Welcome to Project Car Hell, where you choose your eternity by selecting the project that's the coolest... and most hellish! Last time, the Seata Spring triumphed in the poll… but it was short on cylinders.
You see, what we all really want to spend eternity with is a V12 Hell Project (actually, what I want is an inline 12, but that's another topic), and we can thank the Germans for really expanding our low-budget dodecahoonage options in recent years. That's twelve combustion chambers, each itching to free itself from the bonds of that confining head gasket seal… twelve sets of rings… bearings… twelve sets of everything, and none of it cheap! But the initial purchase of a V12 car- or cars- can be quite inexpensive, and thus is a true Eternal Damnation Project born!
We've done BMW 750iL Hell before, and we'll certainly do it again, since that fine machine ranks up there with the Citroën SM and Porsche 928 in the all-time annals of the Hell Garage. Today, though, we've got a 750iL that
plumbs new depths attains a new zenith of perfection: this Pimp Ride 1991 750iL convertible (go here if the ad disappears), which is priced at a pimp-on-a-budget $2,000. What's that you say? BMW never made a convertible 750iL? Exactly! You'll have the only one in town! And don't worry that it's some kind of crude backyard Sawzall job that compromised the structural integrity of that hyper-engineered chassis, because the seller says it has a "PROFESSIONALLY INSTALLED POWER TOP." Man, you'll have the time of your life offending BMW purists with this thing (a worthy goal in itself), and all the while you'll be enjoying V12 power and Iceberg Slim-grade smoothness. There's no word on the condition of the notoriously fragile transmission or banks of fritzy computers, but a little optimism will seal your fate make everything fine!
Those Yurpeans weren't the only ones to build V12s, you know; Ford was putting L-head and flathead V12s in Lincolns and Zephyrs way back in 1932. In fact, the original "Hot Rod Lincoln" by Charlie Ryan specifically refers to the V12 engine by number of cylinders, unlike the incorrect cylinder count used by Commander Cody in his better-known cover version. Let's hear the original now:
Fine, you may be grumbling to yourself at this point, but isn't this just another Murilee Digression™? You can't get a V12 Lincoln for anywhere near the price of that BMW! Wrong-o, my friends! I've found two V12 Lincolns for 500 bucks less than the Pimp Ride 750iL Convert! Impossible to believe? Then check out this two-fer-one deal on a pair of 1946 Lincoln sedans (go here if the ad disappears), priced at $1,500 or best offer! Yes, all the gratuitous italicization in the world can't lend enough emphasis to the sheer once-in-a-lifetimeness of that deal, and I'd be
lowering my property values improving my quality of life with these impossible easy projects right now, were they not located in Texas. There's rust. Most Some parts are missing. Some folks - bad people- might try to tell you that the first model year of postwar Lincolns had such small production numbers that parts won't exist at any price, but don't listen to 'em! The seller says the engine in one was "verified to turn over several months ago," and that's all you need to know. And the engine repair manual is available free online, thanks to the Old Car Manual Project. Nothing to fear!