For $10,500, What Not To Wear

If the waistband of your tighty whities advertise any designer other than Flute of the Room or possibly Hanes, then you just might have designs on today's Nice Price or Crack Pipe custom 733i.

While you all may not give a rat's sphincter over the whole happy holidays/merry Christmas flap, one tradition you're almost universally sticking to is that no can of Krylon should ever touch a DeLorean's stainless steel sides. That inflexible observance garnered yesterday's red 1982 DMC-12 a 59% Crack Pipe loss, doing wonders for Windex futures. They say clothes make the man, and that DeLorean's attire was made a major issue in its vote, a point of contention we may have to revisit today.

Gucci was founded in 1921, and since then the Italian design house has been accessorizing the World's jet setters and brand-whoring elite. Many of those Gucci-ites also favor BMW's four-door range-topping 7-series, and merging the two uber brands together seems like a no brainer.

For $10,500, What Not To Wear

After all, Gucci had been creating custom auto interiors on lesser brands since the ‘70s, starting with the AMC Hornet Sportabout. Cadillac also offered a Gucci edition of the Seville for a time, and Ford, not to be left out, gave the Town Car the Gucci treatment too. However, this 1984 Gucci BMW 733i is not a factory job, as it is said to have been Gucci-zed by Braman Motors of Miami Florida. Hmmm, Miami, go figure.

For $10,500, What Not To Wear

The seller claims that Braman's Guccization, when new, would set you back a cool sixty grand. Now he's asking $10,500, which in 733i land is a pretty tony neighborhood. The 733i, or E23 in Bimmer-speak, represented the first generation of BMW's 7-series large sedans. Originally made available in the U.S. with a 177-bhp 3,210-cc six, and a choice of 5-speed stick or 3-speed automatic, the 733i also featured a full slate of luxury accoutrements. By the time this 1984 edition was facing its date with designer destiny, the six was up to 181 horsepower and its automatic (sorry haters) had grown a fourth gear. The refresh that brought those changes also included more wood on the dash and power bucket seats for your ass.

For $10,500, What Not To Wear

On this car, the factory wood remains nice and satiny, and stands counter to the unique designer door panels, seat trim and headrest/armrest re-covers that make this car's interior Guccigasmic. And oh but there's a lot of Gucci going on- so much so that if you're totally into the brand, this interior will be like pure, uncut heroin. The Gucci gone wild continues to a lesser extent on the outside, where in places you'd expect to be chrome for the holidays, there's gold, and the roundel wheel caps have been replaced with Gucci's interlocked double G logos. Aside from that, the silver-blue paint still shines, and the car looks to be free of dents or missing trim, making this one of the cleanest 733s on the market.

For $10,500, What Not To Wear

And the market for 7-series is a precarious one as the big BMW has a depreciation curve that's steeper than the back of a men's room urinal, and after so many years, you can find a lot of old 7's down there, circling the drain with the hockey pucks. The seller of this one thinks it's worth a ton more due to three factors- its low mileage (it supposedly only shows 38K); its condition; and its exclusivity due to the Gucci connection.

The problem with that last one is that fashion tends to be both seasonal, and extremely fickle. And while the designer here is very traditional, those who might be impressed by this car's Gucciness would also not be caught dead in an '84 733i as it is neither recent enough to be considered evidence of affluence, nor old enough to be a similarly demonstrative classic. That puts it in the class of plain old used cars, something that the fashion conscious tend to avoid like the plague. That is, until the plague diet becomes fashionable, of course.

For $10,500, What Not To Wear

So, $10,500 seems like a chunk of change for an old 733i, even one as obviously clean and low mileage as this one. The only thing driving that price, and hence the car's place here today, is the fact that it's a one of a kind Gucci-trimmed ode to wretched excess, which might be kind of fun to have. Of course, should you be a Russian mobster or Sheik Enbake, you may right now be trying to calm your excitement over the car long enough to dial the seller and tell him to throw a sold sign on it.

But for the rest of you, what's your take on this fashionista four-door? Does that $10,500 price make you want to have it on your catwalk? Or, for that much, is this Gucci Bimmer a gauche bummer?

You decide!


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