The literary-minded upstate New York Audi dealership is far from the first to attempt a humor transplant into the sometimes ugly world of selling cars. Some, like this ad from a Charlotte, N.C., lot, are not so successful. Maybe Desu-San-Desu can provide some pointers:
And now, brace yourself as I regale you with a fantastic tale about that time Mr. Barry paid a Philippino hooker with CASH and wound up asking her for a refund and all she could give him was this amazingly RARE 1980 Audi Sport quattro! And the most amazing thing is that this INCREDIBLY RARE Audi with a pure RACING pedigree and an immaculate leather interior with absolutely NO BODILY FLUIDS can be had by you for a mere $79,387! It's a STEAL! IT'S FAST, TOO! SOOOOO FAST! It's SO FAST that VIN DIESEL comes included the passengers's seat to make sure you double clutch and don't granny shift! And it has the quattro which is Cantonese for FOUR! That means SNOW! SAND! MUD! DIRT! ICE! HILLS! PARKING LOTS! DRIVEWAYS! SMALL CHILDREN! MONSTER TRUCKS! MCDONALDS! You can drive through all of them without even breaking a sweat! And it's RED! Which means your insurance will be cheaper and police won't see you! That's how HARRY POTTER works! And see those vents on the hood? GILLS! This car can DRIVE UNDERWATER! You can drive to pick up the Little Mermaid with this car and take her to the movies on Andromeda because this Audi is FASTER THAN THE SPEED OF LIGHT! I bet your handsome neighbor's red Ferrari (That cost him WAY MORE than $79,387!!!1!) can't do THAT! Make him jealous with how many naked supermodels you can fit in this car because did I mention IT'S A HATCHBACK! SEXY PRACTICALITY! JUST LIKE EUROPE! It's the Ferrari FF from the FUTURE! With RETRO STYLING for the HIPSTERS! It's so FAST it can go BACK IN TIME which is IRONIC! HIPSTERS will LOVE this FAST RED HATCHBACK EVERY-WHEEL-DRIVE FAST SPORT AUDI RACESHIP!!! It's so roomy you could hold a 1969 Studio 54 ORGY in it! This RARE RED AUDI HATCHBACK WILL GET YOU SO MUCH OF THE SEX! This Audi will get you more SEX than a Budweiser SUPER BOWL commercial! Tell your neighbor to put THAT in his corncob pipe and smoke it! HOW CAN THIS AMAZING RARE FAST SPACESHIP RED AUDI ONLY BE $79,387!?!?!?11/1? And LET ME TELL YOU, too, that Mr. Barry didn't even get the FULL VALUE of his refund back but you know what THAT'S OKAY because now YOU get to reap the savings on HIS mistake! So put down that BACON-CHEDDER-WASABI-CHICKEN-RANCH-STEAK-THREE-CHEESE-MUTANT-SLIME CHALUPA and call for a post-purchase TEST DRIVE now!
And don't forget! FAST RED QUATTRO HATCHBACK VIN DIESEL HIPSTER SEX!!!!