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Jan 14, 2009 05:30 PM
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Detroit, 6:47 AM
Wed Feb 10
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Welcome to Project Car Hell, where you choose your eternity by selecting the project that's the coolest... and most hellish! We don't have so many American cars here, because parts are too easy to find…
However, it's our patriotic duty to ensure that the US of A gets the occasional shot at the PCH Trophy (which is now in the shop for magnafluxing and should be back any month now). It's still possible to find a true Detroit Hell Project- you just need to find one that's been mangled modified to the point of hopelessness super-coolness, or maybe something from a long-defunct non-Big-Three automaker. We've got both for you today!
Sometimes you have to factor in the Enraged Neighbor Index (ENI) when you're calculating the hellishness of a project. The ENI should be considered a multiplier; for example, if you've got a single project car- say, a decrepit Triumph GT6 with a family of skunks living in the engine compartment- sitting on blocks on your driveway, you can figure on an ENI of 2.5- that is, 2.5 times the hell you'd have with the same car leaking invisibly in your garage, what with all that whining about destroyed neighborhood property values, chasing busybodies off with a shotgun, etc. However, the calculations get really interesting when you suddenly acquire a junkyard on your property- say, these four 1949 and 1950 Packards. According to our calculations, lining up four basket-case Packards anywhere in view of your neighbors results in a staggering ENI figure of 4,522! Yes, your life will become what your lawyers like to call "a series of terrible misunderstandings" once you start this project, but so what? Every one of these cars ran when parked, and every one has a straight eight engine! Some of the glass is still there, ditto the trim, and the seller says that red stuff is just surface rust- why, you could have all four of these classic machines back on the road in your dreams no time! And, say, maybe the worst one could be turned into a slam-dunk 24 Hours Of LeMons People's Choice winner! Thanks to Whoa Befalls Electra for the tip!
If you're talking Detroit cars, you'd better be talking Detroit muscle! But the endless lines of 60s GM A bodies, Mustangs, and Chrysler B bodies at the car shows are strictly from snoresville, just like classic rock. You want to be able to knock off a guhnarly-ass burnout in the convenience-store parking lot, then blow away some Integras, then go to jail for Exhibition Of Speed use the same car as a commuter machine, right? Hell yeah! That's why you need this 4.3 Vortech-powered 1976 Chevy Chevette (go here if the ad disappears), which is priced at just $1,000. Why, you can't even get a medium-quick 3rd-gen Camaro for that kind of money! This project isn't quite what you'd call finished, but it's not very pretty close; the engine is mounted, but it's not running yet ("Ignition needs wired in , Needs fuel deliverysystem completed, Exhaust and a Battery"). It's got the stock Chevette rear end (which was designed to withstand 52 horsepower), but the seller seems pretty sure that the 200+ horses of that V6 should be no problem for it. Get it working and it will be extremely lethal quick! Thanks to Jim Bob for the tip!
Send an email to Murilee Martin, the author of this post, at murilee@jalopnik.com.
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