Man in the Box: Dieter Gets Shipped, LaSorda Gets Dissed by Longoria

Enduring an interminable lite-rock fusion band with a violinist was bad enough. Got even worse when dude started to sing; the fact that they were hidden behind a scrim and backlit in blue? Probably a blessing. Something vaguely disconcerting about the way the chick on the fiddle was rocking out during her solos; left us feeling we were stuck in the ill-at-ease described so vividly in Camus' The Fall. Finally, blessedly, came LaSorda. Tom LaSorda.

Man in the Box: Dieter Gets Shipped, LaSorda Gets Dissed by Longoria

Perhaps realizing he didn't have the public charisma to pull off a Zetsche, he enlisted the former Chrysler Division head to have himself delivered in in a box to basically handle LaSorda's speech for him. [Insert Eva Longoria cameo.] The David Cross impersonator seemed to be saving himself for the Mercedes press release and really offered up nothing of note during the presentation. Enter Brit Design-bossman Trevor Creed, who rambled on a bit about this year's two concepts: the Challenger and the Imperial.

Man in the Box: Dieter Gets Shipped, LaSorda Gets Dissed by Longoria

First up was the big Imp, and we have to say it looks better in person than it does in photos, but it could still be longer, lower and sleeker, we think. There was a bit too much billet on the car for our tastes, although the interior, in our really, really, really tired eyes, is a knockout. Verdict: looks like a fine derby festooned with the decor from Jos Eber's cowboy hat.

Man in the Box: Dieter Gets Shipped, LaSorda Gets Dissed by Longoria

Creed then cued up a video of frighteningly obsessive Mopar types saying nothing of consequence or eloquence about E-Bodies of yore. For them, apparently, Dodge created the Challenger. Which frankly, is kind of an insult to the Challenger, one of the finest-looking steeds of any era. The new car doesn't quite have the sheer meanness of the original. Looks a little like a toy, frankly. From the rear, it's shit hot, but the new Mustang does the retro front-end thing better.

Man in the Box: Dieter Gets Shipped, LaSorda Gets Dissed by Longoria

It all wrapped up with LaSorda driving back out in the Imperial with Longoria and asking her for a date. "Tom," she replied. I may be desperate. But I'm not that desperate." Please. Large-caliber bullet. Our skull. Immediately.

Man in the Box: Dieter Gets Shipped, LaSorda Gets Dissed by Longoria

First Full Shots of Dodge Challenger Concept; Dah-Da-Da-Daaaaah! Imperial!?! [Internal]