If you like big butts and you cannot lie, today's Caprice might just make you fly. Punks'll wanna hit it and then they'll wanna quit it, but Nice Price or Crack Pipe's gonna' win it. And while its donks might cause you starin,' the price that it is wearin' might mean a brother just has to deny.
Okay, that'll be about enough of that, thank you very much. We'll get back to the Hooptie in just a minute but right now we have to see how yesterday's 6-speed Roadmaster faired. With a frighteningly lopsided 78% Nice Price win, it obviously hallowed your weens.
That B-body wagon was one of the last of GM's mastodons, lumbering creatures made extinct by the advent of the Compact parking space. Shared with the big Buick was Chevy's B, known internationally has the cop car of choice when that choice didn't include Ford's Crown Victoria. Today's 1992 Caprice Classic is no cop car, but it may be the perfect place to cop a feel.
Rocking both a hue and shape that makes it appear of the order, Cetacea, this custom Caprice is described by its seller as eye-catching and tasteful which it might be if your point of reference is Carrot Top's suite at the Las Vegas Luxor. The wheels are massive, chromed 24-inch jobs in a stylized iron cross design, as though straight from an episode of Berlin's Vat not to Vear. Wrapped around those are tires that - as they appear in the ad - are either rice paper thin or uniformly pumped to a max of 6 psi. Along with the donks, this Caprice sports the visual differentiators of custom (i.e. eBay) head and tail lamps, and a from valance featuring a deeper vented skirt and front airdam.
The rest of the exterior looks stock, and is still the encumbrance-free aero design that was both a shocking departure from its boxy predecessor and a boon to car washes nationwide. While that may be a little yawn-inducing like a homely date it's what's inside that counts, and in this case, it's inside where the money was shot.
The interior goes full two-tone beige vinyl and features more speakers than Steve Jobs' memorial (what, too soon?). Even the dash gets the vinyl treatment and the wide front bench is like a sweet caramel ocean of the stuff, as is the ass plateau in the back. But what really makes the rear compartment - nay, the entire car -special is the pair of mirrors that have been artistically fitted into the headliner just aft of the dome light. Back seats are prime locations for bumping fuzz and this one heightens the mood by turning the space into a rolling Playboy mansion. Not only is the seating material anti-microbial and easy to clean, but the mirrors allow you to check technique and to offer yourself a high-five for your good taste and skill in conquest.
Mechanically, should that even matter now, the Caprice is said powered by a rebuilt 355 (350 bored .030 over) with less than 30K under its fanbelt. That's backed up by a 700R4 automatic, but if you really jones for a stick, those F2B kits will fit this B as well. Flowmaster exhaust, renewed brakes and front suspension, plus airbags to make for a pillow-smooth ride round out the serious hardware upgrades which are at least equal to the car's visual enhancements.
Overall, this Caprice rocks a Day-um worthy 201,000 miles total, but with all the new stuff that has been added or replaced, it's hard to say whether that would even matter, especially in light of the pure awesomeness that is that backseat whoopie factory.
If this Caprice really is as good as it's described, then it probably won't have any performance issues. Contrastingly, should you be experiencing - well, performance issues, then this might be the ticket and for $10,700 it might be a better prescription than a fist full of little blue pills.
What do you think of this love-donk? Are its modifications worth that $10,700? Or, while the car may be fly, is that price too high?
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