There comes a time in a car man's life when he realizes it's time to give up the bachelor lifestyle. But how to tie the know without ending the days of howling engines, smoking tires and wind swept hair-dos?
We car nuts wear our obsession on our chests, display it proudly in our garages. Why in the world would we want that to end with a simple exchanging of "I do"? We don't. Truth be told, many a relationship ends because we are given an ultimatum - "me or the car", they say. But even the most recalcitrant of gearheads finds that certain someone who loves them for who they are and what they obsess about. Dawwwwwwww.
So, having found that someone, and assuming everything progresses into a typical backseat error of judgment, the question has been popped, the date set, the respective clans invited. Now all that's left is to plan the day of bliss. This is where trouble can arise. Don't panic! Here are a few tips
for the soon-to-be-wed automotive enthusiast.
The easiest way to choose colors? Think of a bad ass car. Now paint it in the colors being argued.
Pink and orange Ferrari? Not gonna fly.
Deciding on foods can be difficult. Taste vary from person to person. I proffer a few suggestions based on car makes:
The key here is speed. Choose a saucy, cheese-filled meal that will go through you at 200 miles per hour.
Here's an opportunity at a true slice of Americana. BBQ, all the way baby.
Something in the vegetarian/vegan market may suit your needs here. The trick is to convey a sense of self worth that your guests will both appreciate yet inwardly deride.
If you're feeling different, offer nuts or fruits as favors at the reception. If you're feeling safe, offer stool hardener.
Thankfully, British motoring is not as bland as British cuisine. You may choose light yet spicy, beefy yet refined, or... something having to do with Jaguar.
WHERE TO REGISTER
Gifts! Yay! What did we get? A plate set! Oh. Yay.
Think of a gift registry as a manual transmission: the ultimate control for delivering power to the wheels of your new life. Use it to funnel your guests and gift givers towards those venues more in tune with your rev-addicted self. This is also an AWESOME opportunity to get some of those tools you've been needing/craving for your home garage. A paint gun to color your life. A floor jack to lift you up when your down. If all else fails, accept cold hard cash or even gift certificates to your favorite vehicular emporium. A registry is not so much a location where to get items so much as it is the items themselves. Make a list. People LIKE treasure hunting for gift giving. Hell, even spice up the hunt by making it race!
TRANSPORTATION FOR THE EVENT
First, and foremost, DO NOT USE YOUR OWN VEHICLE. This decision is made slightly easier if your first love is still on a lift with the engine out on a crane back home. But for those of you with your nice, shiny car all good to go, I offer this scenario:
Window paint, whipped cream and silly string on your $X,000 paint job
Rent! That way, you can threaten your would-be impromptu car-customizing friends with the cleaning bill from the agency. Also, any enthusiastic driver knows that a rental car handles a thousand times better than any car you own yourself.
Now what better way to celebrate your nuptials than with a good, old-fashioned road trip? Again, renting your vehicle is a good way to go if your own vehicle is still on blocks or you prefer to not spend your honeymoon crammed inside that econobox. There are a veritable multitude (count it: 1) of agencies(y) that will allow you to rent the car state to state. Personal experience has taught me this is the only way your significant other will let you get away with a brand new Mustang convertible (or laugh at you when you get a Chrysler Sebring).
So you've got the car, you've decided on a destination, but how to put those special rental car handling properties to use?
You may just want to enjoy the regular scenic routes if your now-husband/wife gets sick on the teacups at Disneyland.
This piece was written and submitted by a Jalopnik reader and may not express views held by Jalopnik or its staff. But maybe they will become our views. It all depends on whether or not this person wins by whit of your eyeballs in our reality show, "Who Wants to be America's Next Top Car Blogger?"