So this past week the Chicago Auto Show's official web site launched with little or no fanfare its "unofficial, unfiltered, unedited, auto-show intern blog." The blog's name? "Showlopnik." Such a strange name for a blog about an auto show in Chicago, don't ya think? Showlopnik appears to be the same bile-infused random-musing generating psychotherapeutic attempt at attention-getting that is most of the automotive blogosphere. We feel like they're trying to like, you know, parody the whole zeitgeist others already have going on — and they kinda sorta do. We mean, at least they made us laugh a little when we found it earlier this week. Except, we feel like we should give them a few pointers — which we've helpfully included below the jump.

1.) You may decide it makes more sense to have your new content on top of your old content rather than your current method of stacking old under new. This helps readers coming to the site know you actually have new content to show them. Content they can click on. Click, click, click. Like change in a bank.
2.) ~~Most~~ almost all auto bloggers are male, but we applaud you for choosing a staff of all attractive female blonde communications majors — just don't let the wife find out. Put pictures of these attractive female blonde communications majors on your front page. Click, click, click.

3.) Before you get too established with your URL, don't pick a name that doesn't make any sense. Trust us.

4.) If you're going to break an embargo — make sure it's a product worth revealing early as you'll burn your bridges. That basically rules out any of the Chicago Auto Show unveils.

5.) Pictures, lots of pictures — in hard-to-use galleries built to expand page views and not to create a better user experience. Remember click, click...ok, forget it. Also preferably, pictures of cars and not shellfish.

Well, whether they listen or not — we tip our hats to the boys from the windy city — for having the guts to do something silly and irreverent and fun. Our only request — make fun of us better next time! [Showlopnik]

6:35 PM on Fri Feb 1 2008
By Ray Wert
2,412 views
57 comments

Comments

2 GIЯLS 1 POLAЯ at 06:40 PM on 02/01/08
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Someone get Shelby over here quick to help you guys sue their asses off!!!!1!!!!!11!!!!!1!!
Maxichamp at 06:42 PM on 02/01/08
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As 90% of the people in the U.S. automotive industry don't have access to the internet, I'm sure most of them don't even know what a blog is, let alone jalopnik.
Simpsons-Movie-ruled at 06:45 PM on 02/01/08
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Congrats......?
Bentos, Der Frischmacher! at 06:52 PM on 02/01/08
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Whats the point if I can't make a Hood Window/Truck Nuts/Balsy the 5 point harness owl comment on Showlopnik?????
ViergangFuchs at 06:54 PM on 02/01/08
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Some of those chicks are super-hot. One of them looks like she's had the Truck Nuts(tm) slapped across the face.
djmolwi at 07:10 PM on 02/01/08
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The Jewish Jalopnik!
Ray Wert at 07:12 PM on 02/01/08
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@djmolwi: Wait a second -- I resemble that comment.

@viergangfuchs: Lets not be crass here, ok?
Mad_Science at 07:13 PM on 02/01/08
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This is clearly put together by someone who doesn't get how the internet works.

Aside from running their content upside down, they've taken 2 posts to bitch about bitching about embargoes and justifying shutting down the webcams on the off chance that an Autoblog reader might take a screen cap and send it in?

Yeah, way to go, guys.
Markstre302 at 07:13 PM on 02/01/08
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So I take it this new blog was created by the Chinese.
mikedrawcar at 07:19 PM on 02/01/08
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@Bento: btw, i want a photoshop of this. (although maybe i shouldn't- the image is quite funny in my head as it is)
2 GIЯLS 1 POLAЯ at 07:19 PM on 02/01/08
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@Markstre302: Wouldn't that have been Chowlopnik?
monkeyboy04 at 07:21 PM on 02/01/08
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5) Try being funny... Poor excuses for sarcasm, and lame humor don't make a website worth visiting.
autoshowwatcher at 07:26 PM on 02/01/08
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The most unprofessional response I've ever read by a show official. He's an embarrassment to the Chicago show. He even "salutes" the wrong site. Here's his latest:

Mark Bilek, Internet Director Chicago Auto Show.com

Now for an episode of "When blogging goes bad." All Chicago Auto Show Web cam fans can thank AutoBlog.com. They posted a link to the Chicago Auto Show Web cams and asked visitors to "check out the cams periodically and see if anything of interest is rolling onto the floor. Do a screen grab and send us [them] a tip."

Thanks to your friends at AutoBlog, the Web cams are disabled. It is one thing to leave the cams up for the general public, but it's another when they are used for a Web site's personal promotion. Yea, I got a screen cap for you AutoBlog, it's a big middle-finger salute from all of the Web cam fans of the Chicago Auto Show thanking keeping them in the dark.

PS, we'll turn the cams back on next Wednesday.
Schm is not... at 07:34 PM on 02/01/08
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I could make some witty comment about names, or whatever. But i think the most important thing we can learn from this is we need some really hot colledge co-eds to work at Jalopnik. We musn't let the competion out-hot us.

Wonder if that pontiac solstice chick has been fired yet. . . .
Maxichamp at 07:38 PM on 02/01/08
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@Schm: Yeah but then we'd get QOTDs like which is the best car in the world: a V6 late model Mustang or the Cobalt SS?
rovingardener at 07:44 PM on 02/01/08
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Imitation is the sincerest form of copyright infringement.
clank-o-tron at 07:48 PM on 02/01/08
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@monkeyboy04: They ARE trying. They just aren't very good at it.

#6: don't make your website look like corporate boilerplate, even if it is.
GreenVanMan at 07:55 PM on 02/01/08
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@djardins: nice, very nice.
Shapeshifter at 07:56 PM on 02/01/08
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I... i'm not sure they understand parody.
hwyengr at 07:58 PM on 02/01/08
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It seems more sour grapes than parody. In retribution, I'm gonna have their car polishers working overtime with all the smudges I'll leave behind.
DoctorNine at 08:07 PM on 02/01/08
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#7.) Never, EVER, show pictures of the Aliens under Denver International Airport who really run the world on your blog. I just posted this one and now they are beaming old re-runs of 'The View' into my visual cortex for punishment.
charles_barrett at 08:48 PM on 02/01/08
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Wait, wait, wait...! What about the pointer whereby I.T. ensures the gerbils powering the blogging servers go on frequent cigarette breaks and take long lunches and afternoon naps...
SLR_BlowerMania at 08:59 PM on 02/01/08
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I heard they bought the "Cliff Notes" on how to plagerize a cool website like Jalopnik on ebay. For alot-o-money too.
TheGuinnessTooth at 09:04 PM on 02/01/08
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@viergangfuchs: I guess the definition of "super hot" must be lost to me. I see generic and one that might pass for cute and that asian chick.
2 GIЯLS 1 POLAЯ at 09:13 PM on 02/01/08
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What's this about some stupid commenter they have called SOLAR?
Armand, Star-Spangled... at 09:14 PM on 02/01/08
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@SCHM: We don't actually need them to WORK for Jalopnik-- we just need them to pose for pictures.
no_slushbox at 09:30 PM on 02/01/08
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Please tell me this isn't where Jonny left for.
no_slushbox at 09:33 PM on 02/01/08
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@Schm: Not everyone wants a college co-ed, some people prefer the experience and maturity of a woman like Murilee.
BartMack at 09:39 PM on 02/01/08
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The Chigago Auto Show is obviously not just a big truck that you can dump stuff on, it's a series of tubes...
BartMack at 09:42 PM on 02/01/08
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I mean Chicka-cago, Chicka-cago...
mikedrawcar at 09:42 PM on 02/01/08
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@hwyengr: don't forget to smuggle in some truck nutz to throw on every family-friendly SUV and truck. might as well tag the minivans as well.
mikedrawcar at 09:43 PM on 02/01/08
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@POLAR: apparently all he makes are jokes about heterosexual stuff too.
smoke~ at 09:44 PM on 02/01/08
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I would think students from Bradly would be more knowledgeable about D9s and farm implements than automobiles. Must have been an enormous FU, surely they were supposed to go blog the Amish Science Fair.
charles_barrett at 09:46 PM on 02/01/08
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@no_slushbox: Oh Baby, Oh baby! With Jonny's departure (kinda), that makes Murilee the winner of the hairy back contest. Just let me at it... no waxing required, and I shave with far less trauma than Johnny Depp (and a far higher survival rate...) And Alameda is just a few hours up the coast from me...
pitchpitch at 11:01 PM on 02/01/08
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Man, I'd intern some of those interns if ya know what I'm sayin'...
Cobden at 11:03 PM on 02/01/08
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C&Dlopnik. See how easy, Csaba?
wonkydonky at 11:16 PM on 02/01/08
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?Is that "Intern Blog" supposed to be a more finely-crafted Dig at ze Jalop than the rest of their shellfish-oriented State Fair Cotillion site?
-Or is it the type of Accidental Genius (such as "Mind Crotch" or "Bosom Passage") that happens in things like the Chinglish Pool at Flickr? [www.flickr.com] ?
BlackIce_GTS at 02:19 AM on 02/02/08
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@Ray Wert: #5: It makes me feel a little better to know you're doing it on purpose. Even if that means you're not going to fix it.
al_beaton at 03:44 AM on 02/02/08
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Just to add a couple of items:

6.) Making a splash with your first entry isn't always easy. Forgo the clichéd "this is my blog, I hope you like it" route. Start out the way you mean to continue. Forget promoting your trade show or praising your exhibitors. Why not instead attack a popular local politician in the midst of a Presidential campaign, and suggest that he's half-witted, idle and in need of psychiatric help?
"Barack has a blog... Anyone with half a mind (and I use that term lightly)... and a lot of free time has a blog. They are... the cheapest form of psychotherapy available."
Hey, you did that already. Well done!

7.) Linking to a site isn't self-promotion. In fact, autoblog.com was promoting your site. Doh! Never mind. For a refresher on how the whole web thing works, I suggest your first call be the admirable lecture entitled "The Internet is not something you just dump something on. It's not a truck. It's a series of tubes," by Ted Stevens.

8.) When you turn off your webcams in a huff, you should also take the "Check out our webcams" message off your news ticker. It's part of that whole left-hand, right-hand coordination thing that's fashionable these days.

Welcome to the blogosphere, and good luck.
Buckster at 09:06 AM on 02/02/08
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Guess we know where Leaverman went.
Miscellanea at 10:08 AM on 02/02/08
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This is how you know you've really made it.
2 GIЯLS 1 POLAЯ at 10:10 AM on 02/02/08
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@cardesignmike: How one dimensional!

.
I'm thinking of doing a blog for 2 girls 1 cup, how does JAPLOPNIK sound?
yellofury * * * * * at 11:52 AM on 02/02/08
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Man we need Solar ohh sorry there Polar
Bluegoose at 11:53 AM on 02/02/08
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UGH. This showloptnic blog is like the Fox News cheap knock off of the "The Daily Show"
gadgetfanatic at 12:20 PM on 02/02/08
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Shut 'em down.
DoctorNine at 12:24 PM on 02/02/08
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@POLAR: Been done.
I was thinking about doing one featuring you and Al Gore, with contemplative after sex musings, on the future of automobile transportation, and the environment. What do you think?
DoctorNine at 12:44 PM on 02/02/08
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DoctorNine at 01:01 PM on 02/02/08
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After he pulled back his hood for a smoke, the real truth emerged...
2 GIЯLS 1 POLAЯ at 01:30 PM on 02/02/08
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@DoctorNine: BOOYAKASHA!1!!!!!!1!1!
Starlton Heston,... at 01:33 PM on 02/02/08
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lame.. sadly I think Jalop, Autoblog, and anyone else who was being FRIENDLY and linking to them, has granted them VERY unwarranted page hits... sadly driving the "success" of the page higher then it deserves, so PLEASE, go ahead "showlopnik" and disable the only feature making your website relevant... BRILLIANT!

hint: generally not a blog if there is not interaction, then it's just random musings of a bunch of idiots
Novaload at 05:15 PM on 02/02/08
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@DoctorNine: OMG THEY KILLED POLAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cameron Thirteen at 06:41 PM on 02/02/08
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@Novaload (but not @ him): You bastard!
wheels OF satan! at 07:08 PM on 02/02/08
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okay
i have a question

what does JALOPNIK mean??

i gots to know!
bozoerrebbe at 08:43 PM on 02/02/08
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The folks who run the Chicago auto show put on a good time for the journalists, but their attitude is beginning to wear on me.

First there is their constant sniping at the Detroit show. They mention how large McCormick Place is in every show update they send to reporters. In the most recent one, they say that MP could now hold the LA, Detroit and New York shows all at once. We get it guys. McCormick Place is a big convention center and the Chicago Auto Show would like to replace the NAIAS as the premier auto show in North America.

Next there is their whining about people who try to wangle press credentials so they can sell press kits and swag on eBay.

From media update #1:
"Please note that these credentials are for working media actually covering the show-what a refreshing concept, huh? Erzatz media trying to weasel their way into the building to bogart the vast arrays of hospitality will not stand the test of the Registration Inquisition and will be denied. (Discovering them and denying the application
is the most fun the media director has all year, to be honest.)"

From media update #2:
"Simply fill out the material online, wait
a few days while the application goes
through the approval process (yes, we
actually look at them and try to weed
out the poseurs, hangers-on and general
neerdowells who always think they can
BS their way into your seat at the news
conference and subsequently steal the
press kit for sale on Ebay. Who needs that?"

If they just counted up the number of literature dealers actively selling automotive press kits on eBay they'd see that there are maybe 2 dozen of them. The Detroit show has almost 7000 credentialed journalists. The Chicago show has 2500. Even if all the active auto lit dealers attend the Chicago show (which they don't), that would mean that 1% of the "journalists" at that show sell press kits. Since some press kit sellers are indeed full time journalists, the number of true scam artists is way too small for Paul Brian to get so worked up about it.
mikedrawcar at 08:47 PM on 02/02/08
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honestly, i don't know what all the fuss is about. they set out to do everything worse than everyone else, and as far as i can see, they've succeeded. my hat's off.
SpeedWagon at 10:23 PM on 02/02/08
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No dragons, Robble Robble Robble.
jconli1 at 12:32 AM on 02/03/08
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@wheels OF satan:

what's a beatnik? a nogoodnik? an alcoholnik?