This weekend Game of Thrones came back for season two, and like a vast number of watching stuff enthusiasts, I'm pretty excited. The series took the fantasy genre to new, more adult levels of character and tone (and threw in plenty of HBO-grade nudity), and it's no surprise it's a huge hit. Except for one huge flaw: There's no cars. Let's fix that.
Game of Thrones takes place in the fictional land of Westeros, and the technology level there is, let's face it, not much better than medieval. Sure, there seems to be a little bit of magic floating around, but that's not making anyone a cheaper pair of boots or getting the damn mud out of everything. But, if they're going to have dragons and shit, I say they can have some cars. Since the roads are generally, pretty awful, they're going to need 4WD vehicles pretty much exclusively, and since House and family allegiance is so important, I think each major house would have its own associated car. Here's what car I think fits these major houses best.
House Stark: Old-School Jeep Wagoneer.
Something about House Stark's quietly-proud honor and nobility just screams original Wagoneer. There's something almost Midwestern about them, and this proud Son of Kenosha just feels right for a Stark. It's a capable machine, comfortable without being flashy or decadent. It's very capable in the snow, which is good, since, you know, winter is coming. I have no idea where they're going to plug in the optional engine block heater, though.
House Lannister: BMW X6
The wealthiest house in Westeros, with a few exceptions known to be tall and lean and attractive, and widely considered to be, well, kind of pricks. Can there be any other choice than the BMW X6? Expensive, luxurious, striking design, maybe not totally practical, but who cares? A Lannister arrives in style, and pays some poor schmuck to haul whatever doesn't fit in that sloping hatch. Plus, a Lannister always pays their debts, so that'll help them actually get a loan from BMW.
House Targaryen: Lamborghini LM002
The deposed rulers of Westeros, the Targaryens were best known for having dragons in the past, and now are best known for being almost gone. Their SUV would need to be like them, exotic, very rare, and a bit strange. Luckily, such a vehicle exists: the Lamborghini LM002. The LM002 was a 12-cylinder off-road monster, and even in our mundane, dragon-free world has been the choice of deposed royalty. Plus, there's even a good bed in the back for some newborn dragons.
House Baratheon: Hummer H1
The Baratheons are the current rulers of Westeros, and they came into power both with and with the subtlety of a warhammer. The first Baratheon king, Robert, was a simple, brutal warrior, so their official vehicle is an easy pick: Hummer H1. Huge, tough, unabashedly military– King Robert would have loved one of these, for both getting it on in the back seat and drunkenly running over fleeing knights on horseback.
House Frey: Used AMC Eagle
The Freys make their money by essentially running a toll bridge, and Walder Frey, the head of their house, is a cheap old bastard with lots and lots of offspring. So my guess is he'd choose something cheap and durable. A bunch of used AMC Eagles would do nicely, with decent rough-terrain ability to get around, and if you don't care about how they look or sound or ride, would likely be cheap enough to keep a fleet going. Plus, I don't think Westeros has any vehicle-inspection or smog laws, which'll be a big help.
House Greyjoy: Dutton Commander
These guys are basically pirates, and are all about the sea. They tolerate land since they, you know, don't have gills, but that's about it. So whatever they drive better be at home around water, and for that you can't beat the amphibious Dutton Commander. The perfect thing for your commute from home to ship for a full day's plundering on the high seas.
House Tully: Range Rover
The Tullys are an old, respected house, not particularly known for causing trouble, well-to-do, lots of friends, all that. They seem like Range Rover people.
The Night's Watch: Old Tucker Sno Cat
The Night's Watch has been guarding Westeros' cold Northern border wall for centuries, though lately they've been cash-strapped and short on men. The only vehicles that make sense for them would be something at home in deep snow and icy wastes, but also cheap and durable. A Tucker Sno Cat's pretty much the only answer, but even then they'd probably be limited to outdated, used ones, maybe from auctions of failed ski resorts. Still, as long as they can keep them running, a used Sno Cat's far better than none at all.
There's many more Houses and groups in Westeros, so feel free to add your picks for their vehicles in the comments, and let's all agree not to worry too much about where they're getting gas.