Suck or Not Suck: American TopGear on the Way

We're such fans of the UK's TopGear, we can look past all the US bashing (absent from the Discovery Channel's sanitized-for-our-protection recut versions, of course), left-hand gear shifting and all the manor-born "I'ves" and "have yous" littering the audio track like so many Big Ben souvenirs at Lambert's. It's all part of the show's "over there" charm (though we suppose some Americans would consider it to be as awkward as asking for clotted cream at Cracker Barrel or a "rubber" at a Cub Scout meeting.) When we heard a new, US version, called FinalGear, was in production, we scoffed like a bobby confronted by a swarm of supersized Ohioans asking directions to Whitehall Theater. Here's a transcription of the description (cleaned up):

That s why earlier this year a brand new TG USA production team assembled deep in the Mojave desert to create a pilot show for their version of Britain s favourite almost-BAFTA-winning car programme. And, liker their idea of what constitues a decent cup of coffee, the American take on Top Gear wasn t entirely the same as ours. Instead of a shabby hangar and a track built around airfield taxiways, they got a pit garage and a proper circuit. Instead of filling the studio with 200 grunting Subaru drivers, they did without an audience. And instead of The Tall One, The Short One and The Other One, they hired three rather different American presenters. Bruno, a professional drag racer with casual tales of crashing at 230mph. John, the super keen jock, blessed with quaint sir and m am good manners that only Americans can do. And, Johnny, a former reality show winner with a nice line in weird humor.

Oh fuck. They've cast every bad American stereotype save a crack-addicted Rush Limbaugh and an obese born-again Christian female cat enthusiast who's into scrapbooking. What will become of this? (Thanks to everyone who sent in tips on this.)

TopGear USA [FinalGear]

Related:
Pagani Zonda Bests Ferrari, Maserati on TopGear Track [internal]