For $21,500, be a CHiP off the old small block

If you happen to be an extrovert, like say, Charlie Sheen, then an SSP Mustang in full CHP livery might be the perfect car for you. Today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe ‘92 EVOC is just such a car, although I think Charlie'd be more comfortable in back.

Cue the angels on high, and the golden trumpeters. Now start sprinkling the myrrh. Ready? Okay, here we go- Alfa Romeo, venerated creator of cars that provide both endorphin-overloading delight, and soul-crushing frustration, represented yesterday with a $500 Alfetta that not only garnered a 90% Nice Price win, but also several declarations to the effect that it still would be so even if covered in killer bees that have had their stingers dipped in poodle poop. To the swiftest goes the spoils, and hopefully somebody is swift in getting that Alfa before it spoils too much more.

For $21,500, be a CHiP off the old small block

Today's car is pretty swift, and of course it'd have to be considering its intended purpose. The old saying goes you can't outrun a Motorola, but even still, the Highway Patrol needed something speedy to overcome the stigma caused by years of CHiPs episodes, and so was born the Special Services Package Mustang.

For $21,500, be a CHiP off the old small block

In its service with the CHP this 1992 SSP ‘Stang never so much as eyed the five much less peeled out on PCH. That's because it spent its life as an EVOC (Emergency Vehicle Operator Course) training car. Being an EVOC means that when new, it received a full cage, and traded its back seat for two sets of Simpson five-points. It then spent the next nine years and 28,000 miles being flogged around the CHP's training track in Sacramento, if the seller's description is to be believed. That's a lot of cop's asses in the flatter ‘n a crew-cut seats, plus a heaping of sorrow from a regimen of abuse akin to that suffered by Gary Busey's brain.

For $21,500, be a CHiP off the old small block

Fortunately, the seller says that he has tried to protect rather than restore the car, keeping as much of the original copness intact, while replacing the generic FoMoCo stuff that has worn out with NOS parts. He claims that when he bought it, the car was disassembled for painting, and that he had it shot an appropriate black and white, over which he's had the correct decals applied. In total the car looks like your worst nightmare looming in the rearview, right down to its ‘E' plates, the legality of which I don't even pretend to know.

For $21,500, be a CHiP off the old small block

Those plates are just part of what the seller claims has been his obsession with originality and he says everything on the car is as it was when it first started showing the Smokies how it's done. It may have been its track-only existence for much of its life that spared this SSP the ignominy of the junkyard. I once had a CHP officer tell me that while they loved the Mustangs, the uni-body would eventually literally crack in half from the stresses that were demanded of it. This one looks all intact and in fact the seller says it drives and runs like a champ, even down to the R12 coursing through its A/C system's veins. That may be old school, but then again so is the rest of the fox-body ‘Stang. The engine is the fuel injected 302, and the transmission is the tried and true T5. The suspension has been heavy duty-ized but is still a live axle in back, while up front it does the modified Macpherson strut. Bagpipes optional.

For $21,500, be a CHiP off the old small block

The opportunity to drive what is nominally a hotted-up Mustang GT without the constraints of traffic laws - all the while carrying a gun - makes for a compelling advertisement for joining the men and women of the Highway Patrol. But you know, what I always thought the CHP was missing a great opportunity by not using the AC/DC headbanger Highway to Hell in their recruitment efforts. I mean, with all the hardware they rock, they're already pretty heavy metal.

I'd imagine it would go something like this:

Drivin' easy, drivin' free
Season ticket on a highway ride
Lemme' see your license, give it to me
Pulled you over just to mess with your stride
Don't need reason, don't need rhyme
Ain't nothing I would rather do
Hammer down, double time
In aviators and a pornstache too
(yeah)
I'm on the Highway Patrol
Highway Patrol
(I'm on the Highway Patrol)
Highway Patrol
Highway Patrol

No stop signs, speed limits
Outta' my way you left-lane clown
Fight me in court, you're not gonna' win it
Nobody's gonna' mess me round
Hey buddy, I fill my due
Of speeding tickets, yeah I'm the man
Hey Momma, look at me
I'm on my way to the doughnut stand
I'm on the Highway Patrol
Highway Patrol
(I'm on the Highway Patrol)
Highway Patrol
Highway Patrol

(Don't stop me)

And you're slowin' down, traffic break!
I'm on the Highway Patrol

Sadly, they never took my advice, but instead made recruitment videos like this, in which our car supposedly stars.

From the looks of the pictures, as well as the description in the ad, it seems like this SSP might still be up for playing cops and robbers. The seller however doesn't seem to be playing as his Buy It Now is $21,500, which is some serious change. The question remains, is that a price for this SSP Mustang that is just the ticket? Or, is that more highway robbery?

You decide!

eBay or go here if the ad disappears.

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