Jalopnik
The Dodge Caliber SRT4 has six forward gears, but I never once felt the need to use all of them. Was there more mileage to be gained? Sure. But it was a lot more fun to shift down to second and feel the car pull forward. I was driving like a 17-year-old, which is the only way to drive if you're going to enjoy this car. Try driving it like an adult and you're going to hate it.
For example, I've heard that adults love to parallel park. I'm barely an adult—I'm just turning 25. But when I got behind the wheel of the Caliber, I figured I should experience the car through adult eyes. And that meant I had to try to parallel park the SRT4.
If parallel parking is an aspect of your grown-up life, I'm here to tell you that you're not going to want the SRT4. The greenhouse slopes downward at the back, leaving a small rear window. The tiny window between the C and D pillars is completely useless. Bad-weather parallel parking is especially dicey. There's so much power flowing to the front wheels that it's hard not to spin them when trying to drive off of a small block of ice to realign the sporty hatch.
Once I got the SRT4 parked, I did a walk-around to assess the vehicle's visual impact—once again, through adult eyes. You know what hurts adult eyes? Non-functional scoops and vents. The stock Caliber hood gets three big holes and only one of them, the center hood scoop, actually does anything. The wannabe adult in me also didn't particularly care for the illuminated cup holders. They look pretty but are too large to fit my coffee.
Taking the car to Target made me feel better. Adults love Target. The SRT4 carries over a reasonable amount of storage from the base Caliber, including the Chill Zone storage above the glove compartment. This feature can keep water bottles cool—perfect for 14-degree Chicago weather. The interior contains the cheapest cut plastics I've seen in a long time, but at least it has a built-in iPod dock for when the kids want to play their spiffy tunes.
Wait, what the hell? I don't have kids. What am I thinking? It wasn't until I pulled into my local mall's parking lot for coffee that it hit me: I was taking the wrong approach to the SRT4. I have Nate to thank for setting me straight. Nate's responsible for making sure people don't park their cars at the mall and walk somewhere else. It's the kind of adolescent job that requires an adolescent mindset. He heard the turbo whirring from down the street and was there to greet me with his camera phone when I shut the door. He was pumped.
Nate loves to talk about cars and, specifically, about his early '90s CRX. At least I suspect it's an early 90's CRX, but neither the paint nor the body panels match. Though slightly older than 17, Nate possesses the spirit of a driver unrestrained by the concepts of ergonomics, mileage or contemporary trends in automotive design.
Talking it over with him, something in me changed. Remember I'm not yet 25, I'm 24. I could suddenly see the SRT4's appeal. The designers manage to take the not-quite-SUV looks of the Caliber and transform them into not-quite-sports-hatch. If you're into the import scene, the four-banger with that little turbo manages to produce an exhaust note both loud and, dare I say, somewhat more refined than the coffee can hanging off of Nate's Honda.
When I started driving the SRT4 like a teenager, it was a much better experience. Take off at every stoplight? Why not. Like the original SRT4, this version lacks the reassuring handling dynamics of its European competitors. But it doesn't make any promises in that area. It goes fast in a straight line, which is exactly what it's supposed to do.
There was only one problem. When you drive like a kid, you're only looking to avoid cops. When you drive like an adult, you look out for things like potholes. One of my driving companions during the week I had the SRT4 claims he saw the pothole that destroyed the front right tire, but I'm convinced it materialized only microseconds before we merged onto the freeway.
By the time we pulled into the gas station, you could hear the air escaping the tire at maximum velocity. My adult self really started to kick in and was understandably disappointed when I discovered that the car didn't have a spare tire. Adult self did like Chrysler Roadside Assistance, which sent over a flatbed truck promptly.
Youth, apparently, does have its drawbacks.
Comments
For all intents and purposes your adult self should never be consulted regarding vehicle purchases or breakfast cereal.
That is all.
Spectactularly done, young Matthew.
Would the universe collapse onto itself if your adult self met your kid self?
Uh huh. But why photoshop out the headlights on the ad for this post?
Also: You're 24 and work at Jalopnik. I'm 28 and work here.
Conclusion: I hate you.
Don't feel bad too bad about that pothole. They're ridiculously bad this winter. That's the Shell station at Lincoln and Racine!
@jeremyc: I helped myself to some Gino's while I waited. I'm only human.
@mytdawg: I'll go with COTD, right there.
Well put, Matt. I'm always pissed when cars (or other things, for that matter) aren't reviewed in the context of their purpose.
The purpose of this car is clearly to cause the confiscation of driver's licenses of 17-22 year old males. ...But only after a smoking a couple of Civics or 5.0s light-to-light.
@mytdawg: christ that was an amazing comment!!!
@Bumblebee: ad for this post?
Is 2008 Dodge Caliber SRT-4 Part Two going to involve a trip to the dealer because you wheel hopped so bad you broke a motor mount? Drive it like a 17 year old and it'll happen!
@Matt Hardigree: The big picture that runs on the top-right of the main page for the site.
What it really is is the gray/black background behind the text obscuring the headlights.
This is a yobbo's car, pure and simple - no offense to Mr. Hardigree's 17-year-old self, of course. I just hope he didn't drive it with his hat turned backwards.
I actually had a guy attempt to race me on the highway in one of these about a month ago. I was driving to the Detroit auto show in the ETC and I passed him, only to watch the SRT-4's teenage wanker owner blow by me on the right with his middle finger raised five seconds later. I caught up and passed him easily; he seemed disappointed when he realized that the Caliber's blocky shape makes accelerating beyond 120 mph nearly impossible.
@Bumblebee: no photoshop, just gre(a)y backing to the writing.. hahah does make is look weird!!
Between this and the Nitro, I think they are pumping redneck hormones into the drinking water at Dodge.
This thing is like pure pointless machismo.
Even though I'm not English, there is only one word that comes to mind when I see this car, and that word is "wanker".
A buddy just ordered one of these. Ill be sure to beat the shit out of it and report back.
It's definitely the best-looking Caliber (which isn't saying much). Just the subtle difference to the hood cutline alone makes the SRT-4 much more visually appealing than its lesser brethren.
Too bad it has an interior with some of the worst plastics i've ever seen, and no option for heated seats.
Anyone buying one of these over a Mazdaspeed 3 is, well, i don't know what the word for it is. Stupid?
@gotsmart: Speed3 is more costly and a tad slower, depends how highly you regard that Japanese aura
Ford needs to bring back the Focus wagon, and fill the snout with something fierce. I don't want to see them falling behind in the gawky testosterone wagon segment Dodge and Chevy (the HHR SS) have created for themselves.
For the record, I don't read healh labels, I don't watch my diet, and I'm not especially interested in refinement.
@Mad_Science: GOtcha@danio3834: They feel nearly as fast and, I can tell you, the inside of a base 3 is a nicer place to be.
@gotsmart: Heated seats? That's some funny shit right there. I bought an '03 SRT-4 and didn't even get power rear windows.
if parallel parking is part of your life?
you mean, if i don't live in sprawlburbia?
@Steel_ETC: I've experienced the same thing. Well, except it was a Magnum SRT8. With toddlers standing in the hatch, pointing at me as it went past. Then looking angry as I passed them.
My inner 17-year-old is alive and well.
Matt's inner 17-year-old, on the other hand, barely even has a layer of dust on it.
@Mad_Science: @ϷЄαѣѲʆʯ Ȝ6Ȣ4: Youse guys flatter me. Not that I'm complaining.
I like it. I liked the SRT-4 Neon. I like the Cobalt SS. Put a stonkin' motor in a mediocre car and sell it cheap enough so people like me can use them to dust much more refined vehicles that have much nicer interiors.
You can sit back there at the light and enjoy your high tech Ipod whilst having your butt swaddled. I've got nowhere special to go but I'd like to get there quickly.
@danio3834: Also the Speed3 is a much, much, much, much, much nicer car.
@Steel_ETC: Anything can be a dorkmobile with a dork behind the wheel. I live close to MSU so it's often a mid or even high end exotic 'round here. Nothing worse than having some kid younger than your kid pull up in a new Evo. Dang, did that come with your pull-ups?
@mytdawg: Shit, was that me? Sorry, I'll try to keep the Evo under wraps next time.
The new SRT4 just doesn't cut it. It comes close, damned close, to the raw awesomeness that was the previous car. But, in the effort to make it more civilized, they cut corners and compromised too much, imo.
The Caliber SRT4 should never have been built. Just because it was the only platform the SRT guys had to work with is not a good enough excuse. It made about as much sense as the SRT10 Ram, but with price targets to meet, too many compromises were made. The brake-LSD-wannabe is a perfect example.
I'm forced to admit that the MS3 is the better car out of the two. And once optioned up, let alone add on the ridiculous markups some dealers are charging, the Caliber sails past the MS3 in price.
This car tempts me with a strong engine, and what seems to be ample space for a single adult. Nice. I can live with hard plastics if they clean up well.
I can't understand it, but my wife, who is double some of y'all's ages, likes it.
Personally, I think it's one of the homelier vehicles MOPAR has made, and that's saying something.
I need to be on the lookout for a '67 300 convertible...that'd counteract a Caliber in the fleet.
If you drive any car like a 17 year old you'll end up just as I did when I was 17 -
in my 2-week old Acura Integra...T-boned by a Dodge Ram.
@Ray Wert:At least have the decency to look like you may have to occasionally shave.
@MazdaEric: Is that why you're MazdaEric and not AcuraEric?
@Ray Wert: Makes 'em hard to see out. I went home and checked the price on that thing after I saw the little panty weasel in it over by Frandor. $35K for a Lancer? Sure it's nice but damn.
I'm not going to run right out and buy an SRT anything either. I guess I like the idea that it exists more than I actually like the vehicle itself. For people that need a fast-ass mini van. But my grown up side likes the practicality...
I still haven't forgiven Dodge for that Satan spawn Shelby Charger from nineteen aught screech.
Great writeup Matt...! I especially enjoy the way you incorporate young Nate as a sort of accidental muse... clever and entertaining...!
@mytdawg: I see one of the "Shelby Chargers on occasion around Royal Oak. They provoke a similar response in me.
We just had that exact ride at our office two weeks ago.
There's a special level of hell for the Chrysler interior designer who put a goddamn CORNER right at the point of the instrument panel that intersects with my right knee. X-(
@charles_barrett: Thanks, he's got some interesting theories I left out.
@Matt Hardigree: Please tell me they involve a strange form of magnetism.
@Steel_ETC: I love that. Isn't it nice having a car that can go [redacted] mph?
Was Nate in Royal Oak and riding the specialized P2 I sold him?
I miss Detroit.
The original SRT-4 didn't even have rear power windows! The first SRT-4 was based off the Neon..which was a more capable platform. However, I think the Caliber appeals to people who are a little older.
I bought a fully loaded PT Cruiser GT with the SRT-4 motor and a stick..off lease for cheap (14k) I upgraded the computer, the plugs,the wires, and the supsension. It hauls ass...even though it is a hatchback/wagon. The interior is nicer, it has leather, and seat heaters.
The Caliber is a lot like the PT Cruiser GT with suspension upgrades. It is aimed at a slightly older crowd.
It reminds me of the old turbo K cars back in eighties.
My buddy who just bought this car, he was going to get the AWD R/T, but found that the SRT4 minus navi, was actually a couple thousand cheaper than the R/T
Not bad bang for the buck.
@PeteJayhawk: I havent driven the Speed3 yet, but I have tried the 3sport. I would agree the interior is more pleasing to look at in the 3 for sure, i dont care for the basic shapes in the Caliber. I wouldnt say its that much better to justify the price difference though.
Depends how much you value a soft touch dashboard.
@Steel_ETC: You sir are my hero, long live the El Dorado ETC, and the Northstar V8.
Whopping up on rice boys and 5.0 Mustangs since 93(ish)!
@acarr260: I've had that dream, it's deepy unsettling. Better to stay awake and drive.
@TexanIdiot25: Er, has anybody really ever street raced a 5.0 Mustang with a turbo anything? Hate to say it, but even a 5.0 stocker would wipe the floor with this thing until 50 mph or so...
...and yes, I do have one for a track toy, but I also have a Cobalt SS, so I know a lil bit about high strung 4 bangers.
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