How Not To Modify Your Mercury Cougar

Whereas we like to think Jalopnik is a fairly safe and friendly place to express an opinion, niche forums can be brutal. Take the story of one young man and his last generation Mercury Cougar at the New Cougar forums. We know it can't be easy to be a Cougar owner — who do you have to look down on? Topaz owners? Nevertheless, these fan-boys soldier on and learn to squeeze every bit of love and performance out of their cars, which is something we can respect. But this guy's ride we can't respect. He's basically taken plywood and home theatre controls and shoved them in the backseat of his car (something you can do if you have no friends). The execution is so poor that it makes you start to appreciate the ridiculous import tuner crowd. But as harsh as we could be, our pithy comments are nothing compared to the ire directed at him by his fellow Cougar fan-boys. We've included a selection of said comments below the jump.

Cats And Dogs Living Together

Selected Responses From The New Cougar Forums

"You do know that if you get in an accident, all that stuff is going to kill you, right?"

"What in the jihad??? What in earth brought you to think all those pc speakers would be so much better than just spending the money on a good car audio head unit. What do the girls say when you ride by blasting the windows startup sound?"

"Not sure if anyone posted this already but that ****'s gonna get stolen. WTF were you thinking, not just because it what it is, but because there is no harness and it is in plain view."

"The problem isn't the SOUND quality... the problem is that there are computer speakers (LOTS of Computer Speakers) filling the entire back seat! LOL

"That neon in the trunk was hilarious to me beacause it was bridged across both seats, so if you were to fold down one it would break. Then again you cant fold down your seats because there is a logitec demo in the back seat!"

Cougar Owner Responds

hey noggs you strike me as one of those Madison Democrat pplz but I'll ask anyway, PM me where you live so I can have a witness stop by and confirm that the speakers sound awesome.

Yes I do, just cropped it out. They're mounted on the dash. Didn't you think it odd that 5.1 speaker sets each had only 4 speakers back there? Guess where the other 2 are

Also, the neon lights are hidden (except in the back temporarily). I made sure that from sitting anywhere in the car, you can't see any part of the blue bar at all. You also can't see the exterior green ones without laying on the ground. I just took the shot of it with the camera cuz it wasn't catching the glow alone and to show where it was. Didn't you notice that the camera angle was from like a foot off the ground?

Btw if I get a stereo installed with an Aux in, I can use the door speakers at the same time. But seriously, you all own cougars, as if being 3 feet below your ears, nearer to the engine, with the insane amount of road noise you get makes them sound like anything. I can't stand them and it's not worth putting really expensive ones in that will sound better when they're in a horrible place to begin with.

That's just a small sampling of what has to be the longest 7G Cougar related thread in history. (h/t Braff) [New Cougar Forums]

Send an email to Matt Hardigree, the author of this post, at matt@jalopnik.com.

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