COTD: Crapware Edition

We live in the age of your-way-right-away. People expect individualistic whims and demands to be fulfilled immediately. More often then not, that potential problem is solved by giving people everything they could possibly want — and much more — up front as part of the deal.

On the one hand, it makes some sense: Who's going to complain about getting something, even if they're not going to use it? Why quibble with the extras? At the same time, some subtle issues: Doing this kind of thing is inelegant. It can really take a toll on a system's performance. There are significant, if non-obvious, expenses involved. This is, of course, as true for cars as for PCs.

A common belief among those at this site is that simpler and more straightforward solutions are better. If there are some compromises involved, favoring the car itself over the features works out better. The tendency to burden new vehicles with every imaginable gimmick to satiate some marketing type's clueless demands is a blight on the era.

And so pauljones speaks with a dignified, if slightly weary, voice of reason on what really matters in the face of yet another Porsche crossover:

At this point, I just don't care what automotive manufacturer makes what. All I ask is three things:

1) Make me something beautiful. Mind-numbingly beautiful. I don't care if it comes at the cost of some nth degree of performance. I just want something that makes me smile every single time I look at it. Why? Because beautiful. I want to see cars designed by inspired people whose goal is to inspire others with their designs.

2) Give me the option to leave the bullshit off. I don't need a push-button start. I don't need quadruple-zone air-conditioning. I don't need butt warmers or automated seat vibrators. I also don't need navigation, automatic headlights, rain-sensing windshield wipers, lane-change assist, and all that other crap. It's fine if you want the car to be available with all of that and thus design it in, but make it available without all that crap, too. I'd like to actually be able to afford the car, and the only likely way I'll be able to do so is to leave of the crap that I not only don't want, but also can't afford.

3) Make it sound nice. With real sounds. No speakers or crap. Just good, solid engine sound. Do it right, and you can keep the radio.

Honestly, if all that came in this package, color me interested. I don't care what people think of the CUV niche. As long as it meets the above standards, I'm good. Which is probably while I'll never again be satisfied with a modern car.

Photo Credit: jongalloway