The ten best cars to buy your wife when you cheat on her

Ashton Kutcher tried to buy his way out of cheating on Demi Moore. It didn't work. Jalopnik readers think they can do better. Here's your list of ten cars to buy for the woman who suddenly hates you because you're a philandering ass.

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The ten best cars to buy your wife when you cheat on her

10.) Mercedes-Benz ML63 AMG

Suggested By: Ralph Waldo Emerson

Why it'll set things right: If your wife is the type of person who can forgive infidelity with a car, she is probably interested in a blinged-out SUV with some expensive badge on the front.

Try a Mercedes M63 AMG. The Lexus that Kutcher tried to fork off to Demi Moore is such a weak-looking car. The Merc's 503 horsepower tells her you know she's a strong woman, worthy of the finer things in life, like a massively overcompensating Beverly Hills-mobile.

Photo Credit: Automotive Rhythms

The ten best cars to buy your wife when you cheat on her

9.) Mini Cooper S

Suggested By: Buster Brew

Why it'll set things right: You just cheated on your wife, telling her not only that you don't respect her or find her attractive anymore, but that you've been ignoring her and her needs. Show her that you care about what she wants in life, so don't get her the car you want, get her the car that she wants.

Obviously if you cheated on her, you don't have the slightest clue how your wife thinks, so just get her a cute little Mini Cooper so she can dart around town getting makeovers and going shopping with her girlfriends or whatever the hell she does, you don't know.

Photo Credit: Chris Capell

The ten best cars to buy your wife when you cheat on her

8.) A minivan

Suggested By: Cobra Joe

Why it'll set things right: A minivan shows your dedication to family and your understanding of her needs. That, or it shows how little you care about her as a person and think of her as little but a baby machine, cook, and babysitter rolled into one.

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The ten best cars to buy your wife when you cheat on her

7.) The Marauder

Suggested By: tomedkaz

Why it'll set things right: It's a 15-ton military vehicle that you can drive on the street. It's exorbitantly expensive, but that's not why you should buy one for your snubbed spouse.

No, after she finds out you've been cheating, all she's going to want to do is drive over to your mistress' apartment, and then drive straight through the front door and crush the whole thing to rubble. Let her make that happen; get her a Marauder.

Photo Credit: Top Gear

The ten best cars to buy your wife when you cheat on her

6.) Range Rover Evoque

Suggested By: SennaMP4

Why it'll set things right: Victoria Beckham famously had a hand in refining this new Range Rover, and if anyone is attuned to the needs of materialistic trophy wives, it's the Posh Spice herself.

Let you trophy wife enjoy the fine exclusivity of a sporty little Rangie. Anybody could pick up a Range Rover. Show her that you still think she's still the most special woman in the country club and get her an Evoque.

Photo Credit: Range Rover

The ten best cars to buy your wife when you cheat on her

5.) Bentley Continental GT

Suggested By: NoxoN

Why it'll set things right: It's time to show your spurned wife you're ready to support her into the big leagues. How else is she going to get on the real housewives without a couple hundred horsepower under her stilettos, and as many hand stitches on her leather interior as on her own leathery exterior?

What better car is there to shower her with all the class and refinement that you clearly don't have than a nice, big Bentley?

Photo Credit: Ed Callow

The ten best cars to buy your wife when you cheat on her

4.) Aston Martin V8 Volante

Suggested By: ChiefPontiaxe

Why it'll set things right: Given that you've committed the cardinal sin of infidelity, you should probably go all in and buy your wife a top-of-the-line DBS convertible, as Rick Ross and Drake did for that hot lady who took the fall for some drug bust back when.

Still, you should probably hedge your bets that you're going to be paying some serious alimony pretty soon, so maybe save a buck or two and buy her the equally sexy, much cheaper V8 Volante instead.

Photo Credit: Sam H.

The ten best cars to buy your wife when you cheat on her

3.) A Jeep Wrangler

Suggested By: TheKlic

Why it'll set things right: Your wife is a strong woman and you get that. Moreover, not every girl is into supercars and luxury badges. Find out what she really wants before you go buying her a car, because she might well be into a nice, rugged Jeep.

Buying a gift like flowers or jewelry is pretty straightforward, but a car? She's going to be driving that thing for years, so don't just buy something expensive without having a clue what she likes.

Photo Credit: Rob King

The ten best cars to buy your wife when you cheat on her

2.) A Mercedes Sl 550

Suggested By: stōk

Why it'll set things right: If you could really fix a marriage with a car, that says more about your marriage than anything else, and reader stōk understands that only a particular car will do.

It better be expensive (after all, this is the kind of woman who can be essentially paid off to overlook cheating) and it better be a convertible (she wants to feel sexy to counteract the feeling that you don't think she is, since you cheated and all).

Get her an SL550. Mercedes are expensive and the SL is their most expensive convertible short of the coming SLS. Bitches love SL's. Just don't get the SL63 AMG, or her car will be faster than yours. And since you're the kind of man who would cheat on his significant other and then try to buy her off, i.e. a misogynist, you won't stand for that.

Photo Credit: WIS Photography

The ten best cars to buy your wife when you cheat on her

1.) Ferrari California

Suggested By: MrQuick

Why it'll set things right: Jimmy Cagney and Shirley Jones pretty much spelled things out back in 1959's Never Steal Anything Small. If you are really committed to buying your special someone off with a car, be prepared to go to the top.

You cheated on her, now it's time to go big or go home. And by that I mean go big, or she's going to kick you out of your home.

If you thought you could appease her with anything less than the richest, fastest luxury convertible around, I'm sorry, but she wants a Ferrari.

Photo Credit: Ed Callow