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Oct 22, 2008 05:20 PM
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Detroit, 5:50 PM
Tue Feb 9
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Welcome to Project Car Hell, where you choose your eternity by selecting the project that's the coolest... and the most hellish! Yesterday, we were not quite shocked to see the backyard-turbo'd VW GTI obliterate the rod-knockitty Toyota FX16 by a 76:24 margin in the Choose Your Eternity poll. Today we're going to consider the Fauxrrari, and- just to make it more interesting- we're not considering Fiero-based cars. That's right, no Fierraris!
You've got your Fauxrraris based on Fieros, or Corvettes, or 280Zs, or even Mitsubishi Eclipses. But say you want the reliability and VTEC power of a Honda product in your Fauxrrari? Sure, sure, it's front-wheel drive, and maybe that makes a Ferronda even more of an abomination in the eyes of Ferrari purists, but horrifying the purists to the point where they have to start dumping extra anisetta shots in their espresso just to maintain the will to live… well, that's why we're here, isn't it? Of course it is, and that's just one of many excellent reasons for you to purchase this 1994 Acura Integra with 'Ferrari F430 conversion' (go here if the ad disappears), which sports a totally reasonable asking price of a mere $2,500. The seller says "everything on car is perfect," but then his or her ironclad sense of honesty compels the following semi-disturbing qualification: "its stalling MILDLY on 2345 gear and when on 60mph wont let me go higher its not tranny cuz wen in neutral i press gas and it struggles so it might be senors or m.a.p sensor which online is 70$." You see? The stalling is mild; get a new MAP sensor and it's good to go! Of course, you'll need to jack up the horsepower to Ferrari standards, so that you'll be able to torque steer your way into the nearest ditch justify that fine, fine pure Bondo bodywork, which means adding turbocharging and intercooling until the combustion chambers are hotter than the surface of the sun.
You could definitely have some fun in an Integrrari, since it would actually be pretty quick and all, but the Fierrari guys will point to your front-wheel burnouts and laugh and you can't have that! If you're going to spend the staggering sum of several thousand bucks on a Fauxrrari, it's got to be rear-wheel-drive, right? What you're looking for, my budget-minded supercar-seeking friend, is a genuine Mustrrari, built on Ford's protean Fox platform. When you've got a Fox, every junkyard in North America will seem like a comprehensively stocked superstore to you, and you want cheap aftermarket performance parts? Whooo-EEEE! You can turn a Fox into a 200 MPH deathtrap performance machine for nickels and dimes, my friend, nickels… and… dimes! "But did anyone ever make a Fox Ford Ferrari kit?" you might be asking, and it turns out the answer to that question is definitely a big 10-4, with this yellow Mustrrari (go here if the ad disappears) as the proof. We don't know the year of the chassis (in fact, it might not even be a Fox, though that's the way to bet), and we don't know the engine size, transmission type, nor anything else of any value to potential buyers, since the seller doesn't wish to divulge that sensitive information in the Craigslist ad. All we know is that "someone just needs to go over the body again, fix the engine, and 'freshen' everything up." How hard could it be?
Send an email to Murilee Martin, the author of this post, at murilee@jalopnik.com.
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