Welcome to Project Car Hell, where you choose your eternity by selecting the project that's the coolest... and the most hellish! Last time we stepped into the Liquid Sodium Garage, 78% of you felt that the WRX-powered VW Beetle would be your eternal torment, leaving the poor Granada hearse unwanted and unfeared. But that was last week; today we're locked into Presidential Election Hell, and that means it's time to vote on projects similar to cars driven by two of the 20th century's most powerful presidents. Men who didn't hesitate to grind political enemies to dust (the way your project will grind you to dust)... men who bombed the living crap out of third-worlders who threatened their empires (the way your project will bomb the living crap out of your bank account): Richard Nixon and Charles de Gaulle!
While Richard Milhous Nixon drove a man-of-the-people-esque '48 Mercury woodie wagon during his first senatorial campaign, once he got to be president, by God, he was going to roll in a vehicle befitting a man of his stature. A car that would show the doubters, the back-stabbers, the East Coast elitists, and- especially- the treasonous press that here was a man not to be trifled with! A man who would make you pay for trying to thwart him during his rise to power! For that, it pretty much goes without saying that you need a great big Cadillac Fleetwood, and that's just what Nixon got once he became president. His first presidential ride was a 1967 Fleetwood 75 limo, outfitted with the best in commie-bullet-stopping armor plate and- we're assuming here- a gold-plated Dilantin dispenser. Now, you'll need to add the presidential goodies yourself, but it's no sweat finding a suitable Fleetwood; take, for example, this 1967 Cadillac Fleetwood 75 limo, priced at just $1,250. That leaves you plenty of cash left over to fix the rust (the seller says "needs body work," which- given that the car is in Minnesota- we're interpreting as "more air than metal") and have the interior done in leather embossed with the presidential seal. Throw a microfilm-stuffed pumpkin in the trunk and you'll be ready to roll!
Sure, Nixon had a lot of power, but de Gaulle had style! Not only that, when you're choosing a President Grade Hell Project, you need to ask yourself: did a Cadillac ever save Nixon's life? The battleship-like construction, hydropneumatic suspension, and excellent handling of the Citroën DS saved de Gaulle at least twice, once when some right-wing dingbat tried to machine-gun him, and again when his DS drove right through a roadside napalm bomb explosion. Clearly, the DS is the way to roll like a president, but it's going to be tough to find one in the same price range as that super-cheap Caddy. Not to worry, though, because all
tortures good things are possible in Project Car Hell; we've found this 1967 Citroën DS sitting with a price tag of just two grand! The seller (apparently suffering from the kind of Citroën Fatigue that renders one incapable of using punctuation or capitalization) claims the car is "nearly rust free"- which we're inclined to believe, given that this DS is in Arizona- but follows that statement with the less encouraging "needs new interior and a little work done its been sitting for some time." You figure maybe the hydraulics need complete replacement a little work, and possibly the engine is frozen solid requires some freshening, but so what? If it was good enough for de Gaulle, it's good enough for your garage!