Jalopnik
With auto show season officially, mercilessly and thankfully over, the Jalopnik Fantasy Garage stands to be full in just six weeks. A short time by any standard, but especially so when distilling over a hundred years of automotive excellence into just 50 vehicles. Two weeks ago saw the induction of the Cadillac Eldorado Brougham, a car so finely crafted only a communist would disapprove. In this week's edition, we switch gears entirely. Compact, lightweight automobile construction, responsive suspension, spicy engine and a slick manual transmission. It's a simple formula which, if done properly, not only results in a car with character, but one which transcends the bottom-of-the-barrel genre and becomes something of legend, something which can ascend to the level of fantasy. This week, we examine the hot hatch.
Here's the deal, it's going to be a knock down, drag out fight with no elimination rounds, no brackets, no BS — a winner takes all match up between four of the most remarkable hot hatches ever to be tossed around a corner with glee. And in this fight, we'll let age go before beauty.
1963 Mini Cooper S
Arguably the very first hot hatch, despite its lack of said hatch, the Mini itself was a revolutionary leap forward in car design for post-war Britain. When notable F1 race car designer John Cooper approached the legendary designer of the Mini about a higher performance edition, Alec Issigonis thought the idea unacceptable, this was a working mans car after all, not a race car. Undaunted, Cooper went above his head and received the blessing of BMC directly for the project. 1961 saw the first high performance Mini Cooper but it grew into its skin in 1963 when a 1071cc short-stroke, four-cylinder replaced the long-stroke 997cc engine. The '63 Mini Cooper S was a fantastic performer with up to 70 HP from the tiny engine. To say the handling of the Mini Cooper S is the stuff of legend is something of an understatement - how many other compact cars can claim David-versus-Goliath-like wins at Monte Carlo over cars many times its size and power?
1976 Volkswagen Golf GTI
The Mk1 Golf GTI is spoken about in hushed tones and with quiet reverence among fans of the econobox-turned-road-racer. The GTi was a breath of fresh air in a stagnant, malaise-mandated European market. The Golf was a handsome design to begin with, penned in the workshops of Guigiaro, and sporting a 1.5L four cylinder, the GTI got interesting upgrades that took it from everyman transporter to corner carving joy buzzer. Chief among the upgrades was one of the first entry market applications of fuel injection, wider track and tires, uprated anti-roll bars and stiffer springs, along with that famous red-rimmed grille. The Golf was rebadged as the Rabbit and produced in Pennsylvania for the 1978 model year, making it the first domestically produced European car in history. A GTI version followed for the US market in 1983. Though there aren't any Monte Carlo wins under its belt, few cars did as much to beat back the 'car as appliance' mindset which pervaded the '80s era auto industry, and the hot hatch survives today in large part due to it's existence.
1986 Dodge Omni GLH-S
Though Carroll Shelby is better known for his involvement in cars like the Cobra 427, Daytona, and Mustang, it's nut job projects like the GLHS that should really be putting him into the Automotive Hall of Fame. The 1985 Dodge Omni GLH was a bonkers car to begin with, starting with the turbo-four out of the Shelby Charger, but Carroll took the last 500 of the Omni GLH and added some more. Goes Like Hell - Somemore, a name only a speed crazed Texan could come up with, was apt. The already potent, for '85, Chrysler turbo 2.2L four was upgraded with an intercooler, prototype fuel rail and remapped fuel delivery curve and delivered 175 HP and 174 lb/ft of torque. The suspension gained Koni adjustable shocks up front and coilovers in the rear, and some sticky tires on custom wheels. Our favorite modification is a sticker on the speedometer hailing the possibility of 135 mph - it just has such a smirk inducing quality to it. All that added together to produce a real street burner. The GLH-S would do 0-60 in 6.5 ticks and run up to 130 mph. It takes a certain kind of mad man to make a Simca designed econobox run with a Corvette.
2003 Renault Clio V6
Not many cars can make the claim to fame of being one of the ten Jeremy Clarkson would place in his personal fantasy garage. The Renault Clio V6 Renault Sport is an example of what happens when madness reaches its inevitable end. Yes, the DS is a beautiful automotive achievement and the CS has a nearly magical suspension, but this Renault may be the most impressive example ever of the French passion for the automobile. For those who have never seen a Clio in person, it is not a large or imposing car, not by any stretch of the imagination. Somewhere the bean counters fell asleep and the batshit crazy idea of dropping a V6 into the back seat of an econo-car slipped by, and the world is a better place for it. The 255 HP naturally aspirated V6 from a Renault Laguna motivates the Clio from just behind the drivers seat and spills its beautiful music into the open air. 0-60 comes in a quick 5.6 seconds and the car tops out at 153 MPH. Bonkers. Sure it loses pretty much all of its utility as a hatchback, the turning circle is atrocious, it's expensive, and it gulps fuel, but the insanity excuses all of that.
So there you have it, four cars from four decades, each with its own character and achievements. However, there can be only one. We know there will be rants over cars not included in this poll as the hot hatch has been a stalwart of automotive affection for a long time, but these are the four today. So what will it be? The British bulldog, the sharp steering German, a bold and brash American, or proof of France's sporting chops? Have at it folks.
Image sources here, here, here, and here.
The Jalopnik Fantasy Garage:
1978 Aston Martin V8 Vantage | Honda 1300 Coupe 9 | 1931 Daimler Double Six 50 Corsica Drophead Coupe | Ferrari 288 GTO | Chevrolet Corvette ZR-1 | 1970 Buick GSX 455 | First Generation BMW M Coupe | Bugatti Veyron 16.4 | Ford GT | Citroen SM | Porsche 928 | Jensen FF | DeTomaso Vallelunga | Audi Quattro S1 | Buick GNX | Nissan Skyline R34 GT-R | Honorary Fantasy Garager: The LS1 Powered Rotus | Lamborghini LM002 | Shelby Cobra Daytona Coupe | Ferrari 250 GTO | Bentley Speed Six | Talbot-Lago T150C SS Figoni et Falaschi Raindrop/Teardrop Coupe | Porsche 917 | Audi RS4 Avant | Lamborghini Miura | Mercedes-Benz 450SEL 6.9 | BMW E39 M5 | Jaguar E-type | Mercedes-Benz 300 SL | Dodge Charger/Challenger R/T | Toyota 2000GT | Facel Vega HK500 | Voisin C28 Aerosport | Bugatti Type 41 Royale | McLaren F1 | Maserati Bora | Continental MK II | Tucker 48 | Aston Martin DB4 GT Zagato | BMW 507 | Porsche 959 | 1925 Rolls-Royce Phantom 1 Jonckheere Coupe | Land Rover Defender | Lotus Eleven | Cadillac Eldorado Brougham
Comments
Granted, the Mini was first, the GTI really defined the breed, the Dodge has merit as well; but the Renault gets my vote. It's hot, it's Africa hot.
Sure, I have that "Kleine GTI! Du siehst prima aus!" ad jingle in my head, but the Omni GLH-S is the GTI after it's all grown up.
ALways wanted to drive one of those Clios... but the Cooper gets the nod here.
I like the GTI a lot, but the Mini has that fun go-kart feeling to it.
Mini for me.
Not a great selection guys. Should have asked a European. As you say yourself, the original Mini wasn't even a hatch (the original 500 Abarth fits the bill better, even though that wasn't a hatch either). The Dodge is an inferior version of the Talbot Sunbeam Lotus, and the Clio is a mutant, and if you're going to include those, why not go for broke and choose a group B car like the Delta S3 or 205T16? Only the Golf deserves to be on this list, and should probably have been joined by the Peugeot 205GTi, Escort Cosworth and Renault Clio Williams.
goin for the Coop, simply because it's a timeless look and essentially is the "hatch to hatch all hatches," whether they be hot OR cold.
@Hookey: The 205 would be a good add-in.
The Delta S3 is a god in its own class. It would not be fair to add it in.
Three of these cars go like hell, but one Goes Like Hell...Some more. I voted for that one.
But, no inclusion of the Shogun?
Some people may have noticed that with great vested interest and personal bias I nominate my own car.
I'd like to do it again. I nominate the Hyundai Elantra GT for being the first hot hatch from Korea, the only hot hatch to be insured as a station wagon, and the car that marked the start of Hyundai becoming a respectable manufacturer.
Omni, simply for the fact that it's an Omni. No one expects it.
It's like a Turbobrick ... most people still don't expect an old boxy Volvo to haul ass, but they can. All the scarier that most have over 200k miles and at least some major component held together with JB Weld and/or zip ties.
Went GTI. The mini totally rocks, and should be on the JFG list just on principle, but as Isetta mentioned, the GTI defined the class. It's still one of the most purely enjoyable rides ever.
Golf GTI is the only one of those.
BTW, was there seriously a turbocharged BMC product in the early sixties? I'm not sure that's right.
To those wanting Group B hotness, let's not forget: [jalopnik.com]
I will pick the mini. However in the spirit of the Fanasy Garage the option of "None of these tarted up econoboxes" seems appropriate.
Sure the Clio is 110% bat-guano, but what fun is a hot-hatch if you can't scare more than one friend at a time in it.
Props to the GTI for reminding everyone that opera windows, crushed velvet, and vinyl roof apliques were NOT the future.
The GLH-S was cool enough, but not really too accessible to most people...
I also like to think that if a 5th car were to be tossed into the scrum it would have been the Mazda 323 GTX....
GTI gets my vote!
Poll is worthless sans Renault 5 Turbo.
You can't have a hot hatch showdown without the Peugeot 205 GTi or the Lancia Delta Integrale. You just can't.
I can excuse the Mini and the VeeDub for their significance and the Renault for being so batshit crazy, but the Dodge is nowhere near the stuff of fantasy.
The front of the Renault looks like a Nissan Maxima. And the ass end looks like those fat-bottomed girls riding bicycles.
I'm a Mopar fan, but the GLHs never did it for me. 4 doors. Could never _quite_ shake the whole econobox aura.
The GTi is one of a handful of cars that looks good in white. And its German.
And the Mini- well, I rode in a old Cooper, and it was enough fun to make me wet myself. Then I drove one. Oh my God.
Its between the GTi and the Mini, but I gotta go Mini.
The Omni is a crapbox and does not deserve JFG.
Renault is out b/c I'm a Dumb American.
Cooper seems inevitable b/c it (in my Dumb American mind) started the whole thing.
GTi makes a good case for mass-market understanding of small and sporty outside of a euro-roadster form factor. Also notable for sticking around continuously since inception.
GLH-S is sort of like the scrappy younger brother to the GNX. I have a definite soft spot for extra special editions of plebeian cars. Unfortunately ChryCo lost the formula along the way (not sure if that should affect my decision).
I need convincing arguments. Arguments laden with obtuse metaphor and heavy-handed sexual innuendo. Campaign for my vote!
This list is worthless without the 1988 Yugo GVX.
LOL.
SPORT!
GTI does it for me!
GTI. That car is living proof that even a fuel crisis WILL NOT kill hooning.
GLH-S has the best name: Goes Like Hell Some-more. It's so wrong yet so right.
GLH-S
GTI! GTI! GTI! GTI! GTI!
@Maymar: I was just thinking of that...I think the SHOGun did it best...I remember Autoweek tossing around the idea of putting the Festiva engines in the left-over SHO bodies and making NOGuns...hahah...
@Dr.Danger:
Here Here!!
A Bigger POS never existed.
I love the Mini, and if I could vote two in, it'd be there. But I can't deny the GTI. It is the hot hatch.
A couple notable omissions though:
The Ford/Yamaha SHOgun - In Jay Leno's garage, hilarious and also batshit nuts.
The R32 - All wheel drive and the solid VR6 make this one in my own fantasy garage.
Even with those, though, with only one spot, you can't deny the A1 GTI.
Agreed, none of these fit in my fantasy garage. Where's the Metro 6R4 or Renault R5 rally cars? Those- or the Ford RS200?
what a silly contest! is this all there was to choose from? i voted cooper because it is such a seminal machine. by the way, a dodge omni, no matter what is stuffed into the engine bay, is still a DODGE OMNI! is that really the best hatch you could track down in the u.s.?
sigh...
When I think hot hatch, I first think SVT Focus, but only because I own one. I then think of GTI. So, yeah, that. The Renault is out because it completely ruins what makes hot hatches what they are: they're fun, but also practical.
the GTI is the definitive hot hatch for me ... but I still voted for the Mini. I'm not sure that I even agree that it qualifies as a hot hatch, but I don't care. I just want the Cooper S in the Garage
I gotta go with the GLH-S. I've owned two standard GLH's, one with a GLH-S Charger engine swap, and they are just too much fun.
I can tell you that I was able to completely wrap around the speedo on mine and hit 0, which was 135 indicated on my GLH-S speedo. That was a scary run in retrospect.
My write-in vote: Renault R5 Turbo.
But sans that, the Clio.
MINI!!! Why? Why, for endos of course!
+ Watch video
Mini, well, not a hatchback, though intresting and good rally pedigree!
I can't vote for a GTi with a clean conscience, in my eyes it'll always be in the same Deutsche MulletMobile category as the Manta or Kadett GSi.
Clio, no, it's a copy of the original R5T2.
Out of these the Omni speaks to me - they picked the biggest turd out of the lineup and dropped their hottest powertrain in THAT?!? Though I'm not sure if it belongs to the JFG. I would think that a R5 Turbo II or a whale-tail Ford Escort Cosworth would be a better fit.
To me, the point is to go fast while hauling more crap around than a 1/4 ton pickup.. The Mini doesn't have a hatch? How's it even qualify? The goofy-looking French thing's cargo-space is taken up with it's own engine- which in blatant violation of the rules put forth by the other 3, is a V6- FAIL. The GTI is a Volkswagen. And has anybody ever hauled 20 junk tires (w/rims) to the dump in the back of a Rabbit? I didn't think so. So the obvious winner is the Omni.
CLIO!!!
This is quite possibly the single-most difficult poll I've seen at Jalopnik. Each of these cars can lay claim to being the best in its breed. Well, maybe not the Clio. That should have been the R5 Turbo.
When faced with this dilemma, I'll fall back to my old habit of siding with the home team. I once owned a 2.2 Chrysler, albeit normally-aspirated, therefore I'll show the GLH-S a little love. Though I preferred the even rarer L-bodied Charger version that Shelby put together at the end of its production run. I thought it was called the Shelby Charger GLH-S, but I could be mistaken. (Not to be confused with the Dodge Shelby Charger, BTW)
the omni is like sticking einstein's brain into bush's head and giving him the nobel prize. sure, einsten's brain solves all the problems but you still have the lingering ignominy of george bush's name on the nobel peace prize.
some things cannot be washed away.
Mini.
Oddly, my picks would be in the order presented. Mini, GTi, GLH-S, and then that Renault.
But the Renault would get beat out by the SHOgun for my list of V6 insanity in a econo-box. Granted, Ford didn't make it, or even give their blessing, but it was a "production" car.
And like others said... are you SURE the Mini was turbochargerd? I don't think that's right.
@SundaySunday: Shelby made 500 Omni GLH-S cars in 1986, and 1000 Charger GLH-S cars in 1987, so the Omni is rarer.
I'm actually looking to buy a Mini right now so of course I had to vote for it. Finding a Cooper S is not very easy.
Why should the Mini go into the JFG? Three words: The Italian Job (the original one with Michael Caine, not the Marky Mark remake)