Drunk, High, Naked Driver Crashes Into Parked Car While Masturbating... But Wait, There's More!S Canadian James Boppre, former owner of a successful landscaping business, was on parole with house arrest on condition of sobriety after drunk driving and weapons convictions. On the evening of July 30th, Boppre fell off the wagon in a serious way. It started out with booze and ended with Boppre crashing into a parked car, speeding, drunk, high on crack, and masturbating naked with a similarly nude hooker, who was also masturbating. Yeah, Brendon Alan Erhardt has nothing on this guy...except a video camera. Sordid details below the jump.Boppre elected to celebrate Wednesday by getting drunk, and in an obviously solid cognitive state, decided to hop into his truck and go find a prostitute. Lady of the night found, Boppre decided smoking some crack with his new friend was a smashing idea, as was taking off their clothes and masturbating. And driving around. Speeding. Somewhere during the execution of this plan, Boppre misjudged a corner and crashed into a parked car at high speed. Car disabled, Boppre then grabbed his clothes and ran off like a streak in the night. His cunning plan was ruined when eye-witnesses followed him to a hiding spot and pointed the cops in his direction. So what's next for Mr. James Boppre? Well, the judge in the case wanted to reward what he considered Boppre's good behavio, at least up to that point. He had managed to stay out of trouble up until his... you know... his booze, crack, hooker and car crashing binge — so the judge levied the minimum four-month jail sentence, prohibited him from driving for five years, added three years of probation and recommended counseling. We recommend sending this guy into the Yukon Territory with a shotgun, a fifth of Wild Turkey and a rubber chicken, just to see what happens. [TheRecord]