Vintage CIA Training Videos Teach You To Stalk Like A Pro

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It's well known that the Jalopnik demographic is pretty much equally split between car enthusiasts and chronic stalkers. Today, thanks to our friends at Autominded, we have something that will make everyone happy.

It's easy to forget that car following and trailing is a dying art. Thanks to easy-to-hide GPS tracking devices, this sort of skill is likely to vanish, like knowing how to make jodhpurs from a couple gophers or something. These videos, CIA-branded but shot in Britain and staffed with all British actors, both of the human and car variety (perhaps an MI-6 collaboration) give some great, basic instruction on car-following.


The key seems to be, of course, don't let the mark see you. According to the CIA way, the best way to accomplish that is to work in a team, in this case of three cars. There's lots of map-reading involved, extrapolating most likely exit routes of your target, and constant radio communication between the pursuing cars.

The good news is today we have many advantages, since almost all of us owns a small handheld device with both a constantly-updating map and a 2-way radio. The trick is convincing several stalker-minded friends to help you out, but I guess that's what Craigslist is for. Even with nice, creepy dedicated stalker pals and 21st-century equipment, there's still some fundamental rules to effective, undetectable car following, and it's great we have such resources available, especially if you're just working with what you learned from watching Jack Nicholson smash that taillight in Chinatown.

For me, though, since I'm not that interested in the stalking part (maybe I just haven't met that right someone) the real draw here are the cars. It's like watching a vintage nature video of 60s and early 70s era European cars in their natural habitat, living their lives with simple majesty. The main cars in the video are great, with an original Mark I Escort, and an Avenger in the pursuing team, and pretty much every scene is filled with some great vintage iron. There's Minis, Rovers, Triumph Stags, Anglias, Transit vans, a VW Type II pickup— really, it's worth watching just for the faded images of the cars.


The music's pretty amazing as well, with riffs on what sounds like both the Shaft and Star Trek themes. With the music playing and the cars in aggressive pursuit, it sort of looks like a 3/4-scale American cop show from the '70s.


Here's the videos. Watch, learn, enjoy. And happy stalking!