Yesterday, the lumberjack-loving gals at The Globe and Mail put together a list of cars that'd help ladies pick up men. Lame. Here's ten cars that definitely won't enhance your milkshake's ability to bring boys to the yard.

They say:

Are you a single woman looking for Mr. Right? Forget online dating, the awkward blind date, or scouring the grocery-store aisles for single guys. There's an untapped resource right at your fingertips – your car.

But if we're to believe them the right car will snag you a winner, the wrong car could make you a loser and here's the ten to avoid. Girl power!

Car: Chevy Cobalt Coupe

What it says about you: Your boyfriend forces you to cook meth.

Why men don't like that: Meth dealers have guns and rampant paranoia.

Car: Chrysler Town and Country

What it says about you: You're ready to give birth.

Why men don't like that: Nothing is more frightening to a man than the prospect of fathering children.

Car: 2010 Acura RDX

What is says about you: The ugliest car on sale does not make a good first impression.

Why men don't like that: Men are shallow.

Car: Lexus HS250h

What is says about you: Only managing 35 MPG combined and costing $34,200, the little Lexus hybrid says gullible, eco-freak and boring in equal measures.

Why men don't like that: Think of one of Hillary Clinton's pant suits. This is the automotive equivalent.

Car: Toyota Camry

What it says about you: It won't have a chance to say anything about you, it's so boring that it will literally make you invisible.

Why men don't like that: Men like cars, not beige.

Car: Ford Mustang V6 Convertible

What it says about you: that in addition to cheerleading, you think blowies are a competitive sport.

Why men don't like that: While the prospect of easy sex will initially attract most men, the Herpes breakout will ultimately prove a turnoff.

Car: Chrysler PT Cruiser

What is says about you: That you eat dinner at 5pm and have a closet full of orthopedic shoes.

Why men don't like that: men prefer women that use pantyhose as a way to make their legs look tan, not as a medical aid.

Car: VW Beetle

What it says about you: not only do you have a bedroom full of stuffed animals, but if you were to bring a man home, you'd hold conversations with him in their voices.

Why men don't like that: they think you'll murder them in their sleep if they accidently push Mr. Nibbles off the bed.

Car: Subaru Outback

What it says about you: that you wear Birkenstocks, baggy cargo shorts and fantasize about Rossie O'Donnell

Why men don't like that: men like women who shave their legs.

Car: Hummer H2

What it says about you: that you consider Ron Jeremy and Peter North "colleagues."

Why men don't like that: Oh they like that, it's just that their computer screens are too small to show all the stretch marks and surgery scars.

Send an email to Wes Siler, the author of this post, at wes@jalopnik.com.