Commenter Of The Day: Speechifying Edition

There are two kinds of public oration: speaking and speechifying. The rigid definitions of the terms don't provide much elucidation, but it's clear to the audience which one they're hearing when they're hearing it. You invite someone to speak, but someone speechifying usually just shows up unannounced and often unwanted. People politely clap or maybe even stand after a speech, but proper speechifying is greeted with shouts of "Amen" from older women fanning themselves with folded church circulars. A speech might incite you to vote or act a certain way, but speechifying will incite you to hurl bricks at things or people. Reporters cover speeches, Speechifiers often cover reporters with spittle. The sad news of Volvo's wagon plans had us speaking, so we're glad Turbolence88 stepped up with some speechifying.

Ladies and gentlemen of Jalopnik, I'm at an end.

For the last ten years I held, in my firm, unwavering belief, that there were certain automotive truths that would never be usurped. They are as follows.

- The Japanese will continue to build sporty compact cars that people enjoy.
- The Koreans will forever build low-rate cars that have hideous resale values.
- American car manufacturers will never fall so long as someone needs a car.
- The Europeans will keep selling cars to those who see cars as a status symbol rather than a driving machine.
- Volvo will always build a reliable, dependable, fun wagon.

Today, my final belief on that list has been crushed.

The car market has changed. Gone are the terms "fast," "sporty," "nimble," and "fun" from car-selling lingo, replaced with "safety," "crossover," "economical," and "beige." Drivers no longer rely on their skills to keep them on the road; they instead rely on the countless computer assists that help them keep the wheels from spinning, keep the car's rear end from sliding out behind them, and even attempt to alert them if they so much as come within 3 inches of a line without a turn indicator.

The general public doesn't understand us. Time and time again my friends and family cannot understand my fixation and desire for a car 17 years old with *just* one airbag and poor reliability (93 RX-7). Why, they ask, do I want something so old? Why can't I just settle on a bloated FWD sedan with a V-6 for "ample power?" Why do I not appreciate modern technology that makes driving easier for everyone?

It's because I am a Jalop.

Today's announcement is expected and logical to millions, yet heartbreaking and life-changing for some. The few that society casts aside because they cannot understand our love for cars. Because they are afraid to understand.

Today, we Jalops have taken yet another bullet in the carpocalypse that has taken many amazing machines from us simply because they were not viable.

But today, I can add one firm, unwavering belief to the list that gives me hope for the future.

- Jalopniks are pure, and will forever honor and respect the steel of yore.

Thank you.

Testify!