The Official Unofficial Knight Rider Live-Blog

Tonight's the first episode — err — part of the Knight Rider movie/mini-series/season, and we'll be live-blogging it live on NBC starting in a few minutes from the comfort of the Jalopnik world headquarters. So keep track of the Knight Rider tag to keep track of all of the Mustang-filled action all evening and keep track of the full live-blog between Hardigree and I after the jump:

9:08:09 PM Hardigree: "Looks like homeboy is having cardiac arrest"
9:08:14 PM Wert: ha!
9:08:57 PM Hardigree: uhhh... chicks in surfboards
9:09:11 PM Hardigree: this is more the sequel to TKR than KR
9:09:19 PM Wert: TKR?
9:09:40 PM Wert: lesbians?
9:09:41 PM Hardigree: team knight rider
9:09:44 PM Wert: Ha!
9:09:44 PM Hardigree: LESBIANS!
9:09:50 PM Hardigree: surf lesbians

KITT Is The New Mustang Hotness

9:09:52 PM Wert: HA!
9:09:57 PM Hardigree: crime fighting surf lesbians
9:10:09 PM Wert: Excellent, this IM will be the live-blog
9:10:18 PM Hardigree: it only took 9 minutes for them to jump the shark
9:10:42 PM Hardigree: "Holy shit, a black man in a library at stanford. He must be dangerous!"
9:11:25 PM Wert: Nice...umm...roadster?
9:11:41 PM Hardigree: they're getting investments to rebuild a Cobra?
9:11:50 PM Hardigree: is this unique performance all over again?
9:12:44 PM Wert: The good ol' Gunther building trick
9:13:18 PM Wert: Brought to you by the star of the show...the Ford Mustang!
9:15:58 PM Wert: How exciting is this?
9:16:22 PM Hardigree: Win a GT500
9:16:28 PM Hardigree: Can't drive a stick? Neither can they.
9:17:22 PM Hardigree: First continuity error, it looks like the window was down and then up
9:17:36 PM Hardigree: This is for fans of the wire
9:17:38 PM Hardigree: BNBG
9:17:49 PM Wert: BNBG?
9:17:57 PM Hardigree: gotta be a wire fan to get it
9:18:12 PM Wert: Apparently as you just lost me at hello
9:18:20 PM Wert: Val Kilmer sounds fat
9:18:24 PM Hardigree: yeah
9:18:38 PM Hardigree: Is KITT programed in tune with Isaac Asimov's three robot laws?
9:18:44 PM Hardigree: because he should have just run over them
9:18:48 PM Wert: Who wins in a race — a Ford Mustang GT or a Ford Edge?
9:18:58 PM Wert: I mean, who doesn't like to live on the Edge-uh?
9:19:00 PM Hardigree: i don't know, the edge might have SYNC
9:19:06 PM Wert: Oooh, so it might talk too
9:20:42 PM Wert: So so far we have lesbians, an Edge trailing a Mustang GT and Mike Knight getting a gatt drawn on his friend. Oh and Val Kilmer sounds fat.
9:20:46 PM Wert: Am I missing anything?
9:20:57 PM Hardigree: they're about to hit a focus
9:20:59 PM Wert: And yes, a Ford Foucs!
9:21:05 PM Hardigree: this is like VIPER
9:21:07 PM Wert: ha!
9:21:09 PM Hardigree: every car is a ford
9:21:16 PM Hardigree: land rover
9:21:21 PM Wert: Rover!
9:21:39 PM Wert: Passenger Impact Safety Test?
9:21:41 PM Hardigree: "This Isn't Fun At All"
9:21:42 PM Wert: Complete
9:21:47 PM Wert: I'd agree with that statement
9:21:50 PM Hardigree: there is the show's motto
9:21:55 PM Hardigree: the same land rover
9:22:10 PM Hardigree: Mazda5?
9:22:18 PM Hardigree: fusion
9:22:27 PM Wert: Is there any other automaker?
9:22:30 PM Hardigree: He does follow Asimov's three laws
9:22:31 PM Wert: No
9:22:31 PM Hardigree: Volvo
9:22:32 PM Wert: Fusion!
9:22:40 PM Wert: Volvo!
9:23:10 PM Wert: How many minutes between Ford commercials we think?
9:23:52 PM Hardigree33: you're sort of implying that this isn't just one long ford commercial with the occasional Loreal commercial
9:24:37 PM Hardigree33: Who is crazier? Michael Knight or Ann Curry?
9:25:29 PM Wert: Wait — a VW commercial?
9:25:38 PM Wert: I want to know if that's against the rules?
9:25:40 PM Hardigree33: VEEDUB!
9:25:48 PM Hardigree33: destroying a focus, btw
9:26:27 PM Wert: Wait, a mitsubishi commercial?
9:26:36 PM Wert: Are they whoring themselves out?
9:26:42 PM Wert: Wait — this is NBC, right?
9:27:13 PM Wert: KITT, I could kill you!
9:27:15 PM Wert: Me too
9:27:40 PM Wert: Oh look, it turned into...
9:27:43 PM Wert: ANOTHER Mustang!
9:28:25 PM Hardigree33: They'll never suspect it
9:28:35 PM Wert: KITT, you are MY father.
9:30:10 PM Wert: Maybe they could use Sync to track KITT!
9:30:32 PM Hardigree33: "I hate heterosexual men"
9:30:56 PM Wert: Who doesn't?
9:31:28 PM Wert: Profiler software is a new Sync upgrade
9:31:47 PM Wert: ANOTHER MustanG!
9:31:58 PM Wert: KITT is a master of disguise!
9:32:15 PM Hardigree33: Who is the target audience for this show?
9:32:32 PM Wert: Good question
9:32:38 PM Wert: Sweet, ANOTHER Ford commercial
9:34:09 PM Hardigree33: Anyone not enjoying this can go watch Turkish Knight Rider
9:34:10 PM Hardigree33: http://jalopnik.com/tag/gitt/
9:34:25 PM Wert: And seriously, how hot is that?
9:35:44 PM Hardigree33: I think everyone watching this show is The Biggest Loser
9:35:58 PM Hardigree33: wait, I take it back, Dennis Miller is the biggest loser
9:36:50 PM Hardigree33: "Play Artist Jewel"
9:37:06 PM Wert: "Play Artist Mustang Sally"
9:37:12 PM Wert: "Play Artist Toby Keith"
9:37:33 PM Wert: That would have been "Play Song Mustang Sally", btw
9:37:40 PM Wert: Except you can't do that with Sync
9:37:51 PM Wert: No "Play Song" feature
9:38:03 PM Wert: Yes, this show does...SUCK
9:38:11 PM Hardigree33: "Don't call my escorts whores, Michael"
9:38:48 PM Wert: "Dial Mike Tracer"
9:39:14 PM Hardigree33: I don't know, there's a rerun of Girlfriends on the CW
9:39:33 PM Wert: Check out those cobras
9:39:39 PM Wert: Hot detail shots
9:40:01 PM Wert: And the communicator uses Sync with bluetooth
9:40:09 PM Hardigree33: and the cops drive a Ford Escape Hybrid?
9:40:22 PM Wert: Don't all cops drive a Ford Escape Hybrid
9:40:25 PM Wert: ?
9:40:38 PM Hardigree33: What, they couldn't get Chris Cooper?
9:41:03 PM Wert: Is KITT in Vegas for SEMA?
9:41:16 PM Wert: Does he want some sweet carbon fiber appliques for his hood?
9:41:46 PM Hardigree33: "But the cards are hot, I can't go"
9:42:00 PM Wert: "But the cards are hotter than you, I can't go"
9:42:34 PM Hardigree33: Wow, the security at this hotel suck
9:42:38 PM Wert: If the bad guys had the face profiler option for Sync, they'd be able to easily determine who Mike is.
9:42:47 PM Wert: Totally teh suck
9:45:12 PM Hardigree: Tina Fey is hosting SNL this weekend
9:45:23 PM Hardigree: so that makes... one program on NBC worth watching
9:45:31 PM Wert: Ding! Ding! Ding!
9:45:37 PM Wert: Tina Fey = teh hotness
9:45:44 PM Wert: I want Tina Fey inside of me.
9:45:56 PM Hardigree: totally
9:46:07 PM Hardigree: btw,Duke is losing to Wake Forest with 3 minutes to go
9:47:24 PM Hardigree: for those keeping track at home, they're the only team in a big 6 conference with no conference loses
9:47:37 PM Wert: Still not as good as Michigan State
9:48:18 PM Wert: Yo, this Brit dude's pretty good
9:48:28 PM Wert: Except not when he's getting kicked in the no-no spot
9:48:48 PM Hardigree: this brit dude is horrbile
9:48:54 PM Wert: He's awesome
9:48:58 PM Wert: "Nice ride!"
9:49:03 PM Hardigree: he's like Clive Owen's retarded half-brother
9:49:10 PM Wert: Sure — if you like going in a straight line and never turning
9:49:30 PM Wert: He's going to put sugar in Val's gas tank.
9:50:16 PM Wert: What is "chollo?"
9:50:20 PM Hardigree: Latin gansta
9:50:22 PM Hardigree: that's racist
9:50:24 PM Wert: Is that some weird way of saying purple?
9:51:12 PM Wert: Mike's driving a Fusion?
9:51:16 PM Wert: Sorry, Focus
9:51:23 PM Wert: Woodward?
9:51:37 PM Wert: It's a "Focus"
9:52:01 PM Hardigree: he morphs into Chollo
9:52:08 PM Wert: I would have no programmed response for Mike driving a Focus either.
9:52:14 PM Wert: Mike FTL!
9:52:32 PM Wert: Denton hates this Edge commercial
9:53:53 PM Hardigree: i actually like that one
9:54:08 PM Wert: Denton thinks it is false advertising
9:54:10 PM Hardigree: not to disagree with our good looking, smart, check-not-bouncing boss
9:54:16 PM Wert: No Brooklyn hipster's gonna drive an Edge
9:54:47 PM Hardigree: feh
9:54:58 PM Wert: I heart the case girls from Deal or no Deal
9:55:16 PM Hardigree: I heart howie mandell
9:55:39 PM Hardigree: Wow, this is stupid
9:55:52 PM Hardigree: unnecessary plot twist FTW!
9:57:08 PM Wert: Blackrock?
9:57:11 PM Wert: Blackriver?
9:57:14 PM Hardigree: holy shit, is this taking down blackwater?
9:57:17 PM Wert: Blackstone?
9:57:22 PM Wert: Blackwater?
9:57:27 PM Wert: Black is back?
9:57:44 PM Hardigree: who knew that KR was going to make geopolitical commentary
9:58:15 PM Wert: Wait, buying a Focus isn't geopolitical commentary?
9:58:28 PM Wert: "Val, shut up?"
9:58:53 PM Wert: KITT's following them...
9:59:48 PM Hardigree: haha, the bad guys buy chevy
9:59:51 PM Hardigree: go figure
9:59:58 PM Wert: Second unnecessary plot twist
10:00:06 PM Wert: Maybe the Ford money ran out after the first hour
10:00:21 PM Wert: Turbo Boost?
10:00:23 PM Wert: Please?
10:00:25 PM Wert: Nope.
10:00:26 PM Wert: Sad.
10:01:56 PM Wert: Maybe he should have been using Sync
10:03:43 PM Wert: I already had an interactive driving tour of KITT.
10:03:55 PM Wert: Charlie over at io9 says she's never seen Turkish Knight Rider
10:04:04 PM Hardigree: Charlie is missing out
10:04:07 PM Wert: Charlie
10:04:14 PM Wert: Charlie's TOTALLY missing out.
10:06:00 PM Hardigree: Duke, which was 10-0 in the ACC just lost to a team that was 5-5
10:06:03 PM Hardigree: wow
10:06:29 PM Wert: Well, what do you expect — they have a team named after a Corvette
10:06:47 PM Hardigree: The ZR-1s?
10:07:03 PM Wert: The Blue Devils
10:07:05 PM Wert: Ha!
10:07:07 PM Wert: Ha!
10:07:08 PM Wert: Ha.
10:07:12 PM Wert: Or something.
10:07:22 PM Wert: Just fucking pretend it was funny, k?
10:08:10 PM Hardigree: like the people at Ford behind getting involved with this?
10:08:25 PM Hardigree: Me and Mike Traucer have something in comon
10:08:42 PM Hardigree: "Ray... I mean KITT... pull over the car"
10:08:54 PM Wert: Hey, Alan Hall called
10:09:01 PM Hardigree: haha, shit
10:09:03 PM Hardigree: what did he say?
10:09:17 PM Wert: He just watched it all on the corporate jet coming back from the Daytona 500
10:09:37 PM Wert: A Fusion did not win, that's sad.
10:09:45 PM Hardigree: boo
10:09:54 PM Wert: We're all very proud of their effort.
10:10:08 PM Hardigree: wtf is that?
10:10:16 PM Hardigree: is that a ute?
10:10:19 PM Hardigree: chero?
10:10:41 PM Wert: Was that a ranchero?
10:11:08 PM Wert: yes, Hall just said it IS a ranchero — Ford PR is now giving us official confirmation —
10:11:11 PM Wert: Actually he'
10:11:13 PM Wert: s not sure
10:11:36 PM Hardigree: Also, did they just hate on the future hydrogen economy?
10:11:45 PM Wert: The solar hybrid is part of Ford's long-term engine product plan.
10:11:48 PM Hardigree: take that fuel cell equinox
10:11:57 PM Wert: We don't need to live-blog Alan calling me though.
10:12:05 PM Hardigree: yeah
10:13:36 PM Hardigree: that's totally a ranchero
10:13:39 PM Hardigree: 10:10: VINTAGE RANCHERO! Jalopnik will be pleased. 10:14:24 PM Wert: Yeah, I saw
10:14:33 PM Wert: KITT is upset
10:14:41 PM Wert: Who the hell loans someone a Focus?
10:14:42 PM Hardigree: "I can't do that Hal"
10:14:50 PM Wert: Also — did KITT just call the Focus a "her"?
10:15:01 PM Wert: Or did he just call the person who drives a Focus a "her"?
10:15:33 PM Hardigree: hey, Mike Tracier
10:15:36 PM Hardigree: Tracer, get it
10:15:47 PM Hardigree: Focus/Escort/Tracer
10:16:05 PM Wert: Ha. Ha. Ha.
10:16:13 PM Wert: You....slay....me...
10:20:00 PM Wert: Her fuck-friend is named "Brock"?
10:21:20 PM Hardigree: btw, if he'd have been reading a blog instead of a magazine he might still be alive
10:23:59 PM Wert: Hey look, it went to a Wendy's commercial — not a Ford one!
10:24:03 PM Wert: Wendy's FTW!
10:24:14 PM Wert: Something smells fishy to me!
10:24:40 PM Hardigree: you realize you put the convo with alan hall up
10:24:54 PM Wert: Yes
10:24:58 PM Wert: It was funny
10:25:07 PM Wert: Never cut the funny, that's what Spinelli always tells me
10:25:10 PM Wert: Never.
10:25:12 PM Wert: Cut.
10:25:13 PM Wert: The.
10:25:28 PM Wert: Funny
10:25:43 PM Wert: .
10:25:52 PM Hardigree: You know who'd have made a great Mike traucer?
10:25:58 PM Hardigree: Mark Fields
10:26:01 PM Wert: How do we spell his name?
10:26:01 PM Hardigree: he had the hair
10:26:04 PM Wert: Oh totally
10:26:11 PM Hardigree: Traucer, I think
10:26:19 PM Wert: The mullet woulda made a helluva Mike Traucer
10:26:25 PM Wert: Sounds vaguely French to me.
10:16:36 PM Hardigree: I wonder if the sheriff is sheriff sunfire
10:17:42 PM Wert: Is Owen taking time off from his time spent in the crazy-house?
10:18:57 PM Wert: Use KITT's Sync system?
10:19:18 PM Wert: "KITT — Play Artist Lamegasm"
10:25:52 PM Hardigree: You know who'd have made a great Mike traucer?
10:25:58 PM Hardigree: Mark Fields
10:26:01 PM Wert: How do we spell his name?
10:26:01 PM Hardigree: he had the hair
10:26:04 PM Wert: Oh totally
10:26:11 PM Hardigree: Traucer, I think
10:26:19 PM Wert: The mullet woulda made a helluva Mike Traucer
10:26:25 PM Wert: Sounds vaguely French to me.
10:27:16 PM Hardigree: Actually, gotta give Ford credit. They found a show and a script that both appeals to people with bad taste and will be watched, ironically, by people who think they have good taste
10:27:47 PM Wert: Ooh, that may win Commenter Of The Show
10:27:51 PM Wert: Or C.O.T.S.
10:28:22 PM Wert: Dude, he almost got shot by his mom
10:28:33 PM Hardigree: it's like the sarah conner chronicles
10:28:34 PM Wert: How are they all going to fit?
10:28:41 PM Wert: There's NO BACK SEAT!
10:29:07 PM Wert: Another KITT, in another place...
10:29:23 PM Wert: You may know his father...
10:29:28 PM Wert: ...he loves cheeseburgers.
10:30:49 PM Wert: Manually???
10:30:53 PM Wert: Drive KITT Manually????
10:30:55 PM Wert: Oh noes!
10:31:10 PM Hardigree: that's gonna suck
10:31:15 PM Hardigree: who didn't see that one coing
10:31:47 PM Wert: No Mom, don't die!!!
10:31:50 PM Wert: NOOOOO!!!!
10:33:30 PM Wert: oooh, she's a hottie
10:33:55 PM Hardigree: "I'd like to ride in you"
10:34:02 PM Wert: Way too hot to be in a Focus.
10:34:16 PM Wert: KITT is such a cock-block.
10:36:18 PM Hardigree: i'd point out that my fiance has now fallen asleep
10:36:22 PM Hardigree: on the coach
10:36:23 PM Hardigree: couch
10:36:33 PM Hardigree: wow, that one vowel makes a big difference
10:36:43 PM Wert: As has the young lady sitting on the couch here.
10:37:35 PM Wert: How's Mike getting out of this one?
10:37:57 PM Wert: I guess that's how
10:38:20 PM Wert: "That's my father, I'm going with you!"
10:38:23 PM Hardigree: yeah, take the college professor and not the FBI agent
10:38:29 PM Hardigree: she's totally going to be the better shot
10:38:33 PM Wert: What the hell are the bad guys driving?
10:38:38 PM Wert: Is that a Chevy?
10:38:42 PM Wert: With no badging?
10:38:44 PM Hardigree: yeah
10:38:45 PM Hardigree: GMC
10:38:47 PM Hardigree: it was on earlier
10:38:54 PM Wert: Professional Bad Guy Grade
10:39:39 PM Wert: Mustang takes a hit and keeps on tickin'
10:39:46 PM Hardigree: yeah, this has gotten slightly better
10:39:46 PM Wert: Did I mention with ZERO damage?
10:39:51 PM Wert: Oh wait, the glass
10:40:21 PM Wert: Did he just shift with an imaginary stick?
10:40:23 PM Wert: And clutch?
10:40:35 PM Hardigree: is that thing on 24's?
10:40:41 PM Wert: Totally on 24's
10:42:41 PM Wert: Wow, KITT is "Ford Tough"
10:43:06 PM Wert: Wait — I can't believe I'm saying this —
10:43:11 PM Wert: Ford...For...The...Win?
10:43:44 PM Hardigree: and here's the segway into a series
10:44:35 PM Wert: Old man is the only one who survives? Seriously — how not-at-all-likely is that?
10:44:57 PM Hardigree: always wear your seatbelts kids
10:45:09 PM Wert: You're right — even when hacking Mustangs.
10:47:09 PM Hardigree: "The world is insane..."
10:47:16 PM Wert: Driving a Mustang is the definition of insanity?
10:47:19 PM Wert: Or sanity?
10:47:22 PM Wert: I'm confused.
10:48:03 PM Hardigree: "I can't help you, I don't believe in the same things... I don't believe in monogamy, I believe in hydrogen"
10:48:16 PM Wert: Is that a lincoln limo?
10:48:28 PM Wert: Lincoln: Reach Higher to the cemetary
10:48:46 PM Wert: I wonder if Pops makes it back in time to be late to the funeral.
10:49:04 PM Wert: CHEESEBURGER!!!
10:49:10 PM Wert: Robble! Robble!
10:50:26 PM Wert: That was the slowest drag race I've ever seen.
10:50:35 PM Wert: Did a Focus just beat a Mustang?
10:51:00 PM Hardigree: THE HOFF!
10:51:04 PM Wert: Hey Hardigree, you fall asleep over there?
10:51:05 PM Hardigree: I think it did
10:51:08 PM Hardigree: Focus, FTW!
10:51:08 PM Wert: Oh good, there you are.
10:53:32 PM Hardigree: HOFF, HIS HOFFNESS, THE HOFFMEIESTER
10:53:39 PM Wert: Touching.
10:53:45 PM Wert: Check out that mascara!
10:54:04 PM Wert: Damn he looks old
10:54:13 PM Wert: And fat.
10:54:48 PM Hardigree: I can't wait for Baywatch 3000
10:55:34 PM Wert: "I was that man..."
10:55:43 PM Wert: "...except I had an F-body Trans-Am..."
10:56:14 PM Wert: "Will I ever see you again?"
10:56:23 PM Wert: "I hope so...it all depends on what the network says."
10:56:23 PM Hardigree: "Let's see how we do in the demo"
10:57:50 PM Wert: And segue into the new show...
10:58:31 PM Wert: Gratuitous make-out...
10:58:35 PM Wert: Cue the theme
10:58:49 PM Wert: Hit the reverse turbo boost
10:58:58 PM Wert: Too bad Mike can't drive a stick
10:59:07 PM Wert: especially not backwards
10:59:21 PM Wert: Whoa! Nice upgrade from the trailer!
10:59:24 PM Hardigree: wow, a plane is so much better than a trailer
10:59:29 PM Wert: Seriously!
10:59:47 PM Wert: And that, folks, is that — hope you all enjoyed the show!
11:00:05 PM Hardigree: And if you did, I have same land in Florida for sale
11:00:43 PM Wert: Wait — so this was all a commercial for America's Got Talent? I'm so confused.
11:00:49 PM Wert: This movie has warped my fragile little mind.

Send an email to Ray Wert, the author of this post, at ray@jalopnik.com.

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