How Eddie Griffin Destroyed The Economy By Crashing A Ferrari Enzo

CNBC's "House of Cards" documentary finally proves what we've suspected for some time, Eddie Griffin crashing Daniel Sadek's Ferrari Enzo for Redline caused the sub-prime mortgage crisis. See, we told you to Save The Enzos.

First, check out the clip from the documentary here (sorry, the Hulu embed wasn't working right), then come back to read through our sequential ordering of how the sub-prime mortgage crisis and the Carpocalypse actually occurred to see the link:

• Daniel Sadek owned Quick Loan Funding, a company providing mortgages to un-creditworthy buyers, exploding the sub-prime mortgage market to epic proportions.
• Sadek's company makes a lot of money through something called "Asset Securitization," whereby sub-primes are bundled up, repackaged and sold at credit ratings higher than the underlying mortgage credit worthiness as either "Mortgage Backed Securities" (MBS) or "Collateralized Debt Obligations" (CDOs).
• Sadek sinks profits into Redline movie, even letting Griffin crash Sadek's Enzo to promote it.
• Major banks and financial institutions that had borrowed and invested heavily in MBS and CDOs to re-purpose Sadek's mortgages face liquidity and solvency issues due to defaults of underlying mortgages within the securities.
• Banks stop loaning people money for buying cars because they're afraid they'll face a liquidity crisis.
• No loans means a "credit crunch" and thus, the Carpocalypse.

What do you mean our internal link scenario is highly dubious? It's so obvious. Just use the Commutative Property of mathematics and we swear it works — it's all Eddie Griffin's fault.

[CNBC via Hulu]

Send an email to Ray Wert, the author of this post, at ray@jalopnik.com.

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