The One Kia That Doesn’t Suck

I wouldn't be caught dead in a Kia. If you find my body in one, have the decency to drag me out. But one Kia is a well-kept secret. Cheap, disposable and effective, the Sedona is a 244-horsepower spork.

Say you and the missus decide to have yourself some kids. You know what that means? 16-plus years of french fries under the seats, baby vomit stained upholstery and Bob the Builder DVDs over and over again.

So why not get a vehicle you already hate?

Here's four reasons to love the Kia Sedona minivan.

1.) They're Disposable.

Cheap, semi-reliable and safe. For 22 grand you can drag the kids to orthodontists and ballet recitals for 150,000 miles and, by then, junior will be old enough to drive.

And if he grenades the torque converter doing burnouts on YouTube, who cares? The resale on a high-mileage Sedona is tied to how much gas is in the tank.

2.) They're Safe.

Sure, it's a rolling landfill, but that's the product of your loins in that minivan. Chances are the tranny will fall out on the way to soccer practice, but if the family gets in a wreck they'll do it with 5-star safety ratings. Of course, the flying soccer cleats will be kind of dangerous, but Kia can't control your damn kids and their stuff.

3.) They Already Look Like Crap.

Whether you get a family truckster or a Bentley Brooklands, one thing is for sure: your kids are going to destroy it. (My dad never forgave me for dripping ice cream into the window rails of his '65 Biscayne.) Do you really want your kids writing in crayon on your Ranger Rover's Connolly leather?

The Sedona's interior looks like hell straight from the factory. No amount of dog drool, juice box contents or semi-digested meals from Sizzler will make it look any worse.

Buy the Sedona and never look in the back of it again.

4.) It Won't Make You Look Like An Even Bigger Dork.

The difference in street cred between a Kia Sedona and a Honda Odyssey Premium Luxury Special Limited Edition is approximately 0.000001 percent. If you're going to look like a boob, you might as well be the boob with a little extra cash in his pocket.

And you know what? If you're that self-conscious, just pry the Kia logos off.

This piece was written and submitted by a Jalopnik reader and may not express views held by Jalopnik or its staff. But maybe they will become our views. It all depends on whether or not this person wins your vote in the second round of our reality show, "Who Wants to be America's Next Top Car Blogger?"