Jalopnik
Whereas we like to think Jalopnik is a fairly safe and friendly place to express an opinion, niche forums can be brutal. Take the story of one young man and his last generation Mercury Cougar at the New Cougar forums. We know it can't be easy to be a Cougar owner — who do you have to look down on? Topaz owners? Nevertheless, these fan-boys soldier on and learn to squeeze every bit of love and performance out of their cars, which is something we can respect. But this guy's ride we can't respect. He's basically taken plywood and home theatre controls and shoved them in the backseat of his car (something you can do if you have no friends). The execution is so poor that it makes you start to appreciate the ridiculous import tuner crowd. But as harsh as we could be, our pithy comments are nothing compared to the ire directed at him by his fellow Cougar fan-boys. We've included a selection of said comments below the jump.
Selected Responses From The New Cougar Forums"You do know that if you get in an accident, all that stuff is going to kill you, right?"
"What in the jihad??? What in earth brought you to think all those pc speakers would be so much better than just spending the money on a good car audio head unit. What do the girls say when you ride by blasting the windows startup sound?"
"Not sure if anyone posted this already but that ****'s gonna get stolen. WTF were you thinking, not just because it what it is, but because there is no harness and it is in plain view."
"The problem isn't the SOUND quality... the problem is that there are computer speakers (LOTS of Computer Speakers) filling the entire back seat! LOL
"That neon in the trunk was hilarious to me beacause it was bridged across both seats, so if you were to fold down one it would break. Then again you cant fold down your seats because there is a logitec demo in the back seat!"
Cougar Owner Responds
hey noggs you strike me as one of those Madison Democrat pplz but I'll ask anyway, PM me where you live so I can have a witness stop by and confirm that the speakers sound awesome.
Yes I do, just cropped it out. They're mounted on the dash. Didn't you think it odd that 5.1 speaker sets each had only 4 speakers back there? Guess where the other 2 are
Also, the neon lights are hidden (except in the back temporarily). I made sure that from sitting anywhere in the car, you can't see any part of the blue bar at all. You also can't see the exterior green ones without laying on the ground. I just took the shot of it with the camera cuz it wasn't catching the glow alone and to show where it was. Didn't you notice that the camera angle was from like a foot off the ground?
Btw if I get a stereo installed with an Aux in, I can use the door speakers at the same time. But seriously, you all own cougars, as if being 3 feet below your ears, nearer to the engine, with the insane amount of road noise you get makes them sound like anything. I can't stand them and it's not worth putting really expensive ones in that will sound better when they're in a horrible place to begin with.
That's just a small sampling of what has to be the longest 7G Cougar related thread in history. (h/t Braff) [New Cougar Forums]
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Hooooooooooooooo!
I think it's charming. I'm in Istanbul at the moment.. and I've seen cars like that driving around.. albeit not Cougars but Murat (Fiat) 124's.
HUH-larious. There's stupid people everywhere, even driving Mercury Cougars.
The best part of that whole thread... is that they are all Cougar owners looking down on another Cougar owner.
I bet they hold their get-togethers at Applebees because TGIFridays is too expensive...
god how this reminds me of the days when we took 2 6x9 sparkomatic dual cone speakers and set them on the rear deck and let the magnet hold them there until when braking the 5000lb 74 chevy impala launched the above said mentioned 6 pound speakers forward into the windshield...awesome
WHAT A COMPLETE TIT!!!!!
"But seriously, you all own cougars, as if being 3 feet below your ears, nearer to the engine, with the insane amount of road noise you get makes them sound like anything."
I'm not really sure what that means. I've read it about 12 or 13 times and I can't gather anything from it, but I think he's trying to say that cougars are not good cars, in which case I still have respect for this man.
This may be the thread I've been waiting for all week. Hold on, I'm going to get some popcorn...
If it's done with a sense of irony, it's cool.
Sadly, I'm not getting the impression that it was done with any intended humor.
At least we can take comfort in knowing that anyone who would do this to a car certainly lacks the skills to procreate.
@stuntpuppy: it consumes a lot of time... and brain power to make it through.
I particularly enjoyed when one of the moderators wrote "play nice" in regards to everyone getting ready to slam this kid... then someone replied "i kind of like this part of your mods", to which the moderator replied "well, you don't have to lie..."
truly scrumtrulescent... This thread deserves a full James Lipton treatment
You gotta admit, though, the Thundercats logo in the trunk is awesome.
@staaave:
I believe he's referring to the stock location of the speakers not being ideal for stereo reproduction.
However, I've never heard of a wall of speakers from BEHIND being a better solution for stereo sound.
If the guy the fucked with this Cougar fell in a bucket of nipples,he'd come out sucking his thumb. What a dumbass.
@smalleyxb122: Even if he knows where to put it, he's got to find a willing accomplice.
I used to have a neighbor named Leon who owned a Ford Escort 3-Door with three mismatched panels (FR 1/4 panel, R door, RL 1/4 panel). About twice a month he would go buy one of those $19.95 speaker/woofer boxes from Napa auto parts and wire it in to his existing stereo.
Eventually he had filled the entire hatch with about 8-12 of these pieces of shit plus a bunch of cheap or stolen amps.
Same guy also hot glues an American flag to his hood after 9/11. The flag was larger than the hood, so he tucked a bunch into the engine compartment.
Leon was a nice guy, but also a complete fucking retard.
The end.
@smalleyxb122: i would like to believe that, but I believe this is the type of person who has the ability to procreate by merely nuzzling the leg of his acid-washed Wrangles jeans against any female of proper birthing age, and HUZZAH... a baby is "dun borned"...
My best buddy from high school and college has a 99 Cougar. The only positive thing I can say about the car is that whatever fabric the seats are made with does an excellent job of not absorbing the smell of pot smoke.
Needs more dash skull.
I had a pair of 3 foot tall Panasonic Thrusters in the back seat of my Super Beetle in high school, so I can't really talk too much shit about this guy.
@Nayrlladnar: A hot cocktail watress, at a nightclub I worked at, drove one... I think that should be the only person really allowed to do so. A hot chick who doesnt have lots of money...
Now, give me the previous generation and I would drive that. In fact, my father drove a 97(?) that had the V8 up front and drive wheels in the back... great fun on the east coast for a young man who just got his license...
Why didn't anyone stop him?
This is a kid with way to much time in front of his computer..Playing warcraft an suddenly realise....This would be cool in your car.....but for playing music instead..that would be cool.
Has anyone told him that car audio is a thing u can buy at a store?
Hey, at least the kid's got heart.
I wonder who the 30 or so guests (and growing) are reading that thread?
There are some dudes with garrish looking cars insulting this thing as cheap looking. awesome.
The Cougar isn't a bad car it scores in the low 100's on the Jalop scale, assuming an XR-7 V-8. I'm sure this idiot's is a V-6. What was once a decent car, RWD, IRS, available V-8, available but rare supercharged V-6 and manual transmission, has been reduced to a joke because of the fools that are buying them.
@P161911: I believe the site is dedicated to the most recent generation of Cougars... AKA Bitch Kittys
Love the dragon seat covers. Like real dragons would go anywhere near this car. Might be able to get some cougars, though, if the owner is young enough.
Still, it reminds me of the Marantz home speakers I used to occasionally rig into the backseat of my GTI in high school. Perhaps I should not throw stones.
I particularly like one of the opening comments to the effect of "where are you from - that might help explain this." As if idiots don't grow equally well in all climates.
"All aboard the failboat" - spectacular.
This is not quite as good as the direct diesel injection from a few months, but still quite good. I started laughing so hard I had to shut my office door so my coworkers wouldn't think I was high.
@eldo500: Uh, that's just weird. Stop stealing my personal history with slight modifications.
Never drink & drive,never smoke & modify those are the rules
@P161911: This Cougar, however is of the 4-cylinder, front wheel drive variety. Craptastic!
Sorry guys, stupid stereo is fully compensated for by the T-cats logo in the trunk.
This car is Awesome.
@smalleyxb122: well, at least we know he won't be making any babies in the back seat.
I think he's talking about the factory speakers being below your ears, closer to the engine. His superior setup is better satisfying his audiophile needs.
Wow. When I was 17, broke and desperate to have a CD player in my Mom's '83 corolla wagon, I bought a pair of Coby computer seakers and "mounted" (read: velcroed)them on the carpet under the dash in front of the gear shift, and then velcroed my CD player to the wall below. Sir, I salute you for taking a high school kid's dream to the max.
thats awesome, in my day the only people who had home speakers in their car, couldnt afford reaaly nice equipment, the the speakers were usually hooked up to a stock radio or some 29.99 deal from radio shack. This guy spent money on a 5.1 surround sound speaker set for his CAR!!! thats like 5.1 types of riduclous!! of course I would throw him props if he had gone 7.1.
@Mike the Dog: My mistake, I completely forgot about THAT generation. The Munstang II of Cougars. There was a guy at the last place I worked that had one of those. He was 40+, single, super neat freak, and a HUGE Disney fan. The car fit him.
I hope you're actually reading the thread and not just looking at photos. Some highlights:
"I'm gonna put a custom built spin up storage area for airsoft ammo and guns and equipment"
"Who doesn't want a home theater in their car?"
"They stand out so much it looks like they're not even stock!"
The prosecution rests.
That is as FUCKED UP as a SOUP SANDWICH
I can't believe he called his critics "Madison Democrats" because my first thought upon seeing the speakers in the back seat was "this guy must be from Wisconsin." When I was a teen in the Chicago suburbs I frequently saw Wisconsin cars with home speakers in the back seat. My friends and I thought of it as a Wisconsin thing.
In Indiana it was different. I knew a guy that had a car stereo in his bedroom hooked up to a car battery. Seriously, a car battery just sitting on the floor with a (probably stolen) Jensen tape deck hooked up to some 6X9s.
stunt puppy- I think the question was aimed at finding out if this genius was a Sultan from some oil-rich country. I mean c'mon, who else can afford or even dare to dream of such a fantastic mod?
I have that Logitech 5.1 "surround" system for my computer, which I bought on sale at Best Buy for less than $50. They sound like complete ass... But he did learn sound engineering by working on a sound system at his church, so he must know sound.
Oh, I almost forgot... To be fair, in my first car, a 1983 Chrysler New Yorker, the stereo didn't work. So, I had a ghetto Discman and some battery powered speakers. It did the trick. At least the robot voice that told me "All monitored systems are functioning" worked.
This guy needs to stick to modifying his computer case.
Why not use Home speakers in a car
from a car computing forum
[www.mp3car.com]
@LUV_TRUK: YAH HE CALLED THOSE NOOBS MADISON DEMOCRATS HE PWNDED THEM HE RULZ
Looks like the result of a Smash 'n grab at a computer store, two DIFFERENT sets of Logitech computer speakers and computer accent lights stuck on the car. He did manage to keep one of the wired controls for the system though.. and the Nuclear symbol on the CD player is a nice touch Bet someone got a good deal on the Arm rest he took off for his... what is that.. Mixer control?
With all that haggard wiring throughout, I can smell the Car-B-Que a frying already!
Bitchin' DiscMan too! A $60 headunit was out of his budget. I guess Discmans provide superior sound quality as they skip every Fitty Cent CD you throw at them.
....you can find me in tha club.....dan nan....dun dun....dun dun....
As fucked up as this car is I am even more in shock that there exists a forum about the newest gen Cougars. Dear lord that's horrifying.
He did this to display his anger because Brett Favre retired.
@ganzhimself: Oh cmon. Those satellite speakers are more like mids, they have trouble getting down to anything below like 50Hz. And if you look at that graphic EQ pic, it looks like he rolled off anything under 1kHz, which would produce one tinny, honky-ass sound unless compensated for somewhere else. Like in his brass balls for even taking pictures of this stuff, let alone posting them to a forum
The New Edge Cougars are the red headed stepchild in the Cougar family. We older Cougar owners put him in a corner with some crayons and hope nobody sees him since all of his owners are either women or men with no taste. Just buying one is clear they have no taste, so how can modifications to one done by its owner be any better?
@facingtraffic: There are supposed to be quotes around that first sentence, you bumbling idiot.
Hey, I'm going to Comic-Con in a few months, I'll just find this guy in the Gamers room and ask if I can take some pictures of his hot Cougar.....Has he ever taken it off of some sweet jumps????
@racerx: Believe it or not, it gets worse. There are Ford Tempo/Mercury Topaz forums out there.
I have seen them.
I know two people whose car audio system consisted of a boombox in the back seat at some point in their driving career.
My girlfriend had a Skylark in college. She ran over some horrendous pothole and the entire dash basically disintegrated. The factory stereo spent the rest of its pathetic life in the trunk, replaced by an one speaker Sony radio. The Buick is long gone, but we still have the radio.
I worked a summer job in New Mexico with a guy who drove a CJ7. Earlier that summer, before I met him, he had rolled the jeep and destroyed everything in the dash. So in addition to not having a radio, he also lacked a speedometer and fuel gauge, but he did have a functioning voltmeter and oil pressure and temperature gauge. A 5 gallon gas can lived in the back with the boombox. I am not entirely sure why he bothered with the boombox, because the Jeep with its 32" tires, barn-like aerodynamics, and flappy plastics doors and roof was too loud to listen to anything, not to mention the 302 (I think) V8 with sidepipes.
@clinto: I have as well. Some nut on there put, not one, but two SHO engines in one for the most baddass twin mill AWD Tempo ever (and probably one of the few I would actually want to drive)
Aww cc'mon, he just has the wrong car. They would look great in this.
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