For $1,200, Vote For Pedo

The unicorn is a mythical beast, part horse, part... I don't know, narwhal? rhino? Today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe '84 Chevy Van adds to the lore, but does its price myth the mark?

Yesterday's 1974 Datsun 260Z had doors that open in the way the Atlanta Braves' fans used to root for their team. And, while South Park may have made merry with scissoring being a point of passion for lesbians, you all reviled the car for its portal pandemonium, a fact reflected in its 75% Crack pipe loss.

Before we get into today's candidate, I'd just like to say that there is nothing funny about child abuse. The innocent do not deserve to be made the objects of anyone's amusement at their expense. About that there can be no argument. Sorry about that, but for some odd reason I felt it necessary to make that point before discussing today's . . . oooh look, a unicorn!

Sometimes with NPOCP you wonder about the vehicle, other times you puzzle over the ad itself. In the case of this 1984 Chevy Panel Van, it's a little bit from column A and a slathering from column how can that B?! Let's do the van first. It's an ‘84 which means it misses A-Team immortality by a single year, but is potentially more desirable than that due to its jaw-dropping unicorn defecating a rainbow mural. It also sports what look like 5-slot mags and a heart-shaped opera window in the back-most panel, making it easily something that would engender an appreciative nod from Sammy Johns.

For $1,200, Vote For Pedo

The third generation Chevy Van ran, with minor changes, all the way from 1971 through the mid-'90s, when it was finally thoroughly refreshed and gained the Express moniker. Like every iteration it focused primarily on the commercial market, however window versions provided Kate Plus Eight levels of carrying capacity, rivaled back in the day only by the Suburban. The seller - Paul - claims that this Van's fuel economy is not as awesome as is its mural, and admits to having already switched driving duties with some sort of hybrid. He doesn't go into detail as to the mechanicals, but engine choices in ‘84 ranged from a 4.1-litre V6 all the way up to a 7.4 litre gas V8, with a couple of diesels thrown in for good measure. Let's assume this one has the 190-bhp 5.7 and TH400 automatic, a common fitment. It also appears to have the double swinging rather than sliding side door, a feature introduced this year, and there doesn't seem to be light streaming through it so perhaps rust isn't an issue. However, its overall condition? Mileage? Who knows. Still, unicorn. . .

And now let's talk about the ad.

There is so much in-yer-end-o in this ad that it's obviously been written as some sort of pedo joke, or is the perv-bait of a very awkward FBI sting. Seriously, This van has treated me good throughout the years. . . I just feel I have possibly outgrown this vehicle. . . I love the environment almost as much as I love unicorns. . . Maybe I'm reading too much into this, but having to scan this ad is like being forced to french kiss your sister. I mean ick! You know? Ick! The link was sent to me by BigDaddyBuddha and I don't even want to know what kind of Craigslist dice he was rolling that resulted in the discovery of this.

You know, there are two possible kinds of people who would potentially own this Van and write an ad like that - the first being Rubenesque earth mothers who participate in Renaissance Pleasure Faires, and who are really way past the age when they should be wearing their hair in pigtails. The other, of course, is men who have lost puppies or suffer from an overabundance of free candy. Seriously, who else?

That may be an issue for this seller in their attempt to move the metal, while another factor might be its price. Art is frequently subjective - Gelett Burgess famously being quoted as saying I don't know anything about art, but I know what I like. - and the mural on this Chevy Van makes its $1,200 asking price an obvious point of subjectivity. Discounting the creepiness inherent in the ad, do you think that a picture of a magical unicorn with explosive rainbow diarrhea warrants such a price? Or, are you just here for the candy?

You decide!

St Louis Craigslist or go here if the ad disappears

H/T to BigDaddyBuddha for the hookup!

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