The National Truck Equipment Assocation's annual Work Truck Show is trucking along this week. Ever wonder what kind of warning labels end up on heavy-duty vehicles? These are the ten freakiest. Remember, kids: Watch out for those water pools!
To review: All riders in the cab. Seatbelts must be fastened. And yes, he looks like he is gettin' his b-boy on. Please refrain from popping, locking, or any form of funky fresh downrock while around the vehicle. That is all.
MANY COLORS. EVERYTHING IS COLORS. SO MANY COLORS. GAH!
Also, this is the only warning label in this gallery that doesn't carry an illustration. Odd, isn't it? You can die while monkeying around with this truck's high-voltage electrical system (220-volt recharge plug-in, anyone?), but under no circumstances will you be shown what not to touch. If you already know where the danger is, you don't need the label. If you don't know what's what, shouldn't you get a little help?
Image one: If a bus begins to breakdance/funky fresh downrock while on a lift, get the hell out.
Image two: Do not stand under a bus when is being made ready to funky fresh downrock.
Image three: Do not dig a hole under the bus's left lift leg unless you want to watch it funky fresh downrock.
Image four: If you play around with lift arm heights, you can make the bus do that shuffling shoulder-slump groove from Michael Jackson's Thriller. This is even worse than the downrock. Don't do it.
"And then the outrigger stepped on my new pair of Air Force Ones, and I was all, 'What's up, yo? You tryin' to front? You wanna 'poligize? No? You don't like talkin', huh? You ready for some SERIOUS CRUSHING INJURY, fool? Represent!'"
"And then, you know, he didn't back down, me and my boys got all up in his face, and I passed out from some blood loss and shit, and I woke up in the hospital. I ain't never goin' back to that club again, yo. Them bitches is crazy."
Warning: Don't be fat, even if your truck has outriggers. (Why does that guy look like he's enjoying it? Why do we want to draw in a little cartoon voice bubble in that just says "Whee!"?)
...and that's when Frank E. Lectric, humble power-company line worker, was transformed into Frankie Lightning, Supervillian Master of Electrical Disaster! Lightning flows to and from his fingers! He commands the elements! BR-ZAP!
Later that week, Timmy Tchocker, one of the kids at the local elementary school, tried to repeat the accident. He was not so lucky. Poor, poor Timmy. Take a lesson, kids: Not everyone can become a supervillain.
Anything with the words "chipper" and "sever" on it just gives us the creeps.
Fingers, meet meshing gears. Meshing gears, meet fingers. Crunch crunch crumple crunch. Simple, direct, obvious. Now that's a useful diagram.
Seriously injured? Yes. Still sporting some stylish, wavy Rick Astley hair? Yes. Priorities, people. Priorities.
(Obligatory Arrested Development reference: "And that's why you never stick your arm into a moving driveshaft!")
We made this up. We like it, but it's not real. Enjoy it, but don't write us letters. Please.