Our story of the VW Amarok motorhome begins in the 234th year of the United States, or 2010. In a modernist condo in Palo Alto, there lived a guy named Gary Jr., whose Brioni suit exuded something people called "expensive."
Despite his well-tanned exterior, and no matter how much Red Bull he guzzled, Gary, Jr. was filled with ennui. Finally, after an unsettling incident involving a full-body x-ray scanner, a social media guru who called herself @TweetPharie23, and a twinkie filled with high-potency Uzbeki X, he was fired from his Apple consulting gig. Gary Jr. was crestfallen — it being less than a week before his 30th birthday. With nowhere to turn, Gary Jr. called his life coach Janisse. Janisse lived in a plush motorhome built by Bimobil that she lifted off a down-on-his-luck derivatives trader in a high-stakes game of strip Farmville.
"Can I live with you in your well-appointed gray market VW motorhome?" Gary Jr. asked Janisse. "And I see you're wearing the Givency hoodie I bought you. It looks swish."
"Only if you remember to clear the DVR when you're done watching the last episode of Top Chef," Janisse said.
"Done and done," Gary Jr. said. "Now how do I light the gas stove?"
And that was how Gary Jr. transcended a life of professional-class angst to joins his parents camping, in the afterlife.
Hat tip to Spinelli.