If you're a fan of the thrasher band, Red Fang, then you've no doubt seen their Jackass-inspired video for the song Wires in which a third-gen Chevy B-body wagon is used in a gran mal version of will it blend? Today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe '85 Caprice Wagon is almost a twin, but is its price a jackass move?
One of the positive outcomes of MTV's shift away from actually being MUSIC TELEVISION and toward being just another purveyor of cable crap is that bands are no longer held to the network's standards of behavior. The Internet has no such standards, and hence you can watch Weezer's Hash Pipe video without someone bleeping out the lyric ‘hashpipe.' Dumbasses.
It's unlikely that you'll see Red Fang's latest video on the network that allegedly killed the radio star for similar reasons. But that's okay, we'll just link to it here. But be forewarned that there is a visual f-bomb in a couple of scenes, and the band isn't what you'd call a poster child for MADD, so use your discretion if viewing at work, school, or house of worship.
Okay, aside from that being the greatest music video since Red Fang's Prehistoric Dog video - Hey! Gandalf, nice dress! - it also proves just how much punishment a third generation Chevy B-body wagon can stand and still keep ticking. According to the video, they spent $685 for that beige bomber - plus $4.26 to torch it at the end. Today's 1985 Caprice Wagon can't beat that, but it comes within less than couple hundred more. Plus it's newer and is described as looking cool and having lots of dents. Sadly, it currently lacks a battering ram.
Located in Austin Texas, but claiming a clean Montana title, this big Chevy looks complete and ready to express some lactose intolerance should you be really seeking to emulate that video. Helping to do so is a 305-cid V8 with an Edelbrock intake and Hedman hedders to ease its breathing. With a factory 4BBL these engines put out around 165-bhp back in the day, but who knows what this one's packing now. The transmission should be the 4-speed 700R, which will allow both hands to be braced on the wheel at all times preparatory to any impact.
One the downside, the seller claims the A/C doesn't work - a likely reason he's trying to sell it prior to the oven that's the typical Austin summer. Additionally, the driver's side window is stuck in the down position, which could be either a good or bad thing considering the A/C issue. It's also said to sport only 69,000 miles, and does appear (at least in the grainy shots) to be both rust free and lacking any indication that it has been in any music videos of late.
While the third generation of Caprice represented a significant diminution in size for the marque, these are still honkin'-big cars, and provide enough room for six up front and a couple more in the back if it's not already filled with cases of PBR. The bodywork is also damn good looking, sporting the squared-off bluffness that both implies roominess and assured mannequin disintegration. The later cars' bar of soap appearance demonstrated the far-reaching impact of Ford's aero-take with their Taurus, and while they have their advocates, this third gen is much more the ticket for both coolness and mindless destruction due to its more upright styling.
So, to wrap it up, this Caprice wagon has room to carry the band, if perhaps not all their equipment. It's claimed to run great and look cool, and comes with a clear title. What more could you ask? Well, some of you might ask for a lower price. And now it's time to find out which of you that may be. What's your take on this '85 Caprice wagon for $800? Is that a price that would be hard to beat? Or, is that cost off-key?
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