Mercedes C63 AMG: Unhinged EntertainmentS

The Mercedes C63 AMG is an entertaining and psychotic version of a normal car, just like how my friend Cole is an entertaining and psychotic version of a real person. Pray they never meet.

About two months in to my freshman year of college, my friend Cole and I were hungry. The problem is that we were hungry at 9:35pm, and after 9:30pm on Butler University's campus, it is impossible to obtain food without either having already purchased it or going to a frat party and raiding their kitchen when everybody else is too drunk to notice. Seeing as there were no frat parties that night, we were really bloody hungry, we didn't have class the next morning, and Cole has a nearly magical ability to convince people to do stupid things, we did something stupid. Find out what we did and what is has to do with this car after the jump.

We decided to walk to go get something... preferably something edible. Since we didn't know where Broad Ripple was yet, this being the somewhat reasonable (20 minutes on a trail) place to walk to near campus, we went to the place we did know, 38th street. For those who have never lived in Indianapolis, 38th st. is the dodgy part of town. It's the kind of place where a liquor store, porn shop, and loan shark all inhabit the same building which is across the street from the gun store that sells the most guns that eventually get used illegally out of any retailer in the United States. For clarity's sake, this is a store which appears to be run by a homicidal, arms-dealing knock-off of Colonel Sanders [You Tube Link Here:

]. Also, this part of town was five miles away, mostly along I-65 by the path we knew.

So there we were, both happening to be wearing long black coats, looking like the kind of people who might steal your car, and running along the median when we realize that the median is ending. After that we spend about one mile scrambling along a steep slope off the side of the highway, and one mile crawling through the bushes that had overtaken the shoulder or, when no cars were even on the horizon, running in the right hand lane. Having spend the better part of two hours doing this, I can say that this is an inefficient mode of transportation.

Eventually we made it to the dodgy end of town, and Cole mentioned that he felt like having some wings, so we went to Hooters, the one that happens to have inexplicable neon plastic palm trees out front. When we got there was about the time I suggested that we should have simply ordered a pizza or some Chinese food. Despite the absolute idiocy of this night, it was one of my favorite nights from the four years I spent at Butler.

The C63 AMG is a lot like Cole. You can hang out with him all the time, but he will get you into some stupid situations or some trouble. That's just how he works… and he's damn proud of it too. The engine is just that happy to rev. I simply looked at the gas pedal and the engine revved up, made that sound that cougars make right before they pounce (the cat, not the 40-something in a cleavage shirt), and shot forward, almost into another very expensive piece of Mercedes.

However, once I got used to this piece of berserk engineering, I loved it. The handling is very good, the seats are comfortable and supportive for those who aren't fatties, the transmission shifts perfectly, and it even comes in what is a very practical package, assuming the brains of your 2.3 children are very firmly affixed inside their little skulls, but the real magic is in the engine. This is one of the most ridiculously entertaining engines I have ever had the joy to experience. The power-plant is constantly threatening to murder the driver in all sorts of Cthuluesque ways. The emotions it inspires are not unlike what I imagine trying to surf on a komodo dragon would feel like: terror, exhilaration, and a significant sense of insanity. It's like this time when Cole and I were sparring in the woods in the middle of the pouring rain with thunder booming not so distantly.

Usually, when I meet a new person or car, I more or less forget about them promptly. The C63 may not be a sane choice, just like Cole, but it sure as hell is a fun one.

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