutbar.
Photo Credit: Steve White
8.) Crazy driver is served justice with a speed trap
Suggested By: Pcleez
What happened: Sometimes the law intervenes before road rage gets totally out of hand, and the crazy driver gets what he or she deserves. Reader Pcleez was accosted by a speeder so intent on screwing with him, she didn't notice the cop about to pull them over.
The best road rage incident I've seen was at a known speed trap North of Atlanta. As you go past an overpass, cops are known to hide in the paved area behind the overpass. As I am approaching that area I notice a Camry in my rear view coming at what had to be over 90 MPH. As I pass the speed trap at 60 MPH (55 zone), she is right behind me coming in hot. Right as I start to brake, I see the Crown Vic start to head after us.
After the speed trap you go over a hill and out of sight. This woman doesn't even give me a chance to get out of her way (traffic in the right hand lanes) before she is 1-2 feet away from my bumper. As the cop comes over the hill there is space in the right lane, so I go to get over. Meanwhile, crazy lady decides this is the time she wants to try to whip around me in the right lane without a blinker. I stop my lane change, go back to the left lane as she does the same, all the while staying about 2 feet behind me. This is when I begin to brake (not brake check, but simply slow down in a get the hell away from me manner).
She puts two tires in the median, starts honking and flashing her lights and giving me the finger. As the cop is about 20 car lengths back, seeing all of this and coming in hot, I figure this is a good time to go ahead and get over and let her pass.
As she is flicking me off passing while me mouthing potty words, I point behind me and mouth "look behind you." Boom, sirens hit. Middle finger goes down, jaw drops. Laughter ensues, justice prevails. I'd like to think at 40+ over, reckless driving, following too closely, she probably left that one in a cop car.
Photo Credit: ynkefan1
7.) Tiny dog emphasizes pointlessness of street fight
Suggested By: For Sweden
What happened: This fight somewhere in the former Soviet East broke out when a pedestrian decides to jaywalk, nearly gets hit by a car, then gets into a fight with the driver. A yippy little dog arrives to chastise the fighting individuals for the pointlessness of their conflict. Neither human heeds its sagely advice.
6.) Tailgater is served justice with a blown engine
Suggested By: zerobandwidth
What happened: There are many twisty roads in this country where there's really no room for safe passing for miles. If you're stuck behind a slower driver, you just have to calm down and wait for a straightaway. What you shouldn't do is tailgate the slower driver ahead, lest the powers that be deliver justice in the form of a blown engine, as reader zerobandwidth witnessed.
Only a year or two after getting my license, I was driving back from our family's farm in the mountains of western VA, with my dad in the passenger seat. We were on one of those delightful two-lane country roads, twisting down through the foothills, corners too blind for passing zones.
In my rear-view I noticed a red Jeep Cherokee and a silver Eclipse wailing up behind me at about 80mph. The speed limit here was 55mph and I was barely managing 50 in the really twisty bits. So of course the Jeep ran right up my ass. I looked back and see nothing but grill in the rear-view - he was too close to see headlights or even the "Jeep" hood badge. In my side mirrors I saw the flash of his high-beams. He honked. At one point he gunned it as if to actually tap me. If I had tried to give him the finger, I would have had to roll down the window and hold it out the side, because he was too close to me to be able to see into the car through the rear. This continued for a couple of miles. I tried brake-checking him a couple of times but dared not really step on the pedal because he would have just run right into me.
Finally we came to the first straight stretch of road that allowed a passing zone. To my great relief, both Mr. Jeep and his convoy Mitsu went tearing around me and started pulling away, on their way to some ridiculously hoontastic speed, given that it was getting on toward sunset and the road would be twisty again in short order.
Before they had even gotten out of sight, we heard a loud POP and saw white smoke. The Jeep's motor had just gone off like a grenade and was spewing every internal fluid onto the pavement, the windshield, terrified woodland creatures, etc. The Eclipse very nearly rear-ended the Jeep in the turmoil. They both managed to regain control and pull off to the side of the road. We passed them. My dad smiled and waved at them.
We stopped for dinner at a great little country restaurant on the main road a few miles away from the incident. This was before the days of cell phones, and we had very little inclination to let anyone know that help was needed up the road. We sat, enjoyed our dinner, and laughed about idiots on the road.
As we were walking out to our car, in came the Eclipse, with a very unsafe number of passengers crammed into it. Behind it was a flatbed truck, carrying the still-smoking Jeep. We stood by our car, smiled, and waved again, before cranking up our trusty Nissan and riding off into the sunset.
Photo Credit: Leonard John Matthews
5.) Volvo driver attacked for blocking impatient traffic
What happened: Passing a traffic jam on the shoulder is stupid and reckless, as you block the one way for emergency vehicles to respond to an accident up ahead. One Volvo driver parked in the lane, taking the law into his own hands to stop it from happening. The impatient driers behind him, however, were having none of it. One woman even attacked him with her crutch.
4.) Carrying weapons prevents road rage
Suggested By: I Hate American Cars
What happened: As any number of dashcam videos will show, road rage in Russia is much more serious than elsewhere in the world. When these two cars get into a fender bender, one car pulls a bat, while the other arrives with an axe. Both parties recognize the stalemate and move on.
3.) Justice delivered on on-ramp
Suggested By: HammerheadFistpunch
What happened: No matter what the offence, it's never worth it to freak out behind the wheel. The effort you put into road rage takes away from your concentration on the road. Reader HammerheadFistpunch watched as a pissed-off driver crashed her car just trying to prove a point.
My brother was getting on the freeway where two lanes go to one before getting on, he was on the outside lane and the car and on the inside wasn't letting him in, speeding up and slowing down to block him out. It was pretty stop and go traffic so the speeds were low but it was starting to get ridiculous, this person simply WOULD NOT let someone in.
MY brother went behind and around this woman onto the freeway so she was to the right of him and behind. As they were speeding up to traffic the woman sped up and flipped on my brother with a big "your an ass" face pointed right at him...then she hit the car in front of her that stopped when she wasn't looking. Priceless.
Photo Credit: plebeian regime
2.) Ridiculously smug Prius driver accosts pickup owner
Suggested By: becaus3Porsche
What happened: Sometimes stereotypes perpetuate themselves, as we see a self-entitled Prius driver cussing out the kind and remarkably calm owner of a pickup for destroying her pretty little world. Shame on you for laughing and shame on this woman for being such a prick.
1.) Canadian street fight ends with handshake
Suggested By: OOglebooze
What happened: We don't know who offended whom in this fight on the streets of Ontario, but the final message is clear. The older man in camo shorts attacks the other driver, who surprisingly proceeds to beat him up. The man in shorts, true Canadian that he is, gets up and shakes the other man's hand. Losing a fight doesn't mean you have to lose your dignity.
Drive safe, everyone.