The German tuning outfit TechArt has been playing with Porsche Cayennes for a long time now, but I’m pretty sure this is the first time they’ve teamed up with a company that makes couches. Yes, finally, TechArt has a tuning kit for the Cayenne that not only ups its power output a good bit and has a bunch of exterior bodykit stuff, but it also teamed up with high-end furniture maker Rolf Benz to couch-ify the interior. Too bad it now looks like it’s full of bad dorm room sofas.

Let’s talk first about the tweaks to how all those interior couches will be moved around: TechArt has a power kit for the Cayenne Turbo’s engine that uses electronic engine remapping to up the power from 542 horsepower to 631 HP—a pretty significant bump, especially when you consider that this is a software change, primarily.

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Torque is also increased, from 568 lb-ft to 664, and now Porsche’s big SUV can go from parked to 62 mph in an impressive 3.7 seconds.

There’s also two-tone black-and-champagne paintwork, a new carbon-fiber hood with big nostrils, new front spoiler, a big-ass rear air diffuser, and a second spoiler on the tailgate.

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But it’s the inside where the plush, cushiony excitement is. The Rolf Benz (a confusing name, since any other context of reading Benz-modified Porsche is a very different thing) interior is covered in “natural virgin wool” which, I suppose, is better than wool that’s experienced, if you catch what I mean.

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The seats are upholstered in a manner that’s supposed to reflect the loose, baggier look of the Rolf Benz 641 armchair, but if I’m brutally honest, the result looks like those sloppy, wrinkly thrift store ‘90s-era couches that end up in dorm rooms nationwide.

The seats look sort of sloppy to me, and all the folds and wrinkles in the fabric seem like they’d be traps for dirt and dust and crumbs and Dorito and Cheeto cheetle-dust and the remains of empty ziplock bags of weed, at least based on my experience with similarly-upholstered couches in their usual habitat.

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I like the coarse-weave fabric on the dashboard and door panels, but there’s still something about the whole look that feels somewhere between a Lutheran church’s basement rec room and your uncle’s very very brown and dark living room.

On the plus side, though, TechArt says that

“The footwell area covered in fine leather with exquisite floor mats.”

...and, I have to admit, “exquisite floor mats” are something every discerning SUV buyer should demand, full stop.