The ten most phallic carsS

If you put a big engine in the front of a small car it's probably going to look like a penis, but some cars just end up more rod-like than others. Here are the vehicles Jalopnik readers chose as the ten most phallic cars of all time.

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Photo Credit: Jim Culp

The ten most phallic cars

10.) Dodge Viper GTS

Suggested By: mkbruin_evil_banker_extrordinaire

Why it's so thrusting: From the double-bubble roof to the rolling curves of its outstretched hood, there are few modern cars that look more like a penis than the late ‘90s Viper GTS.

It needed a lot of room up front for its industrial-grade V10, and its curves are very much in line with the period's approach to aerodynamics, so at least it has excuse for its shape. More than with its concessions to modern design, the Viper excelled as an update of the classic front engine monster, the Shelby Cobra.

Where that car did a good job of looking phallic, the Viper blew ahead into first place.

Photo Credit: Nate Stevens

The ten most phallic cars

9.) Bugatti 57 Atlantic

Suggested By: mkbruin_evil_banker_extrordinaire

Why it's so thrusting: The world heralds the Bugatti 57 Atlantic as one of the beautiful cars of all time. Many recognize it as one of the most classic feats of automotive engineering by the brilliant Bugatti factory.

All that really does nothing to stop it looking like a shaft and balls.

Photo Credit: Ralph Lauren

The ten most phallic cars

8.) Peugeot 302 Darl'mat Pourtout

Suggested By: Pessimippopotamus

Why it's so thrusting: Lots of sports cars from the automobile's golden years of selling unbelievably expensive cars to the flagrantly wealthy looked extremely phallic. It was just a feature of the technology at the time that engines were long and sat completely behind the front wheels, making for a good long hood and not much else.

That said, some cars really took things to an extreme.

While Touring of Milan's 1939 Alfa Romeo 6C 2500SS Berlinetta Aerodinamica put up a strong fight for the most knobbly vintage sports car of all time, it was the designers at Pourtout who really owned the game on making phallic cars, chief among them being their stunning Peugeot 302s.

Photo Credit: Kévin Pourtout

The ten most phallic cars

7.) BMW M Coupe

Suggested By: nibbyS500

Why it's so thrusting: We love the "clown shoe" M Coupe very much here at Jalopnik.

It's an oddball choice for a sports car, and a great machine, but there's no denying there's a certain something to its bulbous front end.

Photo Credit: Ken Meisch

The ten most phallic cars

6.) Kaiser-Darrin

Suggested By: biodieselvw

Why it's so thrusting: The Kaiser-Darrin was by no means a powerful car, with a 3.7 liter L-head six from Kaiser's pedestrian Henry J.

That meant Kaiser only ever sold 435 of these sportsters, sliding doors or no. The lesson is, if you're going to make a car as phallic as can be, at least give it a big engine to back up the looks.

Photo Credit: Alden Jewell

The ten most phallic cars

5.) The Wiesmann

Suggested By: Bonhomme7h

Why it's so thrusting: Wiesmann took a very retro approach to car design back in 2006 when this Wiesmann MF3 debuted. Just like the classic big Healeys and Jowett Jupiters it aped, the Wiesmann left a lot room under the hood for its engine.

In the case of the Wiesmann, this was a wonderfully long inline six from an M3, giving the car all the surging power it needs.

Photo Credit: Wiesmann

The ten most phallic cars

4.) Mercedes-Benz SLS

Suggested By: DasWauto

Why it's so thrusting: Mercedes took one look at the sports car market and clearly assessed that no car on the market looked sufficiently phallic, and thus the SLS was born.

The car debuted in 2009 and had the whole Frankfurt Auto Show standing at attention, stunned by how the company that brought us half of the McLaren-Mercedes SLR (presumably the elongated front half) could outdo themselves.

Photo Credit: Hamann

The ten most phallic cars

3.) Any Se7en

Suggested By: toracer32x

Why it's so thrusting: It might be a brilliant driving tool, and even a questionably brilliant daily driver, but every Lotus clone ever built has been extraordinarily phallic.

Behind the wheel on a country road, you quickly forget the implications of sitting on the rear axle with a long straight hood stretching out in front of you, but there's a reason you look like a complete dork when you drive one into town.

Photo Credit: Stephan Dufornee en Twan van de Valk

The ten most phallic cars

2.) Bill Thomas' Cheetah

Suggested By: tonyola

Why it's so thrusting: GM backed Bill Thomas from 1963-65 as he tried to build a car to trounce the Shelby Cobra. Powered by custom-built 6.2 liter Corvette V8s and made of a tubular spaceframe, Cheetahs were awesome. While the Cheetah never really outdid the winning team of Ford engineering and a crazy Texan racing driver, it did outpace the Cobra in the phallus-lookalike category.

They're fantastically wonderful old beasts, these Cheetahs, top notch cars out of the whirling mass of mid-Sixties custom racers, but just look at them. Unreal.

Photo Credit: Jim Culp

The ten most phallic carsS

1.) C3 Corvette

Suggested By: snapoversteer

Why it's so thrusting: What really shoots the Stingray into the top spot on this list is that it doesn't just look like a penis, but that it's bought almost exclusively as a middle age crisis mobile. The Stingray makes the phallic nature of front-engine sports cars more obvious than any other car, as reader snapoversteer explains:

True story: my dad's buddy bought one of these in about 1978 without telling his wife. They came over for dinner, and before he could respond to inquiries about the new ride, his wife, a psychologist, said, "Oh, Bob's just driving his penis," and promptly went inside.

Photo Credit: Dave Luchansky/Getty Images