Nineteen eighty five centered the decade of personal excess and narcissism. A exemplar of that profligacy is the subject of our consideration today- a Johnson Phantom. Starting with a third-gen F-body, and ending with a grotesque approximation of a Mercedes 540K, the Phantom revels in all that was unfavorable about its era.
This one is being sold for the bargain price of $45. No, even Nice Price or Crack Pipe isn't cruel enough to take advantage of the seller's obvious unfamiliarity with commas and proper pecuniary delineation. Truth-in-advertising be damned, he means $45,000. And he'll only sell to someone who can prove that they will store the car in a garage- like you'd park this beauty in front of your house. For that not unsubstantial sum you get smoked T-tops, AM/FM stereo, some form of engine and automatic transmission, and the turning radius of the Exxon Valdez. Oh yeah, and lion upholstery.
Let's revisit that last item; it is claimed to have real lion upholstery.
Who does that? The kind of person who uses an elephant's leg as a footstool? A cleaved monkey's head as an ashtray? A hippo's mouth for a bidet? You'd think that a car which has been outfitted so as to appeal to one's inner Ted Nugent would sport a gun rack in order to provide easy access in the event, while motoring to the Piggly Wiggly, you happen to come across a sasquatch, or 30-point great dane. But such is not the case. Still, this is the perfect car for a drive to the neighborhood apothecary to pick up your endangered mountain panda gall badder aphrodisiac poultice. And you will likely be the only kid on your block with bucket seats trimmed in the King of the Jungle.
Lion upholstery is much more difficult to obtain than leather. For leather, pretty much all you have to do is walk out into the field and pull the skin off of a cow. They're extremely docile creatures, and there's probably a zipper down the front to ease the process. Lion, on the other hand, requires much more effort. First off, there aren't that many lions around, and unless you want to be skinning one in a zoo, you're going to have to go either to Africa, or Cost Plus. And you know parking at Cost Plus can be a bitch.
So, what'll it be for this freak show with a ticket price of $45,000? Is that a Nice Price for those simba-skinned seats? Or is it a Crack Pipe and maybe a PETA membership to wash away the stench of revulsion?
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