In some Spanish speaking countries, the word pajero is slang for wanker. While we never officially got it in the U.S., today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe Mitsubishi Pajero Evolution is here, and it may be fap-worthy.
It seemed that a good 60% of you wouldn't have minding the pleasure of finding yourself behind the wheel of yesterday's sleeper Malibu. That car couldn't have been more all-American if it came with John Wayne in the passenger seat, hurling horseshoes at communism-espousing hippies while eating the world's blandest cheese.
Today's candidate is so not-American that it even believes in evolution.
Mitsubishi. Other than the Evo, that's one Japanese car maker whose entire product portfolio might be a struggle to recall. One you may have never even heard of is the Pajero Evolution. We got shipments of the Pajero's relative, the Montero, but only the first-generation of that truck (along with its cosmetic cousin, the Dodge Raider) came in such a short wheelbase two door form factor. Keeping the dream alive, this 1998 JDM Pajero Evolution has a span between its axles so short it would make Larry Craig uncomfortable, and enough flare in its fenders to guest star on That ‘70s Show.
In case you were wondering just what in the hell you would do with such a beast, the seller conveniently notes that Mistu ran them in the Paris to Dakar rally- which this one handily homages. However, if your only interest in Dakar is hitting the clubs smelling of it, then maybe this isn't the right-hand driver for you. That's right, this car is so JDM you could use it to deliver mail or show the window guy at In-N-Out just how long your arms are.
It does come with a 4-speed automatic, so aside from drive-thru shenanigans, you won't have to grope around with your left hand, trying to figure out which slot is second in the bizarro world that is right-hand-drive. You know, the first time I drove a right-hander, I kept waving my arm out into traffic trying to find the gear lever on each shift, and as it was a cut-down door Morgan, that was easy to do. Trying to keep from having my passenger sitting in oncoming traffic, that was a little harder. Our '49 Bentley is also right hand drive, but with the shift lever next to your right leg, making shifting a little more natural, but getting in and out a testicle-threatening affair.
Ahead of the Pajero's auto box is Mitsubishi's sweet 6G74 V6. That 3,497-cc DOHC engine plumps out almost 280-bhp, made possible by the MIVEC variable cam timing and the ability to rev past seven grand without the help of Viagra. All that power is fed through the Pajero's Super Select 4WD system which features a center diff lock and two-speed transfer case - nothing fancy here, but tough and quick. The suspension is double wishbones up front - with torsion bars to keep them in line, and a multi-link IRS out back - and plenty of travel should they get the wanderlust.
Inside we'll just have to imagine the stock Recaros, power everything, and automatic A/C as the seller doesn't deign either picture worthy. The rest of the car looks pretty good with no apparent Dakar dents or Paris. . . whatevers. That good as the deeply scooped hood and the under bumper valance are both weight-saving, but dent by looking at it aluminum. Out back, the batman ears are plastic and possible aid the aero along with making the Riddler nervous, while up front the little wing mirror on the off-side fender lets you keep track of the competition. And if all the factory rice-a-roni isn't your cup of Sake, he's also got a cone filter intake that you can either put on the Pajero or make coffee with, whatever is your preference.
The seller says that this JDM bomb shell is registered in Washington State, which leads me to believe I could probably license a coal-fired whorehouse on wheels up there and nobody at the DMV would so much as bat an eye. Maybe they work on the honor system there, who knows? Anyway, he says it's down in the Bay Area on holiday, and that you should come up and see it. That might be your only chance because the only way this thing is getting a set of Cali plates is if Jerry Brown realizes that to solve the state's budget deficit he'll have to declare war on our neighbors to the north, and then immediately surrender and demand reparations. That's good because Oregon is another state that doesn't seem to give a shit about furrin' car licensing.
What ever state you're in, this Paris to Dakar dynamo would set you back $9,800 to get behind its incongruously placed steering wheel. For that much you could be playing mailbox baseball - solitaire with it before the feds tackle you and send it back to the far reaches of JDM land, or Washington, whichever they can afford.
So what's your take on this odd bodkin of a Mitsu? Does its $9,800 price tag make you want to JDM in your pants? Or, does that price make this Pajero punitively pejorative?
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