This Pontiac Grand Am Craigslist ad proclaims: Some people would say "Sir, you have torn half the interior out of your car," to which i would respond, "you sir are a drunk AND your wife is a common harlot." Updated.
Here's how to pitch the upside of a copper-colored Pontiac Grand Am GT with no interior in the rear, which is a car we wouldn't wish on our worst enemies for its dubious quality and copious use of GM gray plastic.
2003 Pontiac Grand AM GT Utility Vehicle
From GM's Excitement Division: This very rare piece comes with a unique, ultra-configurable UTILITARIAN rear space. Some people would say "Sir, you have torn half the interior out of your car," to which i would respond, "you sir are a drunk AND your wife is a common harlot.
(Though it is true, the back seat and carpeting have been removed- but lets get to that later)
I am the original owner and purchased this 2003 Grand Am in June of 03. It is Fusion orange color with the SCT appearance package, 4-door, V6, auto, loaded, leather seats and moonroof (it's a window to the MOON, Brother!). That same year i bought it i was in a mild accident and had it repaired by the dealer, which i must declare, in the name of honesty. The car has never left me stranded and has always performed flawlessly. Current mileage is 125,000ish and it comes with the quickness! (it ain't slow)
Exterior of this thing is all over the place. Looks great from 20 feet, especially with the tinted windows and black rims. yeah It's got some scratches, bumps in bruises but that's because it's from the streets and shit is real in the streets. Rust? Hell no we ain't go no rust. In fact i'd say it's freakishly rust-free underneath for midwest car.
I'm OCD about preventive car maintenance and since the warranty expired a few year back I've replaced:
Both front wheel bearings (60k miles)
Upgraded to braided stainless brake lines and K&N Drop in (25k)
Starter (went bad)
Battery (Couple year ago?)
Plugs, Wires (100k)
Brake Rotors (most recently at 100k)
Radiator flush (120k)
Trans Flush (75k)
Oil (every 5k)
Pads (every 20k)
Also, BRAND NEW WHEELS ($500!) three months ago
But that's not the best part: ACT NOW and receives these free UPGRADES!
-Tinted windows in the rear so no one can see your wicked collection of stuff
-Bazooka Bass Tube tied to factory radio (with control knob up front)
-Electric Analog oil pressure gauge to replace shoddy oil pressure light
-Scan tool ( http://www.aeroforcetech.com/products_interceptor.html ) monitors real time vehicle data and reads/clears trouble codes. In Dual-pod A-pillar mount with Oil pressure.
-All red interior gauges/lighting make it look like the inside of the space shuttle at night.
-Modified stock Stereo to accept line-in for iPod, etc
-Hard wired for Sirrius satellite receiver. (Dock, antenna, power, etc all plumbed, you provide the unit)
-Stock wheels refinished, painted flat black 3 months ago, holding up to wear perfectly (stockers were corroding and not holding air so i polished, painted and finished them when i got the new tires)
Now remember, this is an extra special, HIGH UTILITY Grand Am. Rear interior removed (Carpet, seats, dead weight and volumetric-storage-stealing junk!) Now it's a high-capacity work vehicle in the back, sports sedan up front and all orange on the outside. Kind of like a FWD El Camino... with a topper. (All original interior pieces included... and i guess i could put it back together if you really wanted, or you could build a wicked system, fill the back with particle board and listen to the hippity hop? The possibilities are really endless.)
Also, because it ain't drive by wire or made by Toyota, your chances of fiery death are greatly reduced!**
(**Seller not responsible for your actual chances of fiery death. The Grand Am offers no protection implied or otherwise from flesh-eating Ogres )
Conclusion: it's reliable, it's handy, it looks nice (on the outside) and it's had all it's shots. Prices for Grand Ams seem to be all over the place so shall we say $4500 or make an offer? (also, i know you're eager to trade away your late 80's 325ix, ASSEMBLED 1stgen TSi or built st205 All-trac but anything less I'll be graciously declining)
Only $4500 to the first gullible taker!
Update: Turns out the poster is not only a Jalopnik reader, he's a LeMons racer too! Here's his explaination:
You guys found my CL ad! :)
I actually had forgotten about/assumed it had expired. I knew it was
a long shot but decided I had to test the waters, as my girlfriend is
growing ever weary of my ever extending car and bike fleet clogging up
her driveway and i had my eye on some new projects. (That's a black
Miata parked in her garage in the background, which she's taken a
liking to. Borrowing. But for some reason doesn't care to ride in
the Pontiac. I think it has to do with her hatred of Camino Style
vehicles, which I've attributed to a head injury sustained as a
But i digress. I just completed a 3600 miles trip from Ohio to
Albuquerque to Denver to Madison to Ohio in this car, so you can add
"road proven" to the list. If anyone is interested in admiring it in
person, I'll probably be using it to haul tools and parts up to the
Michigan Lemons race in April.
Keep up the good work,
Team Reynolds Style
(Thanks for the tip Jeff) [Craigslist Ad]