An Official Offer Of Employment To Bob Lutz

We have an unabashed man-crush on consummate car-guy and all-around-legend, "Maximum" Bob Lutz. But that's not the only reason we're presenting him with this official offer of employment as a special contributor to Jalopnik.

We just finished penning the following letter we'll be sending to GM's retiring Vice-Chairman, Bob Lutz.

Dear Bob,

Your transition from GM's Vice-Chairman into the role of "Senior Advisor" won't occur until April 1st, and you'll still be with the General through the end of 2009, yet we understand you're already starting to plan for a future beyond the walls of the Warren Design Studios and the Detroit RenCen. Given what we're sure are a plethora of suitors, we wanted to firmly and publicly throw our hat into the ring with this official non-exclusive offer of employment as a compensated special contributor to Jalopnik.

You may be asking yourself "Why Jalopnik?" We've given some serious thought to that question beyond the mere retort of "Why not?" Here's why:

You already have blogging experience with GM's Fastlane Blog. You've heard of the internet. So that's one hurdle we won't have to deal with.

You have a very special way with words. It's not just that you say whatever comes to your mind, it's that you say it with such a passion that although listeners may not agree with you, they can't help but listen. True, we won't want you being our public voice (can someone say Colbert Report? Oy!), but we'd love to have your voice added to the chorus.

We've got editorial freedom. We promise you'll be your own model of writer, not some re-badged Opel of blogging. Do you think Motor Trend's going to always let you say what you want? Road & Track? Edmunds? Ha. Fuck that, we've got more freedom over here. See, like right there. I just said "Fuck" for no reason other than to prove a point. Try doing that on TV.

We're the cool kids and so are you. Some still see us as the bad boys of the automotive internet world. Kind of like you. There's so few of us now who embrace our love of cars, those of us who do need to stick together — kind of like "Band of Brothers" but without the shooting and war and stuff (Yes, that means no live ammo in your L-39 Albatros, ok?).

We don't demand exclusivity. If you want to write for other publications too, that's fine. Just don't try to coast. I don't let the other guys do it and you'll get yelled at too. No, I don't care if you created the Viper or wrote "Guts," you bring your A-game over here.

We've been told our readership is a "good size." We're not gonna brag or nuthin', but we've got like 2.6 million people reading us each month — and no, that doesn't include sketchy AutoWeek-type shit like counting magical "pass-through" readers (and see, I said "shit" there — what'd I tell ya about that editorial freedom, eh?)

We'll pay you. We're not, like, rolling in it, but we've got a few ducats stashed away. So yes, we're not looking for pro bono work. Not that we won't take the pro bono work. By all means, if you're independently wealthy, feel free to work for nothing but press cars and, you know, beer money from the editors.

So there you have it, Bob. We think you'll find Jalopnik and Bob Lutz are like peas and carrots. Or even more like a Dodge Viper and scorched calves. Whatever. Anyway, e-mail me here if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

Ray Wert
Editor-in-Chief, Jalopnik.com

Shoot, we don't have any stamps. What do you suppose the chances are he'll be able to read this without us mailing it?